My Son

LOVE MULTIPLY IT BY INFINITY TAKE IT TO THE DEPTH OF FOREVER AND YOU WILL STILL HAVE BARELY A  GLIMPSE OF HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU

I AM DOING FINE I said I am fine, doing good. Then I turned my head and cried. I smiled and told my eyes to sparkle. Then I turned my head and cried. I told a joke and laughed heartily. Then I turned my head and cried. I offered comfort and encouragement. Then I turned my head and cried. I do what has to be done. Then I turn my head and cry. I turned my head and cried. And felt my broken heart.

The last time I saw Tony alive was about 4pm on the day that he died. We were pulling into Smyrna Auto where my Mom was having some work done on her car and as we were getting out of the car my phone rang, it was Tony... he was telling me how his day went, you know small talk, in the middle of the conversation Tony said - turn around Mom, and there he was hanging out of his work truck window waving with a grin while going down  U.S. 1   We then talked again around 7pm...At 2am the FHP were knocking on my door to tell me that my son was killed in a car accident...everything went blurry and all I could say was "Oh My God" I kept saying it over and over again...I couldn't understand why I was still alive, I was sure my heart stopped beating...even now sometime I put my hand over my heart just to feel the beat, It's been 10 months and at times I still feel I have no life in me. Tony was my baby, my son, part of my heart and in an instant he was taken away from me. It doesn't matter how good he was or how bad he was I will always be proud of him because he was MY SON...

TO MY MOM Please know that I'm always embracing you, closer to you in spirit now than ever before. I know that this part of our lives seems difficult, but I know that you will come to understand that I had to make a rather difficult choice. There I was, enjoying the shallow part of time, my youth --carefree and full of laughter. Then, as I began to drift into the deep, my soul was confronted with a decision. Can you imagine how scared I was. I panicked for a minute, even struggled for just a while. But, that which had created me through your love, said that it was time. But how could it be. I said that I had so much left to do. Then, a voice whispered to me that my work was already done, I mentioned that I didn't want to leave you alone. Again, a reply came suggesting that I would be closer to you than ever before. I could hear my heart beat just as if I was still in your womb. For the first time I closed my eyes to discover light. Mom, try to understand what I wish to share with you. No longer do you have to worry about where I am, for today and tomorrow I am everywhere that my dreams could once only take me. I can now see all that you hoped for, and I want you to know that I love you for showing me heaven on earth. Please promise me that you will get through this and be strong, Just like all the things that you and I have made it through, I will be by your side this time as well, and forever more. I'm serious. There's so much more that we have to do, And there are some things for which that I still need your help. I don't want people to remember me, I want them to feel my presence and that special love that we share. I want your smile to reflect the warmth of my heart, and please allow your steps to lead you to the dreams that you shared with me. Please,fight through the pain to find the peace, and know that there is where I will forever be. Don't be afraid to call my name, I am here. The spirit, like a butterfly, must struggle to free itself from one dimension into the next. From this challenge comes the strength that provides for the beauty that we all enjoy. Remember the friends and family that we love so much, please keep them in your thoughts, and share them with me in your conversations and dreams. At this time it may be appropriate to say that I would be missing you, but it brings me great joy to tell you that I am always here.

To My Son The chains of life are broken You suddenly had to part A wound was left that never healed Deep within my heart I know you didn't want to leave But you are closer than before I feel your presence all around me And I miss you even more You are everywhere you dreamed of You can see now all that I hoped for you In this life you did your best And now my love will see you through Together we will find our way out Of the sadness and the pain And when I'm feeling helpless I won't be afraid to call your name My smile reflects the warmth of your love With every breath I treasure you still And in my heart you'll hold a special place That no one else can fill ~ Lori McMillan (Mom)

My Son and I We are connected, my son and I By an invisible cord not seen by the eye It's not like the cord that connects us 'til birth This cord can't be seen by any on earth This cord does its work right from the start It binds us together attached to my heart I know that it's there though no one can see The invisible cord from my son to me The strength of this cord is hard to describe It can't be destroyed, it can't be denied It's stronger than any cord Man could create It withstands the test, it can hold any weight Though you are gone, the cord is still there, And no one can see the bond that we share It pulls at my heart ...I am bruised, I am sore But this cord is my lifeline as never before I am thankful that God connects us this way A mother and son, death can't take away

My Mom Is A Survivor  My Mom is a survivor, or so I've heard it said.  But I hear her crying at night when all others are in bed.  I watch her lay awake at night and go to hold her hand.  She doesn't know I'm with her to help her understand.  But like the sands on the beach that never wash away...  I watch over my surviving mom, who thinks of me each day.  She wears a smile for others...a smile of disguise.  But through Heaven's door I see tears flowing from her eyes.  My mom tries to cope with death to keep my memory alive.  But anyone who knows her knows it is her way to survive.  As I watch over my surviving mom...through Heaven's open door.  I try to tell her that angels protect me forever more.  But I know that doesn't help her or ease the burden she bears. So if you get a chance, go visit her...And show her that you care. For no matter what she says...no matter what she feels. My surviving mom has a broken heart that time won't ever heal!  ~ by Kaye Des'Ormeaux

Remembrance In the light of day I awake with thoughts of you. In the dark of night I sleep with thoughts of you. Is it grief or disbelief? ~Evan Fillmore