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I can honestly say I have never actually been so appalled by a movie that I have simply walked out.... besides, after blowing $7.00, I and NOT going to throw my money away. However, I've come reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeal close. How bad were these? OH THE HUMANITY!!!!!!!!!!
1. 'Fire Birds.' Tommy Lee Jones and Nicolas Cage probably got new agents after this one. Take 'Top Gun', throw in Apaches rather then Tomcats, take the same script and remove EVEN MORE STORY. Frightening thought, isn't it? Cage is a hot-shot 'chopper pilot trained by Jones to be one of THE elite 'chopper pilots!!!!!!!!!!! Unfortunately, the story is mired in tons of cliches that aren't done with any style or panache; Jones is the wily vet who can't quit, Cage the hot-shot with an attitude problem, Sean Young is the generic love interest. To make things worse, the flying scenes SUCK. You would think after seeing 'Top Gun' and 'Blue Thunder,'(An AWESOME flick with choppers) it wouldn't that hard to at least have the flying sequences be exciting. Wrong; it's boring, lumbering, and torture to suffer through.
2.'Dangaio.' The premise sounded great; giant robots controled by ESP sensative bodacious women taking on even BIGGER robots bent on world destruction. How bad can this be? Well, actually not TOO bad... until things get outta hand towards the end. There are the cliched characters (the angry one, the mal-adjusted one, blah, blah, blah.) taking on some omnipotent enemy, with eveyrone trained by Yoda's cousin. Problem is we never reeeeeeeally understand what the deal with the bad-guys is, and worst of all, THE ENDING MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE. No, I'm not going to give away the ending. Put it this way, when it's over, you THINK there's a sequel in there to wrap things up. Uh uh. I also checked with assorted anime fans, and they also agree this thing makes absolutely no sense.
3. 'Batman and Robin.' Ok, for the record, I LIKED 'BATMAN FOREVER.' So there. Ok, not GREAT, but Val Kilmer made a good Batman; the dashing playboy look, but he could still do that growl as Batman. 'Batman and Robin'.... oh lord. The story went all over the place, Alicia Silverstone did a grating valley-girl impression of Bat Girl, but worst of all is a miss-cast George Clooney. I enjoy Clooney's work; great in 'Three Kings,' fun to watch in ''ER.' Unfortunately, Batman is supposed to SCARE YOU; he grabs you, looks in your eyes, and that little part of your soul waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay in the back goes 'Mommy!!!!!!!!!' But everytime Clooney said ANYTHING as Batman, I chuckled. Bat's isn't supposed to sound like Clark Gable, he's supposed to sound like your worst nightmare.
4. 'Dr. Strange.' Ah, this is a golden oldy. Around... I believe the late 70's, CBS got into this funk of making super-hero movies/TV series. A rather 'eh' version of Capt. America resulted. However, they also tried 'Dr. Strange.' Oh joy. Our intrepid hero looked like Mr. Mike Brady, accept with an even LARGER 'fro. Worst of all, NOTHING HAPPENS IN THIS FLICK. Dr. Strange gets occasional premonitions, all high-lighted by the film going suddenly black-and-white, the Ancient-One-replacement occasionally meets the evil arch-villain.. and all they do is TALK. Not ever fun trash talking... just TALK. Aaaaaagggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh.