Disclaimer: This newsletter contains explicit language and adult situations, and is sent to more than thirty subscribers with great hair, fresh breath, and winning personalities. The views expressed in this newsletter belong solely to the editor and the writers, who are all completely insane. If you would like to stop receiving this newsletter, email Kim at i_kumquat@hotmail.com because her King of Hearts Dance is Saturday night and she would like a good turnout.Mmm . . . bag juice
In this issue:
Cat's Official Week
Topic 1) High School Male Maturity
Topic 2) Leaves in the Rear View
Topic 3) Song of the Week
Topic 4) Webpage of the Week
Topic 5) Quote of the Week Cat's Official Week:
Chris Warrick's Official Moon Your Math Professor Week!Topic 1) High School Male Maturity: An Oxymoron? - By Me
About a week ago, I was thrown to the wolves. And by that I mean I was forced to sit in a lackadaisically-taught College Prep Political Systems class for a very grueling time period of twenty minutes.
As I entered the door, I was greeted by three projectile paper-wads crossing into my path. The teacher (who will remain nameless for the fact that I never even saw him in the room) was apparently done with his lesson, although I'm still not sure if there was one at all. The class was rowdy, noisy, and almost out-of-control.
But as I witnessed all this, I realized that all the problems with this class were a product of the male population in the room. The females were just sitting around chatting with their friends and acquaintances. But the boys (they don't really deserve a more manly classification) were amusing themselves with throwing things at random people (including me), grunting, and making fun of one another. The maturity difference appalled me.
I noted that these CP-level seniors (predominately of the "jock" status, but some not) had less maturity than most of the freshman girls that I know. So, I came up with a system of reform. I propose that all males be retained from entering compulsory education until the age of 8, while girls should still be encouraged to enter Kindergarten only having 5 years of life experience behind them. And since I know that there are some males who can equate with the female maturity level of their age (namely, Litterbox subscribers), they should be allowed to test out of their level and enter school at an earlier age. Just think, if my plan were in effect, the majority of the senior males would be 21 years old. v But to refute my own opinion, the program would come back around and, proverbially speaking, bite us in the butt. The senior guys would be of legal drinking age and have probably even less maturity to handle that privilege because of being suppressed for such a time. My plan would most likely make the maturity gap even bigger. But, like all defunct ideas, it sounded good in theory.
My ultimate conclusion: males will probably always be three years younger than the majority of the females with which they associate. And of course, this conclusion doesn't apply to those Y-chromosome-induced Litterbox subscribers. For the most part, anyway.Topic 2) Leaves in the Rear View: - By Travis Griffin
It?s been a bad week. That is the only way to describe the way that I feel. The good things in my life have crashed, hard. I am driving in my father's car on the way home from church. Newly fallen leaves litter the ground of this country road. I am going well over 70 miles per hour as I see the sign for my Dad?s road. I keep the car in drive and glide right by. With my thoughts centralized on lost love, I put a Dave Matthews CD into the player and turn the volume up.
My inner anger keeps my foot firmly married to the gas pedal as I negotiate the curvy road by memory. Before long, I have listened to half of the CD, and I'm a good 20 miles into the boonies.
My lovelorn stupor is broken as I hear the ringing chords of the intro to one of my favorite songs. My thoughts had been centered on the prospect of just trying to leave my troubles, but then a lyric caught my attention in a way that it never had before: ?Wasting Time, Let the hours roll by doing nothing for the fun/ A little taste of the good life/ Whether right or wrong/ Makes us want to stay, stay, stay for awhile.? I started thinking about good times with my friends, and then I saw a temptation that was irresistible.
On the side of the road, about 200 yards ahead, was a large pile of leaves. I pressed down on the gas and made speed. At about 80 miles per hour, I drove through the pile of leaves. In the rear view mirror, I saw hundreds of leaves, of all different colors, swirling around in a never-ending torrent. This was the most therapeutic event of my life. The freedom of the open road, the music, the open sunroof, and the explosion of the leaves made me forget my problems, if only for a little while.
I realized that my friends, family, people I have not yet met, and myself, are leaves. Leaves that can be manipulated in their direction by the wind, the man with a rake who is concerned about the beauty of his lawn, or a speeding Maxima. Is it chance or Fate that put me with these people who occupy my life, my fears, my joys, and my sadness? Forrest Gump said, ?I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all floatin? around accidental like on a breeze. I think that maybe it?s both happening at the same time.? I realize that no matter how disgruntled I am with my life, I better savor it while it lasts. Soon I will drop from the tree, and the people that I have known for all of my life, and I will be put together with new people. Who knows where the next breeze, or speeding automobile will take me?
Dave Matthews says, ?I will miss these things when it all rolls by, what a day makes me want to stay, stay, stay, stay here for a while.? What a day this was, and I will remember it when it rolls on by.Topic 3) Cat's Song of the Week:
"Fishy" by PhilmoreTopic 4) Webpage of the Week:
www.theantidrug.comTopic 5) Quote of the Week:
Submitted by DaPonte: "If your parents never had kids you probably won't either."Closing:
Woo, I'm tired. Have a great week y'all. And don't support terrorism (by being cool and not using drugs--see the webpage of the week).
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