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THE POSSUM COUNTY DAILY FLAPDOODLE
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Dateline: November 9, 2000
WE AIN'T DOWN YET!!

Gore Told Bush 'Circumstances Have Changed'
By Thomas Ferraro

NASHVILLE, Tenn. (Reuters) - Arguably the most bizarre telephone conversation between two presidential nominees lasted about 90 seconds -- and ended with one stunned, the other guardedly hopeful.

Early on Wednesday, about an hour after Democrat Al Gore personally conceded defeat to Republican George W. Bush in their White House race and wished him well, Gore called back and said, ''Circumstances have changed,'' according to an aide.

Gore said updated election returns showed him losing Florida by about 600 votes, rather than the 50,000 earlier reported.

The vice president said the new margin was small enough to trigger an ``an automatic recount'' in Florida.

Consequently, Gore explained to Bush, ``I need to withdraw my concession until the situation is clear,'' said the aide, who only heard Gore's side of the conversation.

Bush communications director Karen Hughes said the Texas governor replied, ``Let me make sure that I understand. You are calling back to retract that concession.''

``Let me explain it to you,'' Gore said, according to his aide. ''If in fact I lose in Florida, I will immediately concede. But it's not in any way clear I have lost and until it is clear I can't concede.''

Hughes, appearing on CNN on Wednesday, said Bush told Gore, ''Do what you have to do.''

Gore then hung up.

(Click here for the GOP spin version of this story).

Official Statement By Al Gore

November 8, 2000

NASHVILLE - Yesterday, the people of our country joined together to make a great national decision - to choose the next President of the United States.

We still do not know the outcome of yesterday's vote. And I realize that this is an extraordinary moment for our democracy.

I want to thank the nearly fifty million Americans who gave me their votes and their confidence. And I want to express my deep and profound gratitude to all those who cast their ballots.

We now need to resolve this election in a way that is fair, forthright, and fully consistent with our Constitution and our laws.

What is at issue here is the fundamental fairness of the process as a whole. Because of what is at stake, this matter must be resolved expeditiously, but deliberately, and without any rush to judgment.

Despite the fact that Joe Lieberman and I won the popular vote, under our Constitution, it is the winner of the Electoral College who will be the next President.

Our Constitution is the whole foundation of our freedom - and it must be followed faithfully, toward the true result ordained by the American people in our respective states. We are now, as we have been from the moment of our founding, a nation based on the rule of law.

When our founders pledged their sacred honor to bring forth this republic upon which the hopes of humankind still rest, they affirmed the bedrock principle that Americans have followed ever since: the consent of the governed, given freely in an election process whose integrity is beyond question, is the living heart of our democracy.

It is also crucial that the American people have full faith and confidence in the electoral process from which the President derives authority.

Let me make my own resolve clear: no matter the outcome, America will make the transition to a new administration with dignity, with full respect for the freely expressed will of the people, and with pride in the democracy we are privileged to share. And I want all Americans - and indeed, the whole world - to be assured of that.

I don't believe it is appropriate for me to take questions or comment further at this time. But I am going to ask Secretary Daley and former Secretary of State Warren Christopher to follow this statement with comments of their own. Thank you.

What?? No further statement from Al??
About the most exciting election ever??!
What a complete and total gyp!!!!

WAIT!! SOMETHING'S COMING IN THROUGH THE OZONE LAYER!!!
(This is an interactive page! Hum the "Twilight Zone" theme song here!)

YES, AL GORE'S EVIL DOUBLE FROM AN ALTERNATE, YET COMPASSIONATELY CONSERVATIVE UNIVERSE IS BACK!
AND THIS TIME, HE'S IN FULL CAMPAIGN MODE!!!
(Keep humming!)

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Dateline: November 9, 2000
FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY! VICE PRESIDENT ALBERT GORE JUNIOR’S EVIL DOUBLE FROM AN ALTERNATE, YET COMPASSIONATELY CONSERVATIVE UNIVERSE'S ILLUSTRATED POLICY BOOK OF KNOWING EXACTLY WHERE THE RATS ARE LOCATED IN THE BARN, BIG TIME

I'm back. And this time, I'm speaking in a forthright and contentious manner that would be inappropriate if young children were present.
Yep Dubya, I’m back a little bit earlier than I anticipated.

Remember me? The guy your party spent a six year smear campaign paintin’ as the world’s most boring man, Mr. "Couldn’t Buy Charisma If He Won The Lotto", an environmental hypocrite, an egotistical compulsive liar, a traitor, a corporate sellout, a campaign finance law abusin’ earth toned panderin’ ho? The guy your attack Chihuahuas in the Corporate media muzzled for eight long years, killin’ any chance that my message, my record, my philosophy would ever reach the ears of the American voters? The guy your Corporate masters drowned out with over $140 million worth of oil soaked attack ads, just to drive the stake into the heart of my political career?

Come on, this ain’t a hard question like "Have you ever been arrested after 1968?" You know me. I’m Al Gore, your worst nightmare. I’m your 260-246 electoral vote nightmare. I’m your 48,976,148- 48,783,510 popular vote nightmare. I’m your 100% populist, grassroots activist organized on my own damn Internet, gettin’ my policy points and agenda spread by the word of mouth of millions of average Joes, inspirin’ the Real People to get out and Really Vote for a change nightmare that just won’t quit.

Yep. I’m the policy wonk hated by all you cool kids in the Corporate clique.

And the American people love me for it.

Let’s see if you can wrap you crack addicted brain around a little of your own fuzzy math:

Ken Star et al spent $52 million dollars on his partisan witch hunt investigation of me.
You spent $140 million on a smear campaign against me.
The last "official" vote count said you won the electoral college by only 600 Florida votes.
$52 million plus $140 million = $192 million.
If you divide the total you guys spent by your margin of "victory", you idiots spent $320,000 per vote in Florida to try to kneecap Democracy... and it ain’t gonna stick.

Is it true that the Republican party calls a misleading ballot design like this a "Karl Rove Special"?
Nope. Not no way, not no how. All your little rats have come runnin’ home to hide in the barn. We all know about the extremely convenient computer glitch that turned Gore votes into votes for a Socialist candidate. And lets not forget those hysterical Gore=Buchanan ballots! Did you morons really think nobody would notice Holocaust survivors votin’ in record numbers for Pat BuKKKanan? (Did your good buddy Ralph W. NaderBush think that one up for you? Did you gents share a good laugh about it with your stock broker?) And just how many locked ballot boxes were "discovered" lyin’ around somewhere in Democratic precincts, uncounted? Four? Five? Whoosh! Those are big numbers, aren’t they? I bet you’re havin’ trouble keepin’ track, since there ain’t no dollar signs attached. Don’t forget to have Jeb give those nice Florida State Troopers a big ole bonus, ya hear? I’m pretty sure harassin’ minority voters away from the polls qualifies them for overtime pay.

Yeah, you pigs thought you could get away with a little good ole Southern style voter fraud, didn’t you? You thought you’d skate through this teensy, weensy little felony without a scratch, just like always, right?

You are so busted, Smirk.

Just wait till you baby Brother in crime holds his runoff election.

You think the Freedom riders were a menace when Joe Lieberman was one of their pack? Wait until every African-American from Atlanta to Seattle swarms into Florida to keep an eye on your little Republican election officials. But they won’t be alone. Not by a long shot. They’ll be accompanied by every Jew from Brooklyn to Encino, every homosexual from San Francisco to Fire Island and every Latino from Brownsville to Duluth. Wait till the entire state of California crams into the votin’ booth, to check up on your accuracy. Wait until every woman in America is peerin’ over your shoulder, double checkin’ your fuzzy math. And every single God damned one of ‘em will be there because they know you, Smirk. They know you buy what you can’t win, and you steal what you can’t buy.

These BuKKKanan results are a total hoot! I know they're hard to read, so click here to see the full verison.
And even if you squeak by on one lousy $192 million vote, even if you cover your tracks so well your little exercise in racially profilin’ Democracy never lands your rich, flabby bacon in jail, you ain’t heard the last of me. Oh - - no - - freakin’ - - way. No - - freakin’ - - how.

Good luck gettin’ a mandate after I become a martyr to Democracy. Good luck findin’ an agenda with me, the People’s Choice, sittin’ on the sidelines, watchin’ your every move and thinkin’ up nine or ten better ideas without workin’ up a sweat. Good luck swayin’ public opinion as I get invited onto every talk show in America to comment in excruciating detail on each of your idiotic, pathetic non-plans. And let’s not forget all the time I’ll spend makin’ speeches, and gettin’ honorary degrees and writin’ best selling books. I really think it’s time for an "Earth In The Balance" type study discussin’ the interrelationships between campaign finance abuse, racial profilin’ and institutional sexism, don’t you? And don’t think for one second the press will forget about me now. No, now that the election’s over, they’re feelin’ guilty that they might have thrown the Presidency to an idiot like you. Since we all know that’s exactly what they did, I’ll have a free pass every day you’re stinkin’ up the Oval Office.

Get used to my face on the front of your daily paper. Get used to my voice on your nightly news. Get used to this phrase on T-shirts, bumper-stickers and email tags everywhere: "Don’t Blame Me. I Voted For Gore". Or how about this one: "Impeach Bush. Gore Won Anyway." Or this one, which I feel has a real down home simplicity: "F*** Smirk. Al’s My President."

Sit down with your pathetic little smear brigade now and plan your defense for 2004. But nothin’ and I mean ab-so-tiv-ly nothin’ on this or any other earth will stop me from makin’ you a one term wonder. Because when it comes to defendin’ our precious democracy, when it comes to defendin’ the sacred trust that is America from two-bit fascists wannabes like you, I have never given up, I have never given in, and I will never back down.

See you on the barricades, Smirk.

Don't forget to visit "Gore-in-context", your one stop shop for debunking urban legends about Vice President Gore!	There are other ways to find this page, but here is the day I lost hope we'd ever beat the Smirks of this world. Thanks to everyone who offered their comfort and support.
Click here for your October Surprise Update! (Link Updated On 10/14!)	I'm Mad As Hell And I'm Not Going To Take It Any More! (Updated on 10/22 -- We take on CNN!)

The Fine Folks At Occidental Petroleum Remind You That They've Already Sunk A Ton Of Money Into This Election, So If You Must Vote, Vote For Their Guys.
Or Else They'll Steal Florida Right Out From Under The Smart Guy. Not Like There's Anything Fishy About That. Or Illegal. Nope. Nothing.

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