Disclaimer: This newsletter contains explicit language and adult situations, and is sent to fifty-ish subscribers with great hair, fresh breath, and winning personalities. The views expressed in this newsletter belong solely to the editor and the writers, who are all completely insane. If you would like to stop receiving this newsletter, email Chris Rhoton at arkie42@hotmail.com because his birthday is the first day of school. Ha!
In this issue:
Cat's Official Week
Topic 1) Trek Across America: Parte Dos
Topic 2) Still Having a Bad Day?
Topic 3) Grant's Opinion: 'Don't Judge My Freedom'
Topic 4) Song Lyric of the Week
Topic 5) Webpage of the Week
Topic 6) Quote of the Week
Cat's Official Week:
Ugly Truck Week. I'll be keeping tallies on how many I see.
Topic 1) Trek Across America: Parte Dos
By Me
This is a very strange country. I mean, could Texas be any bigger? I've discovered that I'm really not a big fan of that state, and believe me, I won't mess with it anymore. Spending three too many days in El Paso, where it rained mud on the 4th of July was enough. But you thought Georgia was slow? Ha, Texas is slower than molasses and it takes almost two days to cross! It's just too damn big! With so many vast stretches of nothing, I had to amuse myself by dust-whirlwind-spotting and seeing figures in the mountains. ("Hey, that one looks kinda like a ducky!") We also amused ourselves by playing our one CD (Rockapella In Concert) over and over again, since we couldn't pickup any steady radio stations, and when we could, it was always Spanish talk radio or that Tejano circus music stuff. (Mom hates that.)
And then it rained bugs. It really sounded like rain, but no such luck, lots of smooshed bugs appeared on our windshield, making it so we could hardly see out of it. Thank God for the next gas station (about eight miles away), where we and many other weary travelers blasted the hose on our cars and "buggies" (ha, pun!).
But I wouldn't say that our trip was bad, since all the bad stuff happened after we saw all of our destinations. Coming back was hell and a half. But at least Texas has some really cheap clothes!Topic 2) Still Having a Bad Day?:
submitted by Mark Rinehart
Still having a bad day? Just remember, it could be worse... a continuation of last issue.
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.
**Still think you are having a bad day?**
A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.
**STILL think you're having a bad day?**
Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two hopeless protesters were trampled to death.
**What?! STILL having a bad day??**
Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits. There now, feeling better?
Topic 3) Grant's Opinion: 'Don't Judge My Freedom':
By Grant Richmann
I am Pro-choice and being Pro-choice I have take a lot of heat from Christians and Pro-lifers; I have even been called a baby killer and a supporter of murder. Upon reading recent articles in the magazine Positive Youth Foundation, I have become angry and distraught with the audacity that many Pro-lifers have to attack other people on their beliefs.
Pro-choice does not mean I believe death and killing is okay. Being Pro-choice means I think there is a right to choose. It doesn't mean I agree with everything about abortions or that I agree with them at all. Women's rights should not be infringed upon, and important court cases such as Roe v. Wade should be respected to keep this a country of freedom. Also, please realize that my opinions are completely my own. Just like everyone in this great nation of ours, we Pro-choicers have the freedom of believing what we want to. If you believe abortion is wrong, tell me about it; don't harass me and curse me. Statistics from the National Abortion Federation state that there has been 7 murders, 17 attempted, 40 bombings, 80 attempted arsons or bombings and over a thousand death and bombing threats. How ironic that a belief based around "saving lives" has destroyed so much.
Topic 4) Cat's Song Lyric of the Week:
I don't even have my corsage, oh gee; it fell down the sewer with my sister's ID.
"Raining on Prom Night" by Cindy Bullens (and covered by The Ataris)
Topic 5) Webpage of the Week:
www.turnitdown.com (submitted by Grant)
Topic 6) Quote of the Week:
"Sometimes something can look beautiful just because its different in
some way from the other things around it." - Andy Warhol (submitted by Christy)
Closing:
So this is the last 'Box before I leave for college and shove my entire life into a cubbyhole in Athens. Hopefully, I will find the time among all the learning, studying, and most of all, partying to fulfill my self-inflicted duty as Editor-In-Chief of this great email-newsletter-thingy. If I fail, I'll pass the task on to someone more responsible, more creative, and most importantly, not yet in college.
And one more thing: if any of you college kids switch email addresses, gimme a holla.
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