June Cont'd

28 - I got my Belly Button Tattoo Friday; it looks cool.  Joseph called me Saturday; he is odd.  I went to a house party Saturday night that Teo invited me to and saw 4 bands (and Teddy from Sever)... yum yum.  I had a great time, but wished Josh was there with me.  I drove by Mitch's house on the way home; that did a lot to help me from feeling lonely..NOT!  Josh called at midnight (and I happened to be sleeping... alone - imagine that!).  I went to get him at his friend's house and he spent the night.  I put him on my cel phone account; hopefullly I won't regret that.  I saw Mitch this morning, but a super had him stopped talking to him so I just put his water and a note by a trash can and left.  He gave me a smile and a nod; how could I ask for anything more?  (feel the sarcasm).  I am getting my boobs lifted Thursday.  Josh has assured me that he is picking me up.  Josh called his mom from my house Sunday morning and was telling her that it is over between him and his wife.

July

1 - Dr. Resto and I will battle gravity today.   I am more nervous then the last surgery; I think because I am completely alone right now.  Joseph (who I am calling Chip from now on) is dropping me off and Josh is taking off a little early to pick me up.  We will pick up Haylie on the way home so she can spend a few days with me to help if I need it.  I saw Josh last night.  We agreed as much as we don't like this situation, we shouldn't be in any hurry to change it as neither of us are ready to make changes right now.  I DO cherish every minute I get to spend with him.  Mitch hasn't called me at all, but I am not surprised.  I swear I am just about to completely shut the door on that guy. 3 - MM#16 My boobs look amazing!  They are all cut up and bloody, but they still look amazing.  They look much smaller I think, especially when I look straight down at them.  When I look at them in a mirror though, they still look pretty big and full and much better.  Right now the right one is much bigger then the left one and it is bleeding quite a bit still.  I called the Dr. and he said to pull the tape off of it and just put a pad under there and it will dry up and scab over.  6 - Other then a couple hours at Teo's block party, I had a pretty crappy weekend.  I was a bit surprised that the emotion that flared was anger though. I realized how much I have very little patience for most people.  If I can handle being around someone for 10 min and they don't piss me off, I am doing good.  There are so many things I am not in control of which is another thing that makes me angry.  Another highlight this weekend was talking to Chip when he got home from Havasu; he made me laugh.  My right boob is VERY bruised and still bleeding plasma.  I talked to Josh today.  (See private entry). 9 - Josh broke up with me Wednesday night (see private entry).  I went out to dinner with Chip and LuAnn hoping to fix them up.  I sorta was regretting this now that Josh dumped me, but I love Lu, and Chip and her have much more in common so its ok.  They seemed to hit it off really well, but she is a bit more smitten then he is I think.  He called me today and left me a voice mail and that said how much his life is brighter now that he has met me and then started singing "you are my sunshine".  He is so special. 12 - I went to go see Jason Saturday which was a long trip with 3 of the kids.  I went to CG for a couple hours Saturday night.  I was dog tired from the trip and I was very sad that the attendence was horrible.  There are rumors that it may close:-(  I went to CG for a few hours Sunday and had a awesome conversation with Tony about God.  He has written a few books and I can't wait to read them.  I had a date with Dennis last night.  He is really cool and good looking but there is no spark there for me like I think he feels.  This morning I woke up sweating; I had a terrible dream about Josh.  I wrote a short "closure" note and put it on his truck before I came to work this morning.  I think I accidently threw my ATM card and DL in the trash this morning which sucks.  I have been shaking and feeling sick all morning.  This Josh thing really hasn't bothered me until now.   My boobs are looking good.  One is still very bruised and bleeding a little though.  I had a check up Friday; he said they look great.  I think I may go camping with my friend Jim at a nudist resort in California next weekend and my friend just invited me up to a spa retreat weekend in Mesquite the weekend after that; that should be a nice distraction. 14 - Fuck!  Love hurts! 16 - I got pissed off at most of my "friends" today and also Josh...  I changed my phone number.  I am glad I am getting out of town this weekend.