| Political Trousers With Sophie Monroe |
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| Government should have overruled Shipman Knighthood |
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| Tony Blair's decision not to overrule the Queen's knighthood of Dr Harold Shipman was, in my opinion, a mistake. The Queen is said to be a close friend of the Shipman family and is 'a fan' of Shipman's work. Tony Blair, however, said yesterday in the House of Commons, "obviously |
| what Dr Shipman has done is a monstrous thing and is not something I whole-heartedly condone. But if the Queen feels that he's a little misunderstood, then who am I to argue?" Of course there is growing concern over the Queen's mental capacity at this time, since her untimely death last month. With this in mind, it would |
| seem logical that the goverment should be able to intervene in such matters. Instead they sat back and watched Dr Harold Shipman become SIR Dr Harold Shipman, as a drooling queen brought down the sword to the shoulders of the mass muderer. Shipman hasn't been back to jail since and is expected to be released for good behaviour. |
| Portillo action figure to be axed after frequently poor sales |
| Former conservative front-runner and shadow chancellor, Michael Portillo, is said to be "coping well" following the news that the Michael Portillo action figure has been removed from toy stores across the country. Toymakers, Hasbro, came to the conclusion that children weren't generally interested in purchasing this item and rather instead went for toys such as Pokemon. |
| The main purchaser, say studies, of the Portillo action figure were elderly widows, of whom there were few. |
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| Reports suggest that A-level papers were marked by an ostrich |
| New reports have come to light over why the summer's A-level papers were marked so inaccurately. Several members of the National Teacher's Union have suggested that an ostrich was employed by certain exam boards to undertake the marking process. If one were to analyse the examiner's handwriting, there would be a clear demarcation between that of a human and that of an ostrich. |
| So far, such investigations have yet to be carried out but in the next few weeks there is expected to be an official report on the matter. The accusations are largely aimed at AQA and EDEXCEL. They were brought into disrepute for doing a 'piss poor' job of marking English and mathematics papers. The mis-marking was such a problem that one girl decided to start her education again at an infant school. |
| Why legalizing theft would raise the morale of the country |
| The ongoing debate over whether or not theft should be made permissable by the Government shows no sign of halting. Yesterday, that busy PM of ours, Mr Tony Blair told the House of Commons that the government had no immediate plans to implement a 'theft leniance outlook agenda program thingy,' but that it was at the back of its mind to do so. The Conservatives wouldn't be too keen on the idea and the Liberal Democrats aren't worth the ground they walk on. But my opinion is this. If theft (and that includes street muggings and bank raids) was legalized, then crime rate in this country would decrease. |
| In fact, if we legalised crime as a whole, then there would be no crime taking place whatsoever and then we would be ever so much closer to a Utopian society. Therefore, I call not just for the legalization of theft, but for all crime to be deemed offenceless. Hence, I retract my view on the Shipman knighthood and would welcome Hitler to tea anytime (if he was still alive, that is). |
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