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| Ask Gfunk |
| Life's tough questions answered by Gfunk, your friendly neighborhood E3 columnist. |
| Tara Thornbirch of Boone, NC writes: Dear Gfunk, I think all the people who write for your web publication are filthy, sacreligious pigs. You're all going to hell. That said, I'm having trouble adjusting at college. I feel as if I am constantly surrounded by evil, devil-worshipping people who have no regard for Jesus at all. People tell me all the time to "shut up" when I argue with them about theology. Even the campus minister has turned against me, claiming that drinking in moderation will not damn you to hell and that women are equal to men in society. I myself am a woman, but my fundamentalist views won't allow me to believe that. My campus church group advisor told me the other day that he got "wasted" last Saturday night. What am I to do? Satan has his influence spread all around me! |
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| Gfunk Replies: Tolerance, Tara, tolerance. THAT SAID, I think you should beat your head against a rock. Repeatedly. You're never going to get laid with that attitude, young lady. Last time I checked, people are supposed to get "wasted" in college. Don't tell me you pass the time by studying?!?! Your opinions are all fine and well, but unless you come to grips that there are other people in the world who have their own you might as well find a nice remote cave somewhere to reside in. The E3 staff is mailing you a one-size fits all t-shirt that reads, "Sex Kitten", along with a 12 pack of Busch Lite. Go have some fun with the sinners before you die, honey... Jesus may love you, but the rest of us just think you're an asshole. (11/22/2002 |
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| Send us your questions! Gfunk wants to help you solve life's problems! |
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| The E3 Staff would like to remind their readers that while GFunk does currently hold the prestigeous Silver Shovel award for his overall bullshit, he is not a licenced Psychiatrist/Psychologist/Therapist/Counselor, holds no advanced degrees of any kind, has no relevant scientific field experience, and against all advice is not a member of any 12-Step Groups. Still, he has checked out many texts on administering advice and therapy from his local library (some of which were skimmed, none actually read) and he once took a course in Psychology. With this said, please take these beautiful nuggets of wisdom offered in response to his readers' questions and apply them in your own life where applicable. |