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You know you're not in Britain anymore when ...
Voted by you!
...You need a socal security number to have the garbage collected from outside your house. (from Rodger Macfarlane)
...you ask for Christmas crackers and they keep sending you to the food department. (from Noel Wales in San Francisco)
... you order a gin and bitter lemon and the waiter comes back with a shot of gin with a "bit of lemon" floating on top. (from Felix in Canada)
... Morcambe and Wise are mistaken for a law firm. (from Thomas in the Dominican Republic)
... Everyone keeps wishing you "Happy Holidays" at Christmas. (from Gerry in MI)
I dedicate this Star Suggestion to my Dad as it drove him up the wall when he came to visit for Christmas
... You steer well clear of food packaged as "English", e.g. genuine "English" muffins, real "English" S&V crisps, traditional "English" breakfast tea.... (Alan Day from Mitcham, Surrey)
... someone says "all you caucasians look alike to me" (from Rob Welsby in Singapore)
222. ... You order chips and get ready salted crisps instead (Neil from Warrington)
221. ... you can't find fish & chips shop anymore. (Ruth Wong in Hong Kong)
220. ... someone asks what England's like & you don't know anymore!(been gone toooooooo long) (Stan. R. Edwards from W.Virginia,U.S.[Orig.Lincs.])
219. ...Irony is like goldy or steely
b. Amurricans ask you if you ever met Monty Python
c. Amurricans think Monty Python is a person
d. You find yourself watching 'Keeping Up Appearances'
e. You can't call anyone 'geezer' because it's ageist
f. You resort to eating 'authentic' salt and vinegar crisps
g. Indian food is what the Native Amurricans eat
(Mark Needham from Las Vegas via Skegness)
218. ... I asked was 'water metered here' the salesman said he hadn't been there long and 'maybe he worked in another department'. When I said 'Who' he relied 'Walter Metered'!!! (Mike in Texas)
217. ... You call your mother to tell her you were doing "yard work" and she says she was gardening! (Paula Sebusch from (Yorkshire, England) Arizona.)
216. ... Nobody knows what Marks&Spencers is. (anonymous)
215. ... You realize that the promised four years to graduate college now takes an estimated 10 years. ( Nadia Kassar)
214. ... It's 10.40PM and no-one in the pub has three pints of lager in front of them... ( mark from Vienna, Austria [Shrewsbury])
213. ... When your American husband cooks a 'romantic' meal using 'Hamburger Helper'. (Stephanie McCallum from Malmesbury, Wilts. - Mpls. MN)
212. ... you talk to yourself and the cat in German although there is no one else in the room... (mark from vienna [originally shrewsbury])
211. ... Your girlfriend asks you what you're getting her for Sweetest's Day and you wonder why they have a holiday devoted to blonde, Nordic people. (Taylor from Cheshire)
210. ... Your not drinking with one eye on the clock waiting for a bell to ring ( Ian Joshua from Swansea [now NYC])
209. ... in a restaurant you get offered the cold half eaten remains of your dinner offered to you in a small bag. (Giles Snare from Boston, MA)
208. ... you miss it. (Purni Morell from Clapham, London)
207. ... you can't get a boiled egg and a bacon sandwich for breakfast (Purni Morell from Clapham, London)
206. ... "No right on red" is a not a political statement ( Brian Phelps from Wales)
205. ... Your catch phase is 'Coke, NO ICE' (Duncan Taylor from Yorkshire, but in MI)
204. ... a. Your house is built in two days from sticks and cardboard - and looks as good as a Hollywood backdrop.
. . . . ... b. Your house is built from sticks and cardboard in less than two days and has a 1-year warrantee. ( Warren, York, PA [Clacton, Essex])
203. ... every person you meet seems like a candidate for the Jerry Springer show!!! (Someone from California)
202. ... when your kids ride on a bus to school even though it's only a 10 minute walk. (Gillian from Oxfordshire)
201. ... a. You don't have to bring your own tote to buy groceries.
b. You don't eat bangers for dinner.
c. You don't get vinegar with your chips.
d. You wake up to smog instead of fog.
e. You don't wash in a Bendix, spin in a centrifugal dryer and hang the clothes on the line.
f. You don't keep milk and butter on your outside window sill.
g. When your American friends don't have wires from converters running all over the house.
h. When you ask to be knocked up and every guy in town volunteers.
i. When you refer to your spouse as your grief and strife and she threatens you with divorce.
j. When you're looking for the apples and pears and someone directs you to the produce department. (Ronnie Smith, an American who enjoys British humor)
200. ... The locals think a Yorkshire accent sounds "just like Prince Charles!" ( Lyn in New Zealand formerly Stafford)
199. ... Diana Rigg introduces all the Inspector Morse and "WhoDunnit" series on the telly. Aaaah!! (Honor Morris from Ilford, Essex now Vancouver.)
198. ... When you tell your friend on the motorway "You are still indicating" and they haven't got a CLUE what you mean ( Annie McCormick from Scottish Borders)
197. ... The mailman(postman)doesn't have the list to walk up to your letterbox and put your post in ( Annie McCormick from Scottish Borders)
196. ... The teacher pulls down the map and half the world isn't pink anymore ! ( Merv Scoble in Canada via Torquay United)
195. ... People look at you like you're crazy when you excuse yourself to go to the loo (Jenny Hampson from Lancaster)
194. ... you can't ask to be knocked up in the morning ( Eunice from London)
193. ... When EVERYTHING is spelled wrong! (Andy from Herts ,now Arrowhead, CA)
192. ... When you are no-one until you ve filed for bankruptcy! (Andy from Herts ,now Arrowhead, CA)
191. ... When people merge onto the motorway at 20 mph, get in the fast lane THEN accelerate! (Andy from Herts ,now Arrowhead, CA)
190. ... When there is 200 telly channels and nothing to watch! (Andy from Herts ,now Arrowhead, CA)
189. ... when you have to tip at resteraunts (Andy from Herts ,now Arrowhead, CA)
188. ... when nobody ever buys a round except you! (Andy from Herts ,now Arrowhead, CA)
187. ... When you go to Mcdonalds and there is never any Big Macs ready (Andy from Herts ,now Arrowhead, CA)
186. ... When 42 year olds still live with mum and dad! (Andy from Herts ,now Arrowhead, CA)
185. ... When minors are no longer moggies (Andy from Herts ,now Arrowhead, CA)
184. ... When all the OAP'S have baseball caps on all the time. (Andy from Herts ,now Arrowhead, CA)
183. ... When "men" play rounders on Telly??? (Andy from Herts ,now Arrowhead, CA)
182. ... You can never find the lightswitch , EVER!!! (Andy from Herts ,now Arrowhead, CA)
181. ... You dont have to pack sandwiches for a day out or to take on the plane with you (Anne M from Burnley now Southport NC)
180. ... you can't see fat-les anymore. ( juno theaker from Essex!)
179. ... you have to get up at 9am on a saturday to watch a game of footy at the pub (julian from fleet, hants. now atlanta)
178. ... The Martini you get has to be made.... (Joyce Barker from Manchester, now Canada..)
177. ... the chocolate tastes like candle wax.. ( Emma Stone from Walsall, West Midlands now in Montgomery Alabama.)
176. ... People think you are crazy because you drink hot tea, with milk!!. ( Emma Stone from Walsall, West Midlands now in Montgomery Alabama.)
175. ... When pants are something you wear on top of your underwear.. ( Emma Stone from Walsall, West Midlands now in Montgomery Alabama.)
174. ...You like to sit in the rain.. ( Emma Stone from Walsall, West Midlands now in Montgomery Alabama.)
173. ...Your beer comes in a frozen glass.. ( Emma Stone from Walsall, West Midlands now in Montgomery Alabama.)
172. ... You put crackers in your soup.. ( Emma Stone from Walsall, West Midlands now in Montgomery Alabama.)
171. ... The bread tastes sweet.. ( Emma Stone from Walsall, West Midlands now in Montgomery Alabama.)
170. ... No one knows what a burger bap is.. ( Emma Stone from Walsall, West Midlands now in Montgomery Alabama.)
168. ...There is no milkman.. ( Emma Stone from Walsall, West Midlands now in Montgomery Alabama.)
167. ...You have to drive everywhere.. ( Emma Stone from Walsall, West Midlands now in Montgomery Alabama.)
166. ... You walk to the car and you are drenched in sweat. ( Emma Stone from Walsall, West Midlands now in Montgomery Alabama.)
165. ... Work closes because they got half an inch of snow last night. ( Emma Stone from Walsall, West Midlands now in Montgomery Alabama.)
164. ... You can't find the clutch. (Johnny P, Clear Lake, Houston, Ex Manchester)
163. ... Beers are small and cold,....and tasteless. (Johnny P, Clear Lake, Houston, Ex Manchester)
162. ... You laugh at the price of gasoline and people think your crazy. (Johnny P, Clear Lake, Houston, Ex Manchester)
161. ... Filling up an the biggest car you've ever owned costs less than a few beers. (Johnny P, Clear Lake, Houston, Ex Manchester)
160. ... People dont care if you cut them up on the freeway.... and smile as you do it. (Johnny P, Clear Lake, Houston, Ex Manchester)
159. ...Not having to race from the lights (Johnny P, Clear Lake, Houston, Ex Manchester)
158. ...Not using the access road to the motorway as a "launch pad" (Johnny P, Clear Lake, Houston, Ex Manchester)
157. ...No traffic Jams in the morning on the way to work. (Johnny P, Clear Lake, Houston, Ex Manchester)
156. ...Thunder storms are "quite refreshing" (Johnny P, Clear Lake, Houston, Ex Manchester)
155. ...There are more buttons on your telephone than on the starship enterprise (Johnny P, Clear Lake, Houston, Ex Manchester)
154. ... It's "coool" to wear a baseball hat & sunglasses. (Johnny P, Clear Lake, Houston, Ex Manchester)
153. ... Cars overtake you from all sides. (Johnny P, Clear Lake, Houston, Ex Manchester)
152. ... People wonder why your drunk at 11 in the evening. (Johnny P, Clear Lake, Houston, Ex Manchester)
151. ... you correctly anticipate all the options the waitress is going to offer you for your eggs, bacon & toast, and actually have answers ready. ( rob queen from burnaby, bc)
150. ... Your alligators are not in the cupboard with your shoes, but are sunning themselves on the lawn in your garden !!! (noelien from Southbourne, now Florida)
149. ... There´s no arguments about who gets the "parsons nose" (Bill from Sweden)
148. ... You can't understand what there saying in an English Movie. (Ann Dalton from Arizona/Formerly Hayes London)
147. ... .when your British relatives keep taking the free sugar and ketchups in fast food restaurants.. (Rosemary Rehill from Ludlow, Salop. Now Philadelphia)
146. ... When you say your from up north, they say do you miss london !!!!! (Craig from Philly [newcastle, tyne&wear])
145. ... You actually have to show your passport to customs officials. (Anon from Yorkshire [God's own county])
144. ... you're not in britain anymore when you leave it !!! (Catisfaction from Haywards Heath, Sussex ,now CA)
143. ... You realise that the heavens don't open anymore, just the ground !!! (Helen Gilbert from Southend [now california])
142. ... no one understands your sense of humour, infact they take it way too serious and think your quite an insensitive person. (Mark Hinton from Calgary, formally Rugby.)
141. ... You refer to football as soccer and when someone offers you a schooner you don't think of a big ship!! (Julie from Australia/Blackpool)
140. ... You laughingly call your friend a silly cow, and she just dosen't get it! You ask, "are you taking the micky out of me" and no one understands! (Sheila Kelly from North London/Maryland, USA)
139. ... ...you start to avidly read the rest of these comments (Anon)
138. ... You ask specifically for MILK NOT CREAM in your tea,not once, not twice, but three times, yet CREAM still appears alongside your luke-warm miniscule pot of hot water with a tea bag hanging disdainfully inside it..... (John Bradley from Glastonbury, CT)
137. ... You see 18-year-olds become "graduates" when they finish high school, complete with ceremony, diplomas and brightly-coloured nylon mortar boards and gowns. But ironically, the fact that you went to university and have a degree no longer denotes any kind of achievement whatsoever. (Elizabeth from Birmingham)
136. ...You're excited to meet people who claim to be English also. Then you find out that they were born and raised in the USA, and their great-great-great-great-grandmother was a whole "16th English." (Elizabeth from Birmingham [and not ashamed])
135. ... you ask the waiter to take some ice out of your glass so they can fit the drink in it... (Jonathan from SC via Portsmouth)
134. ... Newcastle Brown Ale is sold as a beer for connoisseurs. (Jonathan from SC [ex Portsmouth, UK])
133. ... you have a Tesco but it doen't sell Hovis Bread (Martin Walton from Chesterfield)
132. ... you see Christmas decorations still up in February. (Julie Duran from Hertfordshire)
131. ... people are talking about 'fanny-packs' and nobody blinks an eyelid.... ( Kristine from Southampton)
130. ... you suggest to go out for a beer at 11:30 pm and everyone thinks it´s perfectly normal to do so. (Florian from Munich [ex London])
129. ... a) you tell the wife her phone was engaged and she says we're not even going steady. b) Also - when you say I'm from Cheddar, and you get a funny look, followed by 'I never knew there was such a place - is it near London? (Duncan from Cheddar, Somerset)
128. ... When asked to bring a plate doesn't mean the host is short of crockery but means bring a contribrution of food !! (Denise Morris from Darlington now australia)
127. ... people think a northern accent sounds posh!! (Marie Butler from CA - via Stoke-on-Trent)
126. ... people think that chocolate digestives have something to do with constipation (hannah from london, now maine)
125. ... When you start to sound like Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins (Daniel Bell from Savannah GA)
124. ... a) You tell everyone your from Swindon and nobody laughs. b) A red light means go, a light that's been red for five seconds means sound your horn and proceed with caution while increasing your speed. c) You see someone slip on the ice and no one but you finds it funny. (Richard Luscombe from New York [ via Swindon])
123. ... The mixed drink served to you in a bar is filled to the rim, and has ice in it, and you can actually taste the booze in it. (Bob Schappert from New York)
122. ... you can find a drinking fountain! (Vicky Welfare from Seattle, Wa)
121. ... you can actually identify the items on a salad bar. (Vicky Welfare from Seattle, Wa)
120. ... You eat Grits for breakfast. (^Harrier from Sussex, UK soon OR)
119. ... People ask you (in all seriousness) if you celebrate a) Christmas, b) Thanksgiving, c) July 4th (Simon Aspinall from York, England [Altoona, PA])
118. ... When you ask for pickle with your cheese and get these big green things (Richard from Whitman MA)
117. ... You're stopped by the sheriff for speeding and they ask for license and registration but forget the PLEASE! (Elizabeth Batt, originally Leicester, now CA.)
116. ... When nobody here has a sense of humour!!! (Sue Bødtker from Basingstoke, Hampshire)
115. ... you can order coffee with half-and-half cream. (Caitlin Humphrys in Calgary AB, Canada)
114. ... You have to climb in to the fridge to empty it (Alan Day from Mitcham Surrey - Indiana)
113. ... You pay a subscription to go to church (Alan Day from Mitcham, Surrey)
111. ... asking a policeman the way to the solicitors is no longer a good idea. (Alan Day from Mitcham, Surrey)
110. ... you see a house going down the road on the back of a truck, and it makes you late for work (Rick Shaw from Blackpool . now Brisbane)
109. ... You cant "give someone a ring" anymore you have to give them a "call" (mandy in california)
108. ... 'Thickly Settled - 30 mph' road signs appear (Waltham MA)('thick' = stupid in English English) (Martin Eatough from Bristol)
107. ... 8 cylinders are required to move 1 person Your H1-B stops you from changing companies (Martin Eatough from Bristol)
106. ... When your from the West Country and have to travel almost 200 miles for a decent Pasty.... (Janice Dymond-Lillis from Plymouth now Chicago Ill)
105. ... You get dry just walking from the shower (Lee Lister From Far East, off to NZ)
104. ... the maid doesn't pick up things off the floor anymore. (Lee Lister From Far East, off to NZ)
103. ... A house without a basement is unusual. (Anon from London now Baltimore)
102. ... you don't remember the last time you wore your coat (bev christie in Arizona(via Bristol))
101. ... You think a dinner dance really means dinner not an Eskie full of beer and a Smorgesboard. (Fran in Melbourne)
100. ... You're on the toilet in a bar/restaurant and everyone outside can see you from the two feet gaps all around the door. (Claire in Sterling, VA (Leeds, Yorks))
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