Silently
Through days of sleepless dreams,
She is wasting away her life.
Eternal bliss with a lover, she seeks
Her gothic knight in shining armor,
Her fallen angel.
Restless nights he thinks of her
Her sweet lips pressed against his
His porcelain doll, his pallid rose.
They pass by, invisible to one another.
Will they ever see through their barriers?
Barriers of dreams and lust-
Distance between them
But what would happen if dreams became real?
Surely they would shatter.
With broken heart, broken soul, and broken mind
They each went their own way
...Silently into the night.
The Never Ending
Since I've been falling forever
It's easy to say I'll be okay
I've had interior decorating
But my wrists are scarred in dismay
I survived the world a million fold
And harbored feelings of hate
On the path of self-destruction
I thought only pain was my fate
My weaknesses reveal the past
And has left my future untold
My heart sank too far
Because I'll always be alone
The knife is on the table
Please tell me something new
Cold hearted world, speak!
I didn't know we were so few
My soul cries for years lost
and I linger deep inside my heart
The Great Beyond sings to me
Though I fear I'll never part
For You
You know I'd die for you
In a heart beat
I'd sing a thousand songs
Anything for you
Yet I was discarded
Like a piece of trash
Your happiness I put before my own
For you, just for you.
So love, leave like the sun
On a silently fading day.
Voices
Darkness eating me away inside
Looking for the bright side
Monsters swelling up in my chest
Never letting me rest
Heart thumping louder
Blood boiling in my veins
Shadowy figures all around
Whispers of insanity
No one can know
The voices I fear are my own
Darkness
Looking out the tinted glass
as the sun subsides
As the darkness approaches
I step into the night
Mindless people walk past
calling us Children of the Moon
My blood dances through my body
and I walk on by
Starry sky and cool breeze
Life teems in my soul
and passion sparks in my eyes
Once again I feel so alive
yet that void is still within
I wait and I ponder
Dawn is coming
Slowly reality sets in
I step into the shadows
time doesn't wait for me
Delving into the darkness once more
I have tears in my eyes
In Dreams
In far away dreams, I see you
I can tell you how I feel.
In my dreams I hold you
And it feels so real.
I still feel the pain...
And somehow I knew
You could never stay
And somehow I knew
That you had to leave
In the early morning light
After a silent, winter night
You took my heart away
Sometimes, I wish you could've stayed
I used to dream on the horizon
And where words always failed,
You were by my side
And it felt so true.
I still feel the pain
And somehow I knew
You could never stay
Oh, somehow I knew
That you had to leave
In the evening's fading light
Through the silent winter night...
I used to dream on the horizon
And now you're so far away.
Blue Tide
Lifted up by wind, I soar
Looking down upon the sea
Reflections glimmer at me
Deep pools stare back into my soul
Showing myself so true
Essence of myself drifting higher
and the tide rises
It washes away my worries
And fills this void
This sea, this sparkling blue tide
Despair.
I wake in the heart of darkness, not day.
Oh! What sights and sounds surround me.
Unimagineable despair and horrifying irrationality.
The more I wait, the longer morning light will delay.
Wasting away, desolation is my curse.
The lost are like this, languished, and my lament,
is sorrowful and fading, like dead letters sent.
My soul is screaming, and I get worse.
Desolate.
In far away places
and in between ages
where dreams become distant
I know who you are.
Glass doesn't break
and food doesn't taste
Dawn already came.
That's where I am.
Stars fall from the sky
Where the languished lie
and the sea is crimson
No one will help me.
Stone meets earthbound dead
as they move with noiseless tread
their faded cries long lost
They have no soul to save.
I wait for light of day
So I can choose the other way
Desolation shakes me and I,
I crumble into shale.
I wrote this when I was frustrated with Horizon House (OPT) and with my family.
Drifting, floating, and fading too soon
Melting and wasting away
Humiliation while suffocating
Dissipating and disinigrating
Falling apart, disenheartened
Dismemberment, incapacitated
Flustered and exasperated
Desolate, vague, languished
Desperate, alone, punished
Severred, ruinned, decayed
Abandonned with debt to be paid,
Panicked, can hardly breathe
Lost, lied to, been decieved
Too many tears to cry
Not enough life for me to die
A love poem for a non-existant lover.
My Word.
These words, this tongue, every cell in this body, came from this earth, I dote on you.
I breathe in, I breathe out, and if tears made dreams come true,
It is my word forever - that you have to keep, as well as my heart
That we'll have together, eternity, never having to be apart
There is neither youth nor age, for time is on our side
And there will never be more limits or rules for us to abide
I want to be in your arms and have your scent in my memory
Lips that smile and - your laughter, that will set me free
Her
Her eyes are as motionless as her limbs
A twisted frown scars her face
Then I look at her wedding photo
As it is on her wall
So young and beautiful
With a whole life ahead of her
Every detail is vibrant
Even if only in black and white
I turn her on her side
So I can change her diaper
Careful not to disturb the feeding tube
I can barely hear her breathe
And her cheek has grown so sallow
I tidy up and align her in bed
Putting her guard rails up
I see the photo
and I start to cry
Where Willows Never Weep
I step into the light and hope to be
Where the willows never weep
Come with me so I'll want to stay
Can you see me? I'm going down.
My head is low, I'm going down.
If I go any further I'll grow my wings
Fly to the heavens where I should be
Come with me so you can see
The place where willows never weep.
~Cyndi
Prescription Pills
Tests never show when you're dying slow
MRIs, PETs, a little blood work too
Prescription pills to kill the pain
Prescription pills to kill who I am
I twist and writhe with every moment
Moments I have to spend with myself
Cringing and wishing never got me anywhere
It's the beast within my head
Tests never show when you're dying slow
I can't live like this
How could I be like this
I'll just take pills to kill the pain
Prescription pills to kill who I am.
~Cyndi