Ah, come in, come in! Make yourself comfortable on that beanbag over there while I make you a coffee.

This is the Fat German Zone, which is by way of saying it's my homepage, which is mine. Its reason for existing, if it needs one, is to give me something to do when I ought to be working. I often wonder what people find to put on their websites, and also why they spend so much time doing it. The second question was answered for me when I found that it's better than working, but the first is still not entirely clear to me.

So, I've used a tiny amount of this space to provide some information about HeadUnit, which is the band I'm in. Some time we might get a sound sample up here, but we're still looking for a way to get one in decent sound quality that doesn't take a week to download.

But a man has to have more than one interest. In my earlier days I wrote a program called Black Hole, which mysteriously became quite popular amongst people who like that sort of thing. So I wrote a few more programs, which didn't. But anyway, they're all here if you want to download them. You'll need an Acorn computer to run them, so if you're one of the unfortunates who've been pulled into the Microsoft conspiracy you'll never know what you're missing, nor will you ever discover the Great Green Gollywog's secrets of happy living.

It's my unfortunate lot in life to have a job in the computer industry. This is not through any fault of my own, it's just that I'm not officially qualified to do anything else that might earn me money. The computer industry is full of people who, for reasons known only to themselves and their ilk, think that using long sentences, poor grammar and made-up words in some way makes them sound important. The role of Microsoft's 'grammar checker' in their lives has yet to be determined. Anyway, to bring to you all the wonders of this management-speak (or 'gibberish') I've set up this page where I will put examples as they come to me. Please also mail me your examples of gibberish and I'll include them.

New!

The Fat German Zone is now home to CACSADE - The Campaign for Common Sense And Decency. Didn't you always wish you could have a place to shout about the ways in which people annoy you? Well, now you have. At CACSADE we want to hear from you if there is any way you think people could be better behaved, display more intelligence, etc etc. And you can read what other people think, too.

I'm aware that some of you may not find this site the most edifying experience you've ever had. But don't go away without first having a look at some of my Links to other places, because some of them are quite good.