| LOTR HUMOR |
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Legolas Greenleaf walks into a bar........Aragorn walks around it. --Lila, Calgary, Canada-- FRODO: Gandalf, I cannot read the firey language written on the Ring. GANDALF: (reading) It says, "Insert finger here." FRODO: Ohh... --Lila, Calgary Canada-- If Legolas had a brother, what would his name be? Armolas. --Melissa, Calgary, Canada-- Things never to be said.. Treebeard-Anyone got a toothpick? Sauron-Darn..Dropped my contact lens. Boromir-Honest! I'll take the ring to Mordor. Gandalf-Noo! Come back and save me, you fools! Merry-The square root of 65 is clearly 8.062257748298545692. Pippin-Actually, I make it at 8.06225774829854569236661323030377. Aragorn-Oh, no! Were out of soap! Legolas-Has anyone seen my glasses? Eowyn-Crap, I busted a nail. Frodo to Gandalf-Its past noon, why are you still wearing your robe? Sam-Im hungry. Lets grill Bill. Arwen-Buuurp! --Texasgirl, Texas, USA-- A dwarf, an Elf, and a hobbit are sitting around a table having breakfast with their wives. The Elf says, Pass the sugar, sugar! And the wife passes him the sugar. The hobbit says, Pass the honey, honey! And she passes him the honey. The dwarf begins to think, Hmm, this seems to work pretty well, why not I give it a try? And he says to his wife, Hey, pass the bacon, pig! --Texasgirl, Texas, USA-- Birthday Parties Bilbo Baggins on his 111th birthday, gave a big party and there was a big cake for him. but no one ever saw any member of the fellowship enjoying a birthday party, or having a cake! ever wondered why? find out! gandalf: when he ordered his birthday cake, he was "the gray" and the baker made him a capuchino flavoured piece. but then he became "the white", but the cake didnt change to vanilla! so he refused to take it and postponed the party. aragorn: he blew out the candles and said, "this cake does not belong to one man, but to all. let us together cut this cake, that we may eat in the days of peace "so many knives stabbed the cake, there was hardly any decent piece left to eat! legolas: 2931 candles started melting on the cake, n no one volunteered to eat a wax coated cake. gimli: when the guests asked him to cut the cake, he said "what r we waiting for?" n with 1 mighty blow of his axe,......you can guess what happened next. a cake and the one ring r not the same! frodo: he was about to have his cake, but sam was standing just beside him. "come on mister frodo, i cant cut it for u, but i can eat it. without leaving anything for u." *sigh* rest is predictable! sam: n-n-nothing important. rosie decided to cut off extra expenses, and buy ribbons instead. girls! pippin: the hobbit who ate 4 lembas breads, failed to sit quietly n watch the cake, till the guests arrived! merry: "all my friends have spoiled their birthdays. i would be ashamed to be left behind." --natasha-- A Gondorian, a Rider of Rohan, a dwarf, and a foo-foo elf are captured by orcs. The orcs are going to flog them, and they say that each one can have something on their back while they are whipped. The Rider of Rohan says, I will have leather armor! So they put leather armor on him and flog him. The Rider of Rohan gets beat up pretty bad. The Gondorian says, I will have mithril! So they put mithril on his back and he gets beat up pretty bad. The dwarf says, I will have nothing! So they flog his bare back and the dwarf is barely injured at all. Then it is the foo-foo elfs turn to be flogged. When they ask him what he wants on his back he says, I'll take the dwarf! --Texasgirl, Texas, USA-- Merry and Pippin were walking home from the Inn one evening. All of a sudden, Merry falls down a large pot hole and breaks one of his legs. Merry: Pippin, dont just stand there. Call me a doctor...Quick!! Pippin: if you say so, Merry. MERRY IS A DOCTOR!! MERRY IS A DOCTOR!!! ^_^ --Texasgirl, Texas, USA-- |
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| Home Fan Fiction Song Parody Commercial Parody Fotr Script TTT Script Cast Bio's Fellowship Pictures Picture Gallery 1 Jokes pg 2 |
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| Boromir (I dont think he's a joke, I like the Pic) |
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During the Last Alliance of Elves and Men, an elf was captured by an orc. He was injured very badly, and his arm needed to be amputated. He asked the orc, Could you send my arm to Mirkwood? The orc said he would. The next day the elfs other arm had to be amputated, and he asked the same thing. The orc agreed. Then the elfs leg had to be amputated, and he asked the same thing again. The orc agreed to that as well. But when the elfs other leg had to be amputated, and he asked the same thing, the orc got fed up. Now hold on, the orc said, Youre trying to escape, arent you? --Texasgirl, Texas, USA-- There were ten elves and Strider holding on to a rope strung across an enormous chasm. The rope was starting to break, but would hold if just one persons weight was off the rope. Strider valiantly decided to throw himself into the chasm. I will jump, and save you all! he said. The elves were so touched, they clapped! --Texasgirl, Texas, USA-- A dwarf, an Ent, and an Elf are sentenced to death. The dwarf is brought out first. The firing squad takes aim. Suddenly the dwarf yells: Avalanche! In the confusion he escapes. The Ent is impressed and decides to try for himself. As the squad takes aim he yells: Flood! And in the confusion he escapes too. The elf has observed closely. He decides to follow their example. So just as the firing squad takes aim, he yells: Fire! --Texasgirl, Texas, USA-- There were a couple of elfs in the bar just talking. They were talking about Aragorn and how he always talks about wanting to be king. Another elf joins the conversations and says “Men are kings, kings are rulers, rulers are 30 centimeters long, do ya think he'll want to be king now?" --Elryndra-- After entering Moria Legolas began bawling. "What's wrong?" Gandalf asked. "It's to dark to brush my hair right and when we finally get out of here I won't be pretty anymore! WWWWWWWAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" --Elryndra-- Frodo and Sam are in Lothlorien at night, just about to go to sleep. Suddenly, Frodo turns to Sam and says- "Sam, look up. What do you see?" Sam thinks for a moment, then turns to Frodo and says- "Master, I see the stars in the heavens. They seem to be a never-ending map of heavens. They are infinite, shrouded in mystery, beautiful and amazing to behold, and far too complex for a young hobbit such as myself to fully comprehend. And Frodo replies- "Sam, you fool, someone stole our tent!! --Elryndra-- "This is my friend, Gimli" - Legolas introduced the dwarf to Treebeard. Treebeard looked at Gimli's axe suspiciously. "And his axe is not for trees." - Legolas continued. "He chops the orc's heads off with it.." "Hum, rurum..Really?! - Treebeard said in relief. "Really!" - said Gimli. "For trees I've got a saw..." --Elryndra-- |