Happily ever after?
01/04/01
So many times I've seen people falling head
over heals in love and then after a while reality
starts to eat up their dreams and slowly they
start to fall "out of love"...Here's to
hope, hard work and happiness:
Do you remember
being in love?
Blooms and
Butterflies
inspiring
sandcastle dreams
overwriting
gremlin'd pasts...
But then
the pigs came
gorged
and left
And all that was left
was a desert of longing
as we crawled endlessly
towards the promise
of an oasis of
and they lived happily ever after...
So we start again.
Sowing the seeds
of our lingering affection
Because
Maybe
we'll smell the roses
Again
And this time
by taking care of the thorns
we can live
happily
ever after
afterall...
-Smile,2001 -
Re: Curel Artist (reply to
Gryg)
01/12/01
I like this one, Grygz!
Here's one I just wrote:
As you paint
me
boldly
(too cocky)
honestly
(too honest)
carelessly
(too painful)
in your own Picasso style,
what a cruel artist
you are...
- Smile, 2001 -
Re: forlorn [re: Karma]
01/15/01
I wrote this to Warchild a
while back, when he was feeling down:
Poet,
(warchild);
your written heart's pain
will be like medicine.
Wait, patiently, for recovery.
It will come.
But do not expect afterwards
to have no scars.
And when you see the scars,
relax
and know that you have survived the pain.
Ordinary
01/16/01
This weekend I heard a song on the radio and
one frase got stuck in my head..."I could be
ordinary"
Even though
gremlins from yesteryear
crawl & hide
in my veins
making sure
that I don't get
too comfortable
in my skin...
Even though
instant guilt
of long forgotten sins
is stuck to me
by loved ones
like velcro flags
making sure
that I'll never forget...
Even though
when my heart wants to go forward
and my head seems to go backward
my feet has to stay put
making sure
that I keep my sanity...
Even though
all that
I could be ordinary...
- Smile, 2001 -
Playtime
01/18/01
Play time!
It's a new game:
If I take responsibility
and eat the guilt
you deal me...
you won't eat your packman words
(in silent punishment).
200 points for a word
a 1000 for a whole hour
silence
silence
silence
Oops!
So sorry,
I won't play this game anymore.
Horrible Mother's Day poem
01/22/01
Please forgive me for
sharing this horrible poem with you...and also
the other depressing ones you'll see soon. Some
old sores is being reopened at the moment and I'm
afraid that if i don't spit out the "goo",
I might just go off my rocker...
Horrible Mothersday poem
So I'll thank you this Mothersday
For always spoiling me with a pinch of pain in
your love
For letting me out into this cruel world without
the armour of self-believe
For never trusting me to do the right thing even
though I've proven myself to you a thousand times
For never kissing the hurt better, 'cause I had
to be a big girl
For expecting me to always be willing to forgive
and accept others no matter what but never giving
me anything more than guilt
For always reminding me of others needs but never
remembering mine
For thinking that I don't need you
Rambling rose
01/22/01
Your need to control
is like a rambling rose
beautifully decorating
the prison cell of my sanity
with thorny splender
as you choke me
immobilise me
But I won't die easily.
And as I try
to spread my wings,
a headless butterfly,
your rebelling mouth
drains every drop
of my life-feeding nectar
and I am so tired
But I won't die
again.
Madness
01/22/01
I must be mad
to sing imaginary tunes
to the moon
of dead heroes
and paperdoll futures
I must be mad
to think that you are the villian
when all you want to do
is love me
I must be mad
'cause I still love you
even though
you squeez me dry
with your well-intentioned
wisdom
Grandmothers are very special people! Here's
a poem I wrote for mine:
I will always remember...
The smell of your kitchen
"karringmelk beskuit" and "skaapboud"
Rooibos tea and lemonmerengpie
And the long happy meals at you table...
And what a propper granny you were!
Always kissing the hurt away
comforting and joking till we cried no more.
Always keeping us safe from threatening parents.
always giving secret delights with a wink and a
whisper...
How we played in your backyard
not a care in the world!
Watering the geraniums
till they almost drowned.
Searching for fairies
between chillies and apple blossom.
Playing cowboys and indians
in forts made with chairs and blankets.
And always a smile from you!
So many memories
So little words.
I'll always keep you close to my heart
and never forget your kindness and love!
Falling
01/23/01
I am so tired
of this charade
of
be nice
be good
be fine
and I am falling
into the dreaded dark place
again
where a little
is too much
and a lot
is not enough
where saying hallo feels like a speech
and a limb feel like a whole person
where a joke can unleash a storm
and a question can unleash a tigress
But I am trying to get out
of this dark hole in my head
even if my fingers bleed
and my shoes pinch
I will
Without permission
01/23/01
The thorns inside me
keeps on pricking
till my rebellious blood
starts to bubble in my veins
in protest
and escapes without permission
leaving me
anaemic
cold
betrayed by my own body
What then?
01/23/01
Tired"
is not a complaint
that I'm allowed to file
That is what the book said
and what is expected
'cause you want me to
"get over it!'
and to
"get a life!"
The book also said that
I am to choose my own happiness
But what if I am.
Tired.
and what if I choose
but it doesn't make a difference
and what if
choosing happiness in the past
is the reason why I'm so tired
now
in the first place
What then?
First Step
01/24/01
I've taken the first step
I will not turn around
and cancel
even though I feel unsure
and want to run like hell
I will stay
and finish
this.
Marionette
01/24/01
In this poem, "you" is not a
person, but rather a thing in
my head...
Through the thunder
I hear your bittersweet laughter
and you haunt me
like a bad dream
no matter how hard I try
to blot you out
you keep coming back for more taunting
'cause to you it's all fun & games
and you laugh as you witness
my pathetic tries to escape
this marionette life
Dark light
01/24/01
My eyes are wide open
not like those of a child in wonder
but like raw wounds of awareness
that can only be healed
by looking into myself
and finding the infection
My thoughts are imprisoned
not like wild animals in a cage
but like wilted flowers in a pot
searching for light
that is just around the corner
but cannot be seen
My arms and legs are heavy
not like someone who's carrying weights
(although you could have fooled me!)
but like a rebelling body
trying not to collapse
under the weight of darkness
Take a breath
02/06/01
Lolipop head of steel
bobbing in a bright blue sea
of friendly smiles
and drowning emotions
Hope yoyo'ing
between
disaster levels
and sunny skies
and back
and forth
and back
and forth...
Take a breath
or
take a nap...
decisiontime's
not necessary
today
.
Today
02/06/01
Yesterday
the whole world
came down on my shoulders
like a huge mountain
and I felt that I had to
carry it and
climb it
at the same time
to conquer the impossible
to do the unthinkable
to be the unbreakable...
Today
I am.
Tomorrow
I will see what happens
I will walk where I need to
I will choose what I have to
to be happy.
Anchored
02/07/01
anchored in your
belief
that the world should revolve around you
and not the sun...silly me!
like you are some kind of Ra
and I your adoring Moon
you spin me daily
out of my orbit of sanity
just by looking at me
through your distorted i's
But the angle is wrong
(you are not the sun)
and you are
after all
just a hurting human
trying to correct past injustices
by being larger than a scared boy
and I don't want to hurt you more
and I don't want to let you go
Spinning out of control
we both need
to be anchored by
something
more stable than inward looking eyes.
Little Bird
02/13/01
This is still a rough diamond in the
works...
As you swing in your cage
built by own fear
what a perfect little bird you are
beware the ruffled feather
no out of tune whistling for you
everything black or white
and neatly boxed into sqaure little rooms
for danger lurks: the cats want to play
and if you stray
you may surely regret the scratches
enticed by your slip
so you try to survive
by perfectly whistling
the most beautiful tune you know
and then
horror of horrors
a defective little bird
is thrown into your carefully planed cage
and desturbs the peace rudely
for this new little bird has clumsy elbows
and can't even whistle a tune
and you can see the scabs and scars on this bird
where the cats played before
so you put on your parental face
and try to teach the other bird a tune
otherwise you'll surely be doomed
but the stupid little bird only wants to play
and not to learn your correct, safe way(s)
...If you listen closely, my Love
this brown-eyed bird may surprise you
and teach you to live without fear...
Anchovied Loved
02/14/01
Your
Anchovied
Love
is my daily bread
toasted
and heartshaped
in our shared fastfood reality
where you are the only fish
in my ocean
the unsalted
free prisoner
of my affection
as our individual
and
shared desires
turns into seagrass
strangling and choking
till we are bloodless leeches
feeding off our sacred love
But you are my daily bread
Anchovie toast
for you, my love?
Two Tongued Creature
02/19/01
This poem is about more
than one person, but because they all do the
same, "you" sometimes refer to one and
sometimes to all...
Too many two tongued creatures
exists in my heart...
With one mouth you say
"I love you"
and with the other
"Go to Hell"
One moment giving warmth and hope
and the next,
with one sweep of your cruel tongue,
you destroy it -
forever gone
Depending on your mood or whim
you can
secure me
or
confuse me;
comfort me
or
condemn me;
build me
or destroy me
Please choose now
by clicking on any of the above
'cause this fragile heart
can't beat in both directions
- Smile, 2001 -
without rain
02/21/01
Today
is
a day without rain
as I finally understand that
my life
is not a failure
but a reaction.
Tomorrow
could be
a day without rain
as I finally understand that
forgiveness
is not to forget
condone
and sacrafice my happiness
but to
open up the Pandora's box
of my pain
and let go.
Tonight
I go to bed
with the knowledge that
dark times is still to come
but
in the mirror
I see the reflection
of a rainbow
to be collected.
Blood Now
02/21/01
The first frase is one that Piph used in one
of her poems...made me thought...
"I want me back"
even though it hurts
But you urged me
to keep it all inside
and this bottled up feelings
just wants to be spewed out
NOW.
But I am in the wrong play
and the curtain's already halfway up
even though I'm not ready yet
Can't you see?
I am the wrong actor
in the wrong play
only half dressed
in the wrong costume
And everything is just "too"
too much
too soon
too painful
and I am confused -
a puppet of my own designs
but there is blood in this human
and I want to get out
NOW.
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