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When I feel bad and un-easy I like to go back to the place where I felt the best in my life. See In San Diego I have Lived many places. Getting kicked out of every school in the sweetwater district I had to move alot and I went to alot of schools...Well Today may 14th or 15th 2003 whatever I drove back to ph. I always start crying when I go back. I mean for me I have alot of homes or places I used to call home. But Paradise Hills was a special place for me. See even in my time as a big time promoter and famous guy everyone knew me, I was really not well known in the pilipino part of ph. from parkside to woodman to briarwood to worthington. And It was an escape but not far because just across that briarwood bridge I was back in bonita downs.
..............................................So I drove to ph amd It was hard . Every time It hurts me. Its soo quiet at night. I love those little trreets that end with brook. meadowbrook, westbrook , treebrook, goode, alsaca. Alot of people do not like that area but that is because they do not know anyone there and have never lived there. I've been in all kinds of houses around there and it is a family type of niegborhood. Tons of pretty girls and Its not rich rich but it's high class. I have seen Hundreds of pretty girls in that area. Maybe I like that house because I met tina while I was living there. And My life has never been half-way as good since the time I knew her. Now I want to cry again but I won't. I usually never talk about her but my therapist tells me it is good to talk about everything to try to move on with my own life. But I really have never moved on. I have tried. Someone told me " Time heals all wounds ". Well if you find that dude tell him " It's BEEN 4 DAMM YEARS!" .
....................... I think I called tina losbanos about 3 months ago. She hung up on me as usual. Took me 3 months just to get the balls to call her. Yha you see how I put peoples names on blast. Yha I burn people out. But if you ruin my life I'll say your name out to everyone. But yha i mean I started having sex with other girls. I guess that is a step toward moving on with my life. I always felt if I touched another girl that would be disrespectfull because I loved her. I'm a dumbass, obsessed loser. But I am ok with it now. For years I wouldn;t even look at other girls. and now that I look a little bit , when I do see someone I like and I talk to them I fall back into that Obsessed mode but with another girl. Like " I can;t live my life witrhout them" . I turn into a total slave. I think I have emotional problems.
............................ I think I will buy a house off Briarwood right on alsacia. Something on a small street and very quiet. But Yha I miss that girl tina. When I met her I threw away my whole life because I didn;t want any of that . I didn;t care about fame, money,career, or anything most people crave for. All I wanted to do was to be with her and to serve her and to share my life with her. That is why when I meet another girl I already know how good it feels inside to be with someone. These guys who are players or treat girls bad or cheat are idiots because they have no idea how it feels to be in love or to love someone. I mean People Tell me I ill not have a problem meeting another girl and I have been meeting girls It's just hard for me to open up to them and My standerds are soo high that a girl who is fine and smart enough or so I think is hard to find. I wish tone's cousin anitra was here in san diego. I think she is married. I miss her as well. I miss alot of people. I never get to see anyone .........
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