So what's the big problem with 'fast-shaving'? The 'Fab Five' (I'm sorry, that's not queer, chats gay) are always making fun of guys that shave as quickly as they possibly can, with or against the grain, with no cream and using disposable razors. What's wrong with that? I do that all the time (well, once a week anyway) and it works just fine. I mean, the goal is to get rid of the hair, right. Does it really matter how that goal is achieved?
I like the disposable lady razors, I stole them from Tightrope Walker-man. They seem to have much better moisturising strips than the men's ones. Maybe that's where the guys who get queer makeovers go wrong... they're using man razors and cutting themselves. The lady ones are much nicer, and they come in lovely pastel colours. Well, they used to, now they're just bright pink. Maybe that's so men don't get confused. Lady's get the pink, guys get the dark blue... you can't go mixing it up with pastel colours. Oh my god, world in chaos!
Because us guys are that dumb, aren't we? Well, according to advertisers anyway. Actually, according to advertisers everyone's dumb. Who's seen the ad for the (Moulinex maybe?) combination blender/food processor? At first the guy's the dumb one because he bought his lovely wife/partner a blender/food processor for her birthday. She's not happy about this at first, but then she (and I quote) "made a smoothy and some rissoles and decided I wouldn't use it one him". A smoothy and some rissoles – the perfect solution to all life's problems!
"After the car accident I was in a coma for 3 months. When I came to I discovered that the crash had crushed my spine and I was paralysed from the neck down. But then I got my helper monkey to make me a smoothy and some rissoles, and after I had a completely new outlook on life."
Speaking of life problems, Michael Jackson seems to be having some trouble at the moment. We've all been inundated with that on the news and such so I wont waste too much time on that other than to say that he did not molest those children... he made love to them (I stole that from a T-shirt). But that's the least of his problems, I think the main thing he needs to address is that chronic facial hair problem I keep seeing pictures of him with. Seriously, if you have sparser facial hair than I do you need to get rid of it! That facial hair, on that face... bad combination. He really needs to buy a bag of those pink lady razors.
Anyway, I'm having a better week than last week so I'm trading in my smoothy and rissoles for bourbon and Chinese food... or, hey, maybe a rissole smoothy!
You can email the Gold Logie winning Stilt-boy at jimjimbo75@yahoo.com.au
Go ahead, ask him a question... or offer him sexual favors, he'd like that...
