All of the stuff that didn’t really fit
anywhere else, gathered together in one supremely random section.
The best name for a tree ever, and also
an inspired name for an educational Saturday morning kids show featuring a
talking monkey, a tree with some sort of magical powers and some incredibly
easy mathematical problems.
The monkey puzzle tree, previously known
as the Chilean pine, got it’s distinctive moniker at a tree-planting ceremony
when a Chilean dignitary remarked, “It would puzzle a monkey to climb that
tree.” Whether this is true or merely a commonly accepted urban legend, I am
pleased to say I didn’t just make it up.
The monkey puzzle is of the genus Araucaria araucana, native to Chile. It
has a regular dome-shaped crown of downward pointing branches. The leaves are
prickly with a leathery texture. It is the nearest living example of the trees
of the Carboniferous period 300 million years ago. All work and no play makes
Steve a dull boy.
Aka the Primate of All England, which
makes this religious leader sound like a big monkey. Unfortunately this is not
the case, however the idea is not as far-fetched as it might sound. Assuming
for the moment that God created man in His own image, Darwin’s theory of
evolution implies that God is a monkey, so what possible reason is there to not
have a primate as Primate? I am also reminded of one of the all-too-few
editions of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire on which a contestant left with
nothing, after confidently asserting that the Archbishop of Canterbury was, in
fact, known as the Marsupial of all England. Cue hoots of derision from the
audience, and Chris Tarrant trying very, very hard not to do the same.
Almost deserving of a section of it’s
own, but misses out because I don’t know much about it. So instead of a
comprehensive, well-researched guide, you’ll have to settle for a few musings
on the few games that have caught my eye.
|
Donkey Kong |
Well-known series of Nintendo
platformers, originally known as Monkey Kong when first released in Japan.
This soon became Donkey Kong, presumably because they realised that the
eponymous hero was, in fact, a gorilla and not a monkey. It is therefore
reasonable to assume that no-one pointed out that he wasn’t a donkey either. |
|
Monkey Island |
Highly popular series of adventure games,
featuring a multitude of daftly-named pirates, several islands and not nearly
enough monkeys. Several sequels were made, their titles closely mirroring
those of the Planet of the Apes sequels. |
|
Super Monkey Ball |
Remember those games where you had to
roll a marble around a maze by tilting the maze this way and that? Well, now
imagine replacing the marble with a monkey in a ball for no apparent reason,
and you will have a fair idea of what Super Monkey Ball is like. Even if you
have no idea why. |
|
Ape Escape |
One of the most primate-heavy titles
of recent years, this enjoyable romp saw you chasing a bunch of monkeys
around various themed levels, with the aim of catching them in a big net. Matters
were complicated slightly by the fact that many of them had learned to drive
tanks. Incidentally, the only place where they were referred to as apes was
in the game’s misleading title. |
I know there’s probably more, but I can sense
the end of the guide drawing near, and I’m so very tired. If anyone is more
informed about the subject, I welcome your contributions.
Michael Jackson’s pet chimp, who may or
may not be dead by now. My lawyers advise me that an ‘I’m forever blowing
Bubbles’ joke would not be appropriate right now, so I’ll just leave it to your
imagination.
“The higher the monkey climbs, the more
you see of his ass”
“Monkey see, monkey do”
“Cold enough to freeze the bollocks off
a brass monkey”
“More fun than a barrel of monkeys”
This is, apparently, the official NASA
name for the chimps that were sent into orbit in the early days of the space
program. For more information than you could possibly ever need about
apeonauts, click here.
Incidentally, a monkey is £500 in
Cockney betting speak, and Brass Monkeys is a live music venue in Hastings
Home Films TV Music Miscellany Real