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Interesting...you gave me a lot to think
about. I was watching Carte Blanche a few weeks
back, when they interviewed that f2m who stole to
finance his op, and I remembered you refused a
considerable sum of money to tell your story in
the press, which would have enabled you to pay
for your own op on the spot. Was that always
about morals (I know you feel very strongly about
protecting your family's confidentiality), or was
there any part of you that was reluctant to 'go
all the way' and have the operation at that
stage? How are you feeling about getting the
prosthesis now?
I think a lot of f2m's would probably not
consider me a true f2m. I will not beg, steal or
borrow to realise my dream. And that has nothing
to do with the confidentiality of my family, it
has a lot to do with who I am. I worked hard for
whatever I have, and I work according to a set of
priorities and principles.
Yes, I was offered a lot of money - which would,
in effect, have paid for my operation ten years
ago. Yes, I did consider what it would do to my
family to have my photo's splashed all over the
country. But no, that was not my main reason for
turning down the offer. I was the main reason.
I'm not a freak, and accepting what they were
offering me was admitting that I was a freak of
nature, needed to be set to rights by operation.
I have accepted what I now have. It is functional
for me, even if it isn't what I want. The
prosthesis is not what I really want. I want a
penis. No, I don't want a penis. That is reducing
me to a shet (she/he/it). I want to be a man.
Just having something dangling between my legs
does not make me a man in the real sense of the
word.
I am a man, in spite of the fact that I don't
have a penis. Putting one there, and especially
one which is not guaranteed to be 100% functional
is not going to make me a better man than I
already am, except perhaps in the eyes of lesser
men than I am. It would mean I can make use of
urinals in the men's loo, and urinate while
standing up. It means I can have sex penetrating
a woman (if I'm lucky and the things works). Do I
want to take those chances?
No. I am comfortable with being the man I am. My
colleagues, clients and business associates
already think I am a man. A penis is not going to
make me any different in their eyes.
So, yes, I will go for my prosthesis, if only to
complete the job I started. I am excited about
it. I know I can live with it. And I just need to
find someone who can live with it and me.
No doubt you will! I'd
never heard the word 'shet' before - it sounds
vaguely obscene... |
a Q'munity
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