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Scientists predict that ‘sitting down’ is the way forward.

An elite group of scientists that came together from many parts of the world to begin studying what our lives could be like in the future have made a remarkable discovery. Since 1995, in fact, they say that their findings can’t be that far away, as we have all the stuff we need to begin it. Here are the words of one Sessilé Pondiddleway, the French section of the team:

“All the technology exists. We just need to re-mould it so it works just how we predict. We predict that our predictions should be happening within the next few decades”.

Their findings can be simplified down from all the ‘scientistish’ language to everyday ‘you-and-me’ language. Basically people will not really need to move anymore because there will be so many different things for everything. A lot of people question the scientists’ sanity, but they said in a press conference yesterday that they know best, and at that point, the American scientist, Rufus Rendle stuck out his tongue.
They say that the beginning of the future started with the development of the ‘remote control’, for televisions and the like, and these controls are the main part of their plan:

“These controls will do everything. People will sit idly in their chairs saying commands. Only the mouth will be exercised, and given another 5 years of development of a brain reading machine, there will be no need for any moving parts in our bodies”.

Heavy criticism followed this but the scientists are so sure that this WILL happen. Other scientists have been asking questions like “going to the toilet and eating, how do we do that”? The answer? Machine:
“We will not go to the toilet. Machines will inject liquid that dissolves our food, of which has been fed to us on a drip. There will be absolutely no need for us humans to move. Getting around is simple enough, we will all have special chairs that go really fast to take us to places. If you want to look left, you don’t move your eyes or you head, you simply think, and a screen placed right in front of you will show it”.
Then the scientists got themselves into a sticky patch. We will still need to blink and sleep! But to overcome this they have developed a new machine that moisturises our eyes and have added very tight seatbelts to the chair, so movement is impossible.

But what about the people who don’t want to not move? Well the scientists have come up for a use for them. They will be the people who build and fit the people into the machines, and fix them if they ever go wrong. And what about athletes? Scientists say, “well they are just useless beings running around for fun. They should get a life”.

The scientists say they have it covered, and everything has been thought of. We have to agree with it ourselves. Just how long do we have to wait until this state of nothingness in our lives can be brought to the public?

Reporter: Harvey Jocklebelter

Picture: A sketch of what we will be like soon.

Click to enlarge>>>



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