An Archive of Past Quotes From the Marquee"They say I'm plump, but I throw up all the time."--Courtney Love, from "Plump"...referred to me by Sarah
"I forgot, you're boring, and my legs work"--David Spade, from Just Shoot Me...thanks Liz
"The women studied the men's faces secretly, for the corn could go, as long as something else remained. The children stood near by, drawing figures in the dust with bare toes, and the children sent exploring senses out to see whether the men and women would break. The children peeked at the faces of the men and women, and then drew careful lines in the dust with their toes. Horses came to the watering troughs and nuzzled the water to clear the surface dust. After a while the faces of the watching men lost their bemused perplexity and became hard and angry and resistant. Then the women knew that they were safe and that there was no break."--John Steinbeck, The Grapes of Wrath
"The road to true love is never smooth"--William Shakespeare, A Midsummer's Night Dream (yeah, get off my back, so it's freaking Shakespeare, I know he was just a hack writer, stealing plots and churning out plays every other week)
[Quote Omitted, eh]
"That's the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty, even if they're not too much to look at, or even if they're sort of stupid, you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are. Girls. Jesus Christ. They can drive you crazy. They really can."--J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye
"The old believe everything; the middle aged suspect everything; the young know everything."--Unknown, thanks Lindsey
"Sex/Don't have sex/With a T-rex/'cause a T-rex/cannot be satisfied/by a mere human"--Eric Fritzche
"Is sex dirty? Only if you do it right."--Woody Allen
(prepare for a classic quote)"It's a hundred and six miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, its dark and we're wearing sunglasses. Hit it!"--Blues Brothers
"Every exit is in entrance to somewhere."--Tom Stoppard
"You rush the miracle man, you get rotten miracles"--Billy Crystal, from The Princess Bride, thanks Liz
"Love is blind, but friendship closes its eyes."--Unknown
"Because you can't, you won't, and you don't stop."--Beastie Boys
"C-3PO wasn't gay, he was British!" from Will and Grace, thanks Liz
"And he who is most skilful in preventing or escaping from a disease is best able to create one?"--Socrates, from Plato's Republic
"All the cards are on the table/ no ace left in the hole/ Lord I'm much too young to feel this damn old."--Garth Brooks
"People don't usually equate hot love with cold cereal"--Frosted Flakes commercial
"A true friend is one who knows all about you and likes you anyway."--Christi Mary Warner (from eAgents.com)
"Remember that the direction your life is taking is more important than the speed"--Unknown, thanks Lindsey
"I picked up my bags, I went looking for a place to hide/
Then I saw old Carmen and the Devil, walking side by side/
I said, 'Hey, Carmen, c'mon, let's go downtown'/
She said, 'I gotta go, but my friend can stick around'"--The Band
"I'd rather laugh with the sinners/
Than cry with the saints/
The sinners are much more fun"--Billy Joel, thanks Liz
"Blushing is the color of virtue."
--Diogenes
"The man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn his back on the crowd."--James Cook
"Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."--Margaret Mitchel, from Gone With the Wind
"Not Just Another Pretty Card"--Visa Banner, as seen on Geocities
"Jonny said 'Devil just come on back if you ever wanna try again. I done told you once, you son of bitch, I'm the best that's ever been.'"--Charlie Daniels Band
"Cornbread...ain't nothin' wrong wit dat"--Chris Rock
"We don't know where the digital revolution is taking us, only that when we get there we will not have enough RAM."--Dave Barry
"We ain't too pretty/ We ain't too proud/ We might be laughing a bit too loud/ But that never hurt no one"--Billy Joel, from Only the Good Die Young
"Life is good and life is fun, but it isn't that way for everyone."--Long Beach Dub All-Stars, from Rosarito
"You just need to chill out, calm the hell down, and listen to Cool 101.9"--Jenny Prince
"When I was in seminary school there was a person who brought forth the proposition that you can petition the lord with prayer...petition the lord with prayer...petition the lord with prayer...You Cannot petition the lord with prayer."--Jim Morrison
"I am a recurring slut."--Me
"When it comes to money, we're all of the same religion."--Voltaire
"We're just two lost souls swimming in a fishbowl/ year after year/ running over the same old ground/ what have we found/ the same old fear/ I wish you were here"--Pink Floyd, from Wish You Were Here
"Grandpa's sitting on the rocker, watching video porn with the captioning on."--The eels
"Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they can't lose."--Bill Gates
"If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you."--Proverbs 25:21-22
"I'm proud to be an American."--Lee Greenwood
"Freedom's just another word for 'nothing left to lose.'"--Janis Joplin, from Me and Bobby McGee
"You don't have to be cruel to be kind; don't have to be a fool to be blind."--Spacehog
"If you want to break up with a girl...move in with her."--Jeff Reisburg
"Why did the chicken cross the road?...Because you're drunk."--found scribbled in my notebook after a night of, umm, indulgence
"Adventure is hardship aesthetically considered."--Barry Targan
"What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say."
--Ralph Waldo Emmerson
"I tried being atheist, but it took too much faith."--Matt Hanrahan
"I saw her today at the reception/
In her glass was a bleeding man/
She was practiced at the art of deception/
Well I could tell by her blood-stained hands"-- The Rolling Stones
"I know this town like the back of my head."--Joe Stanfield
"Here, would you like a Dr. Roofies, I mean, Dr. Pepper?"--unknown
"Life is peachy, like peach pie, and you have to eat whatever pie's in season."--Mary Lynn Schroeder
"Where is everybody?"--Enrico Fermi, in regards to extraterrestrial life
"I've got a minor in spanking."--John Rinaldi
"Nothing we learn in this world is ever wasted."--Eleanor Roosevelt
"Your great-great-grandmother, Abigail Woodsworth, once married a man known to the townspeople only as Grog."--Gary Larson, from The Far Side
"Mr. Treehorn treats objects like women."--The Dude, from The Big Lebowski
"I can't be a democrat because I like to spend the money I earn, but I can't be a republican because I like to spend it on drugs and whores." --Jim David
"Well Sinead 'o' Rebellion shock me, shock me, shock me with that deviant behavior!"--Robin Tunny, in Empire Records
"You a grand-slammer but you're no Babe Ruth, you got to learn how to relate."--Steven Tyler, intro on Get a Grip
"Oh but you've got a heart so big it could crush this town, but I can't hold out
forver even walls fall down"--Tom Petty, from Walls, thanks Mil
"Some come to party, some come to die"--tagline on some R.L. Stine book not worth mentioning
"She says she's tired of life/
she must be tired of something/
Round here she's always on my mind/
Round here hey man got lots of time/
Round here we're never sent to bed early/
And nobody makes us wait/
Round here we stay up very, very, very, very late."--Counting Crows, from Round Here
"There's a force in the universe that makes things happen, and all you have to do is get in touch with it. Stop thinking, let things happen, and be the ball."--Chevy Chase, from Caddyshack, thanks Liz
"When did supermodels start talking?"--Dennis Miller
"You should never let the sun set on tomorrow, before the sun rises today."--Nine Days, from I Am
"I've come to the conclusion my guts have shit for brains."--Nick Hornby, from High Fidelity
"Kentucky Fried Panda...it's finger Ling Ling good."--Homer Simpson
"As it is, the lover of inquiry must follow his beloved wherever it may lead him."--Socrates, from Plato's Euthyphro
"If it wasn't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college."--Lewis Black
"I think if you live in a city like this where the wind chill can get to be 50 to 70 below zero, and you walk out without the proper coat, and you don't say the word 'fuck' out loud, then you have anger issues."--Lewis Black, again
"...There has never been a time when I didn't want to know your name/ Free falling from a work in progress/ Free falling from a life on hold..."--Art Alexakis, of Everclear
"I can smile in the face, of mankind, don't even remember what her lips felt like on mine...most of the time."--Bob Dylan, from Most of the Time
"Happiness comes in small doses, folks...it's a cigarette, or a chocolate chip cookie, or a five second orgasm, that's it OK, you cum, you eat the coookie, you smoke the butt, you go to sleep, you get up in the morning, and go to fucking work OK? That is it, END OF FUCKING LIST."--Dennis Leary
"...I missed the bus and there'll be hell to pay, I'm late for work again, but even if I'm there, they'll imply that I might not pass the day, and then you call me, and it's not so bad, it's not so bad."--Dido, from Thank You
"Wherever you think they should be--that's just where they should be."--Bob Ross
"You know, there's a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you."--Kevin Smith in Clerks
"For you Brad...I've got 5."--Kevin Spacey, in American Beauty
"I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it."--from Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handy
"You are intelligent; I am stupid. You are attractive; I am not so good looking."--Adam Sandler, in Happy Gilmore
"Down here, it's our time."--Sean Astin, in The Goonies
"Don't damn me, when I speak my piece of mind, 'cause silence isn't golden when I'm holding it inside."--Axl Rose, in Don't Damn Me
"The people of American have been overcharged, and on their behalf, I'm here to ask for a refund."--President George W. Bush
"It's like my grandma always said, why buy the cow when you can get the sex for free?"--Jason Lee, in Mallrats
"Why do you always kick me when I'm high, knock me down 'till we see eye to eye?"--SR-71, Right Now
"We have a strange love affair." "How's that?" "You're not in love with me."--Ingrid Bergman and Cary Grant in Alfred Hitchcock's Notorious
"Who the hell is Tom?"--my R.A.
"I know it's late/ I know you're weary/ I know your plans, don't include me/ Still here we are/ both of us lonely/ longing for shelter from all that we see."--Bob Seger, from We've Got Tonight
"All I want is a warm bed, a kind word, and unlimited power."--unknown
"You know what's funny...that you have to walk up a stairway to Heaven, but you can haul ass down a highway to Hell."--Todd Merchant
"Well it's alright, as long as you got someone to lay with, everday is just one day...Maybe somewhere down the road a way, you'll think of me and wonder where I am these days, maybe someday down the road, when someone plays 'Purple Haze.'"--Traveling Wilburys, from End of the Road
"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it by not dying!"--Woody Allen
"Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company."--Mark Twain
"The same wind snuffs candles yet kindles fires; so,
where absence kills a little love, it fans a great one."--Francois de La Rochefoucauld
"There are only two funny British guys...and they're both John Clease."--TA
"A man who has no enemies, stands for nothing."--MLK Jr.
"If any thing ail a man, so that he does not preform his functions, if he have a pain in his bowels even,--for that is the seat of sympathy,--he forthwith sets about reforming--the world." Henry David Thoreau, Walden; or, Life in the Woods
"While you're taking your time with apologies, I'm planning out my revenge, red eyes on orange horizons...I'm seeing red."--Alkaline Trio, from Radio
"Dude, what does a mime look like when it's havin' sex anyway?"--Jack Black, from Saving Silverman
"Never made it as a wise man, couldn't make it as a poor man stealing...this is how you remind me of what I really am."--Nickelback, How You Remind Me
"If you had it to do all over again, knowing what would happen, would you make the same choice?" "What choice?"--Matt Damon and Martin Landau, in Rounders
"Always behave like a duck - keep calm and unruffled on the surface but paddle like the devil underneath."-- Jacob Braude
"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity."--Martin Luther King Jr., Strength of Love
"Everybody here knows the story, some with fabricated extra parts."--Ben Folds Five, Tom and Mary
"The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist."--Kevin Spacey, from The Usual Subjects, thanks Liz
"...Jackie's in his coat, and Janie's in her vest, and me, I'm in a rock 'n roll band."--Velvet Underground, from Sweet Jane
"Before you get up for that final snack, I want you to know, I'll be right back."--ALF
"The world has turned and left me here/ just where I was before you appeared/ and in your place, an empty space/ has filled the void behind my face." --Weezer, from The World has Turned and Left
"I don't wanna be a old man anymore/ It's been a year or two since I was out on the floor/ Shakin' booty, makin' sweet love all the night/ It's time I got back to the Good Life...
Screw this crap, I've had it! I ain't no Mr. Cool/ I'm a pig, I'm a dog, so 'scuse me if I drool/ I ain't gonna hurt nobody, ain't gonna cause a scene/
I just need to admit I want sugar in my tea/
Hear me? I want sugar in my tea!"--Weezer, from The Good Life
"This is a song about, talking to the person you haven't met yet. Maybe they're rolling around in the hay with someone else, but they're not as good as you and me. You just have to wait your turn. She's out there; he's out there. They're just learning what to contrast you against." --John Mayer, an introduction to Love Song for No One
"Listen, not a year goes by, not a year, that I don't hear about some escalator accident involving some bastard kid which could have easily been avoided had some parent--I don't care which one--but some parent conditioned him to fear and respect that escalator!" --Jason Lee, in Mallrats
"I'm the bastard son of Claire Huxtable!" --Jim Carrey, in The Cable Guy
"You've got to go through Hell before you get to Heaven."--Steve Miller Band, Jet Airliner
"I've spent my whole life writing songs about the healing power of love, but up until right now, they've only been words. This may be my chance to prove those words really mean something. Now you say that if Darrin marries Judith, he's going to be miserable? I believe in happy endings, and if Neil Diamond has anything to do with it, this love story's going to have one."--Neil Diamond, in Saving Silverman
"She calls you callow in here." "You say that like it's bad." "Well, it means frightened and weak-willed." "Shit, that was the only part of the letter I thought was complimentary." --Jeremy London and Jason Lee in Mallrats
"I don't know words, but I will hear them. I still hear them."--Alkaline Trio, Crawl
"I gambled on the third time, fool'll tell you it's a charm...I bet it all on a good run of bad luck."--Clint Black, A Good Run of Bad Luck
"So I jump ship in Hong Kong and I make my way over to Tibet and I get on as a looper on a course over there in the Himalayas. [...] So, I tell 'em I'm a pro jock and who do you think they give me? The Dali Llama himself. Twelfth son of the Llama. Flowing robes, grace, bald... striking. So I'm on the first tee with him, I give him the driver. And he hauls off and whacks one. Big hitter the Llama... long. Into a 10,000 foot crevace right at the base of this glacier. And the Llama says, "Gunga, Galunga... Gunga, Gaungalagunga." So we finish eighteen and he's gonna stiff me. So I say, "Hey Llama, hey! How about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know?" And he says, "Oh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your death bed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that going for me, which is nice."--Bill Murray, in Caddyshack...much appreciation for a friend of this site, and a friend of mine, Liz
"Nothing endures but change."--Heraclitus
"I'm not alone 'cause the TV's on; I'm not crazy 'cause I take the right pills, everyday."--Jimmy Eat World, Bleed American
"If I get drunk, well
I'll pass out on the floor now baby/
You won't bother me no more./
And she said,/
it's OK boy 'cause you know/
we'll be good friends/
And I say, I think/
I'll have myself a beer/"
--Reel Big Fish, from "Beer"
"Oh please, that boy is so far in the closet he has practically hit Narnia."--Liz Steward
"I shouted out, 'who killed the Kennedys,' when after all, it was you and me."--Rolling Stones, from Sympathy for the Devil
"Yeah, well, I guess he had it comin'." "We all got it comin', kid."--Jaimz Woolvett and Clint Eastwood, in Unforgiven
"...feeling near immortal every friday night, lost in our convictions, lips stained with wine."--Willie Nelson, The Mendocino County Line
"He who would cure his ignorance must confess it." --Michel De Montaigne, in Le Essais
"Kenny G. is the fucking master of the "frenchness." ...If only I could smoke like that."--Scott Leonard
"All right! I’ll go through with the deal. I’ll let the German scientist hack my foot off. Then him and his friends can have their way with me. All for the flying car."--Brian O'Hallaran, in The Flying Car
"Tomorrow is promised to no one."--Clint Eastwood, in Absolute Power
"You never wept/ Fighting the battle of who could care less/ Honor not happiness/ You're my hero, I confess."--Ben Folds Five, Battle of Who Could Care Less
"The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense."--Proverbs 27:9
"Our generation has had no Great Depression, no Great War. Our war is a spiritual war. Our depression is our lives."--Brad Pitt, in Fight Club
"If it's not Scottish, IT'S CRAP!"--Mike Meyers, SNL
"Leave the gun...take the cannolis."--Richard S. Costellano, in The Godfather.
"I didn't know my body could make those juices!"--Anonymous
"We cook the pig in the ground, got some beer on ice, and all my rowdy friends are coming over tonight."--Hank Williams Jr., from All My Rowdy Friends
"We haven't had that spirit here since 1969."-- Eagles, from Hotel California
"We're all here, 'cause we're not all there tonight."--Steven Tyler and Joe Perry of Aerosmith, from The Fever
"This is what I want to be/ and this is what I give to you because I get it free."--Red Hot Chilli Peppers, I Could Die for You
"I'm not afraid to die; I just don't want to be there when it happens."--Woody Allen
"I'm not normally a religious man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman!"--Homer Simpson, in The Simpsons
"Do you believe Elvis is alive? [No.] Then why would you get married in a church?"--Scott Leonard
"It's always the quiet ones."--Anonymous
"You talk about vengeance. Is vengeance going to bring your son back to you? Or my boy to me?"--Marlon Brando, in The Godfather
"I would say it is against my religion to impose my religion. If God created us free, who am I to superceede him?"--John Ashcroft
"Any coward can fight a battle when he's sure of winning, but give me the man who has pluck to fight when he's sure of losing. That's my way, sir; and there are many victories worse than a defeat. --George Eliot"
"I've never seen so many dead hookers in my life!" "God knows I have."-- Norm MacDonald and an extra, in Dirty Work
"Gonna make my move, gonna make it stay, gonna make it last, nevermind the past, living for today."--Weezer, from Glorious Day
"Am I evil? Yes I am. Am I evil? I am man."--Diamon Head, from Am I Evil
"She's a normal girl...she wears Abercrombie and does homework and stuff."--Joe Acton, about his girlfriend
"I'll be sure to stay wary of you, love, to save the pain of
once my flame and twice my burn "--Fiona Apple, from Shadowboxer...thanks Cindy
"Got a wife in Chino, babe, and one in Cherokee. First one says she's got my child but it don't look like me."--Grateful Dead, from Friend of the Devil
"In the interspecies Battle of the Bands, humans ROCK THE HARDEST!"--Dennis Miller
"Life is pain...Anyone who says differently is selling something."--Cary Elwes, in The Princess Bride
"Did you ever wake up to find, A day that broke up your mind,
Destroying your notion of circular time?"--Rolling Stones, from Sway
"I understand what makes a woman think that any man is better than nothing. I'll just never understand what makes a woman think she's got nothing."--Joshua Malina, on Sports Night
"No girl was ever seduced by a book."--Jimmy Walker, Mayor of New York
"Humor is an affirmation of dignity, a declaration of man's superiority to all that befalls him."--Romain Gary
"Damn woman, I; I just gave you sweety lovin' five minutes ago."--Issac Hayes (chef, from Southpark, fromSouthpark
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