Disclaimer: This newsletter contains explicit language and adult situations, and is sent to more than forty subscribers with great hair, fresh breath, and winning personalities. The views expressed in this newsletter belong solely to the editor and the writers, who are all completely insane. If you would like to stop receiving this newsletter, email Grant at Grant@TheAtaris.com because Monday is his birthday.
In this issue:
Cat's Official Week
Topic 1) The Eyebrow Standard
Topic 2) Eternal Questions
Topic 3) Another Shameless Advertisement
Topic 4) Song Lyric of the Week
Topic 5) Webpage of the Week
Topic 6) Quote of the Week
Cat's Official Week:
The Official Roll Your R's Like a Hispanic Week.
Topic 1) The Eyebrow Standard:
By Me
Ok, I'm gonna come straight out and say it. I'm absolutely sick of people telling me to change myself. Apparently, as I step out into this great world, I've been told I should "stay true to myself," and then the same people tell me to compromise my physical identity and have a "perfect" nose, a uniform tan, dyed hair, and tweezed eyebrows that look like all the people in the teeny-bopper magazines or something. Well, y'know what, I don't want that. I've never been in a magazine and I don't ever plan on it. My goal in life was never to become some airbrushed, two-dimensional sex icon that pubescent boys keep in a stash under their bed. So why should I look the part? I don't idolize those people or their plastic facial features.
I call it a "cultural" belief, but that's just because some people cannot comprehend the value of a "personal" belief. If God wanted me to have thin eyebrows and a different hair color, he would've given those things to me! I regard myself as pretty, but not in that "American" way. I know I'm one of the few girls my age who doesn't think she's fat. And, darn it, I like who I am.
I especially like my eyebrows. Yeah, they don't conform to what some lame magazine thinks eyebrows should look like, but that's what's so cool about them. And why wasn't I chosen for the committee who decided what eyebrow thickness fits the American standard of 'prettiness'? Jerks. My eyebrows make me more expressive. I guess you could call it a personal, God-given tribute to Frida Kahlo and Groucho Marx. Along with the rainbow shoelaces, my eyebrows are one of my personal trademarks. And best of all, they shield my eyes from the rain!
Girls, trust me, it is not some Prom prerequisite to pluck your eyebrows, or get a nail appointment, wear twelve pounds of makeup, or even do your hair at that. In fact, I think I'm gonna wear a top hat this year!
Topic 2) Eternal Questions:
by Divya Nair
Why are some people so DUMB that they confuse Indians and Native Americans?
Bye Bye Bye,
Peanut butter: Creamy or Chunky?
Which came first: the chicken or the chicken sandwich? (I know this one is lame but it made me giggle, and I used to work at Chick-Fil-A)
Bunnies or rabbits?
What is the meaning of life?
Is there meaning to life?
What does the Easter bunny have to do with JC (Jesus Christ)?
Why do radio stations play the same four songs over and over again?
Why are school counselors STUPID and unhelpful?
Why do some people carry a pager and a cellphone?
Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?
In foreign languages with masculine and feminine nouns, how do they decide what gender something is and who are they?
Will the South really rise again?
Why don't they drink or even recognize Sweet Tea in the North?
Why are there no black people on the show "Friends"?
How many licks to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
Why do teachers torture students their SENIOR year?
Why did Alex Trebeck shave off his signature mustache?
AND FINALLY....
If a dog and a cat could somehow mate and had a baby would it be called a DAT or a COG?
Divya
Topic 3) Another Shameless Advertisement:
By Me
Got nothing to do next Thursday or Friday night? Well, good. That means you can come see Central Gwinnett's Black Knight Chorus perform a lively musical revue entitled "Hats Off to Broadway." We'll form "A Chorus Line" in "Oklahoma" where we'll "Grease" our way to "Fame." So schedule your dates to head straight to Central Gwinnett's Theater at 7:30 PM on either May 2nd or 3rd. The cost is only $5 (less than any lame movie you would've seen at the AMC instead). An added treat for those who attend the Friday show: I will be a singing nun that night! Don't miss it!
Topic 4) Cat's Song Lyric of the Week:
I wanna live in TV land with Mr. T and the A-Team; my problems they could solve before the end of the show. I wanna live in TV land where they're so thin and pretty; they must be nice people 'cause they're on 90210
"TV Land" by Superchic[k]
Topic 5) Webpage of the Week:
See pics from my church retreat. A lot of interesting pictures of people who, for the most part, do not attend Central. Enjoy! http://www.sjnlilburn.org/Life%20Teen%20%20Pictures.htm
Topic 6) Quote of the Week:
"If nobody likes you, then you can't be President." - Div
Closing:
Hope you all have a good week, and hope to see you at my chorus show this week. Remember, you can respond to anything said here through the website. All articles accepted, and there's a message board, too. Smile!
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