Disclaimer: This newsletter contains explicit language and adult situations, and is sent to more than thirty subscribers with great hair, fresh breath, and winning personalities. The views expressed in this newsletter belong solely to the editor and the writers, who are all completely insane. If you would like to stop receiving this newsletter, email Ro at RohitRocky@aol.com because he's a rookie. I need a prom date. Any MARTA-loving takers?In this issue:
Cat's Official Week
Topic 1) The Bitch List
Topic 2) Where is the Love?
Topic 3) Song of the Week
Topic 4) Webpage of the Week
Topic 5) Quote of the Week Cat's Official Week:
Go By Your Middle Name Week, just for kicks. Topic 1) The Bitch List: - Compiled By Me
I really have nothing to say this time, so I won't say anything. Instead, I'll provide the follow-up to Issue #21's Thankful List (go to the archives to see it). And now, what people aren't so thankful for, in random order:
Boys . . . 12 minute train delays . . . compulsory education . . . two left feet . . . moodiness . . . artificial cheese . . . Economics/Government . . . stupid people . . . public transportation schedules . . . wedgies . . . overpriced candy . . . freshmen . . . menstrual cycles . . . school food . . . term papers . . . artificial breasts . . . bad haircuts . . . curfew laws . . . small bladders . . . English class . . . Britney Spears . . . aphasia . . . mayonnaise . . . one-hit wonders . . . capri pants . . . affirmative action . . . drunk drivers . . . pantyhose . . . slackers . . . greasy hair . . . crappy pens . . . ambiguity . . . dry chicken . . . shoddy craftsmanship . . . in-class essays . . . PMS . . . posers . . . acne . . . runny noses . . . cold feet . . . death and taxes . . . dateless Fridays . . . hormones . . . Band . . . smelly garbage . . . bad moods . . . senioritis . . . lost objects . . . misleading menus . . . stress . . . stupid teachers . . . bad circulation . . . exams . . . bad listeners . . . injuries . . . mean people . . . illusions . . . bad breath . . . poachers . . . body odor . . . fruit-derived names . . . first sopranos . . . boredom . . . sleepless nights . . . annoying songs . . . two-faced friends . . . "head games" . . . one-hour detentions . . . relatives . . . social roles . . . underwire bras . . . high schoolTopic 2) Where is the Love?: - Submitted by Shannon Mylander
Little David comes home from first grade and tells his father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. "Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," he asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?"
David's father thinks a bit, then says, "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"
"Osama Bin Laden," David says.
"Why Osama Bin Laden?" his father asks in shock.
"Well," David says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish boy could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."
His father's heart swells and he looks at his boy with newfound pride. "David, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."
"I know," David says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could blow the crap out of him." Topic 3) Cat's Song of the Week:
"Hey Kid" by the Ataris. This pertains to the Bitch List somewhat. Topic 4) Webpage of the Week:
Brush up on the Curling competition at www.nbcolympics.com Topic 5) Quote of the Week:
Peaceout9X: what's a promise ring?
GTDuck23: I don't know, I guess it is a cheap version of an engagement ring w/o as many commitments
Peaceout9X: ah
GTDuck23: all the girls were talking about it, so I pretended to know what it was so I wouldn't look stupid Closing:
I'll close out this week with two shameless advertisements.
First, if anyone is free Friday afternoon, feel free to come to my soccer game. I play in the 4:00 game at the Castle. The Varsity Girls are playing after us, and I'll be there to watch.
Also, the Central Gwinnett Black Knight Chorus has our Pre-Festival and Literary Concert on Tuesday, Feb. 26, 7:30 PM, at Lawrenceville First Baptist. My group will probably perform close to the end, so punctuality isn't a must.
Have a good week everyone.Previous Edition | Next Edition [ Get Involved | Home | Songs | Archives | Quotes | Websites ]
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