Japanese Hospitality By The Toasty-Fried Co-op
	Floating in the pool, I saw the most amazing thing! A large, scaly reptile rose out of the pool and roared loudly at nothing in particular. It was very upset about something, but that seemed uninportant to me. I had other plans.      I left the pool and went into my house to get a camera. My camera is new and cost very much. It is Japanese, and it uses Japanese film. I have many Japanese items, so I wasn't too surprised when Godzilla rose from my pool. I often thought that he is nice, and he is welcome in my home.      Many other Japanese monsters have visited me; I am very accomodating, as are my neighbors. They have a collective intelligence that analyzes everything about Japanese culture, including the monsters. Gamera and Rodan often visit for tea. They are sure well-mannered, and I like having tea with them, and they are not at all offensive, unless Mothra comes, uninvited. He sometimes makes them angry and they sometimes make a mess of my yard by fighting in my yard. Sometimes, I have to repair everything. The police often stop me and ask if I need any help in cleaning up the mess, but I always refuse. I can do it myself, with no help from them. I am not at all tired because I take vitamins. Do you? You should. In fact, I'll sell you some.      I am a very well-mannered salesperson, because I am Japanese. My mother raised me properly. I am six feet tall and look like Richard Gere, except that I am Japanese and I have slanty eyes.      My father sells donuts and coffee in Maryland. I give him big hugs whenever he visits. I live in New Mexico, next to a McDonald's that sells iguana sushi. I never eat there. Mother loves to eat there because she is very strange. She even invites Mothra to eat with her.      I am very ashamed of my family, because they are ill-mannered and smelly. If you ever visit New Mexico, look me up. I will give lots of free food. I like turnips and pumpkins, so you could eat some of my famous casserole. Julia Child got sick on my veranda because she ate something green and slimy. I hope that she doesn't eat Godzilla's babies again.      It makes me happy to have hungry company, but I don't always like them afterwards because they sometimes make a mess. My house is condemned when everyone damages it. I will rebuild it after Hell freezes over.      Meanwhile, I'll photograph anyone who drops by, because I have a new album to put all of the pictures into. My parents enjoy looking at my photos!      Do you have time to chat with me? I ceratinly hope so. I like to chat because I am very lonely sometimes. If you love food, I'm always cooking something for guests.                                                                 END
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