Disclaimer: This newsletter contains explicit language and adult situations, and is sent to more than forty subscribers with great hair, fresh breath, and winning personalities. The views expressed in this newsletter belong solely to the editor and the writers, who are all completely insane. If you would like to stop receiving this newsletter, email Ian at GGAIPJ@aol.com because he made for an interesting prom date.
In this issue:
Cat's Official Week
Topic 1) Cheesy Graduation Haiku
Topic 2) Random Acts of Social Deviance
Topic 3) Song Lyric of the Week
Topic 4) Webpage of the Week
Topic 5) Quote of the Week
Cat's Official Week:
Go For Broke Week.
Topic 1) Cheesy Graduation Haiku:
By Me
AP Exams done
Talk about four days of hell!
Too many essays
Reti'ring teachers
Will remember our class most
We're a crazy bunch
Book covers, bye-bye
Out with six-minute class change
And dumb notebook-checks
Done with gray lockers
No more administrators
Or stupid dress codes
On May twenty-third
We march alphabetic'ly
Mommy takes pictures
Honor graduates
With our cords, stoles, and medals--
We look like hunchbacks
Jenni and Brad speak
Co-valedictorians?
How freaky is that!
Topic 2) Random Acts of Social Deviance:
Compiled by Me
The sad thing is that most of these have already been attempted by Central's Sociology classes. The not-so-sad thing is that you can try them out for yourself!
So here are some cures for that fast-approaching inevitable summertime boredom:
* At every red light, roll down your window and tell the person next to you they have a flat tire.
* Follow strangers around with a video camera. Be prepared to get cussed out.
* Pretend you have Turret's Syndrome, and yell random noises in quiet places. (You'll probably get asked to leave a library, but you won't be arrested.)
* Try on the other gender's clothes. Remember to ask for assistance. (This works especially well for guys trying on girls' dresses.)
* Dance around in public places that have music in the background. (Stores are good for this, or for something even weirder, dance around when there's no music playing.)
* Take a real phone off the hook, and walk around pretending that it's a cell phone. Remember to have the cord hanging down and keep saying, "Can you hear me now?"
* Go up the down escalator for a long time (half an hour is good).
* When filling up your gas tank, put in a dollar's worth, then go in and pay, then go back and put another dollar's worth in, then pay, etc. Keep doing that until the attendant gets mad at you.
* Put four cents of gas in your tank, then pay for it with a $20.
* Go to a place that you used to work at, show up in the uniform, and try to pass off as an employee. Try to get into the company's freezer or start handing out free samples. This works well if you worked for a chain of stores/restaurants and go to a neighboring one that you didn't work at. If you really wanna do this one, I'd suggest a consultation with Darren Glaze beforehand.
* Go into a restaurant and inquire about items of their competitors. (Example: In Burger King, ask about the BigMacs and tacos.)
* Lean up against strangers. Or, when talking to people, stand at an uncomfortable closeness. They'll probably take a step back (unless they're European).
* Take a giant stuffed animal into a restaurant with you. Put it in a seat, and ask the waiter to give it a menu. When you order your meal, ask for two plates because the two of you will be sharing a meal.
* Wear your clothes inside out and backwards. A new fashion trend?
* Draw a face on a piece of wood. Take it around the mall, pretending that it's your boyfriend/girlfriend. Buy it a drink, and take it to try on clothes.
* When at the supermarket, put a thing of cookies in a couple's shopping cart when they're not looking. Then watch them fight about who put it there.
Topic 3) Cat's Song Lyric of the Week:
Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now? Can we survive it out there? Can we make it somehow? I guess I thought that this would never end, and suddenly it's like we're women and men. Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round? Will these memories fade when I leave this town?
"Graduation" by Vitamin C (Yes, I know this is a cop-out, but did you submit any lyrics? Alright then.)
Topic 4) Webpage of the Week:
www.hissyfit.com (submitted by Emily)
Topic 5) Quote of the Week:
"Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed."
-Mark Twain
Closing:
So now that everyone will have some free time on their hands after finals, I would like to remind you that I gladly accept any submissions (articles, websites, quotes, etc.). Just go to the website (ADDRESS AT TOP)! Happy finals to underclassmen and those who didn't exempt, and have a good week all. Thursday, 7pm, I graduate!
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