Disclaimer: This newsletter contains explicit language and adult situations, and is sent to fifty-ish subscribers with great hair, fresh breath, and winning personalities. The views expressed in this newsletter belong solely to the editor and the writers, who are all completely insane. If you would like to stop receiving this newsletter, ride the Orbit Bus for an hour or so.
In this issue:
Cat's Official Week
Topic 1) Giant University = Proportional Loneliness
Topic 2) The Four F's of Higher Education
Topic 3) Song Lyric of the Week
Topic 4) Webpage of the Week
Topic 5) Quote of the Week
Cat's Official Week:
This one is Send a Snail-Mail Week. Start by sending some to me. (I'm sick of only getting my roommate's mail in my box.) Baked goods are accepted as well!
Topic 1) Giant University = Proportional Loneliness
By Me
So, here I am, at college. Woo! I've made it! I'm at the biggest school in the state, with supposedly 32,500 of my best friends. The problem is that about 32,000 of those people won't even talk to me.
Now don't get me wrong, I reach out and try to meet new people. And I achieve this goal on a daily basis. Yes, I have a lot of acquaintances. But there are three reasons I can count as to why I have no new friends. These are the fact that UGA is a huge school, the prevalence of giant lecture classes, and of course, the ever-so-annoying fad of the cell phone.
The problem with a university of gargantuan proportion is that once I meet someone in the dining hall, I probably will never see them again. Also, people are afraid to come out of their shell and reach out to new people. Since this is a giant school, everyone still has contact with people they knew before they got here (high school pals and whatnot). I know my condition will improve soon, but I'm convinced that if I came here knowing no one, I would at least have one new friend. Wouldn't I?
Giant lecture courses kind of play into this fact as well. Every time I attend my 400-person Geography lecture, I sit next to someone new, knowing that circumstances will be different in two days. I'll never remember the name of the Australian cutie who accidentally bumped my arm on occasion, nor will I probably see him again.
But lectures are fun! Especially when compared to the number of people yapping on their cell phones between classes. Students are avoiding new people and new situations by punching a few random buttons to call their friend. Who is so important that they need to be talked to from a someone sitting on an East-West route at 9 am, anyway? If I were on the other end of the line, I'd be offended. And as a note to all the kids with the cellies always pressed to their ears (predominantly girls, I've noticed): I'm looking down on you and your poor social skills. Save your "What are you doing?" and narrations of every detail of your life for the phone in your dorm room. Or for an actual visit in person! Oh, what a novel idea!
So, am I still lonely? Maybe, but the nice part is that no one interferes with my life, my studying, or my bitching.
Topic 2) The Four F's of Higher Education:
By Me
No, not my GPA . . . These are the four benefits of a post-secondary learning experience, especially at the largest university in the state: Fun, Friends, Food, and Freebies!
1. Fun! Yes, this place is teeming with fun. Apparently, this town has a good night life, especially those Thursday night frat parties. Oh, did I mention good club and music scenes? Or so I've been told. (I've only spent one weekend up here, so I'll get back to ya on that one.)
2. Friends! Despite my bitching in the previous article, I do talk to people, some of which have potential. Some girls on my hall are really awesome, especially the R.A. (Resident Assistant, for those of you don't speak the lingo yet).
3. Food! Amazingly, no student here whines about "dorm food." We have award-winning dining halls, with things like waffle-makers, a Country Chicken Buffet, and pretty damn good pizza. And did I mention we have three of these things?
4. Freebies! This place is teeming with handouts. Crazy corporations know that the Student Center sees probably 20,000 students in a given day, so they prey upon us with a t-shirt here, a slushy there, and plastic cups everywhere!
So . . . have I convinced anyone to jump on the college bandwagon?
Oh, I think this school would lynch me if I didn't mention the fifth F: Football. It's like a damn religion here.
Topic 3) Cat's Song Lyric of the Week:
Some boys take a beautiful girl/ And hide her away from the rest of the world./ I wanna be the one to walk in the sun./ Oh, girls, they wanna have fun.
"Girls Just Wanna Have Fun," Cyndi Lauper
Topic 4) Webpage of the Week:
http://idolonfox.msn.com/home.htm American Idol! Kelly won! And the girls across the hall from me were screaming in joy.
Topic 5) Quote of the Week:
"Just put me in an X-Ray with some sort of insect, and I'm sure something good will come of it."
- Ms. Hughes, my [sadomasochistic] Multicultural Lit teacher
Closing:
Hey, I'm in college! Woo! I don't have to go to school; I choose to go to school! How liberating!
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