tune of I have an ape drape by the vandals
ch
I hate dimensioning it sucks arse
I hate dimensioning it sucks arse
McGrath can shove it up his big fat arse
cos I hate dimensioning it sucks arse
little writing between stupid lines
to me its just a fucking waste of time
never do it and I lose all my marks
always make my arrowheads too fat
my lines aren?t straight the rest is all just crap
never do it
never do it
but then I lose all of my bloody marks
ch
tech drawing is always hard enough
without worrying about the little stuff
dimensioning just makes it ten times harder
thank god next year I get to throw it in
my drawing board will end up in the bin
no more drawing
no more shit
never do dimensioning again
ch
*Tobes and Blyto
tune of Mr Charisma by frenzal rhomb
when we see his shiny head
we all wish that he were dead
we can see him a mile away
maths is always much more fun
using the ferrari version
but you won?t do this til year 12
he?s amazed by formulae
copies notes out of the book
raves on like a headless chook
we all cheer when he is away
life is ruled by doing maths
we think he?s a psychopath
and wish we had another teacher
he makes puns while teaching sums to us
ch
he?s griffo, griffo the maths man
he?s griffo, griffo the maths man
when he was away and sick
we played poker and card tricks
then we had to stand on the wall
doesn?t run to get the phone
wonders why he?s all alone
but he wishes they would call back
he?s hell bent on measurement
ch
well I was late to his lesson for the second time
he said a tuesday afternoon would get me back in line
I said I helped an old lady get across the road
but he said thats not doing maths
he referred me then he sent me home yeah
he?s a star with algebra
ch x 2
*Tobes and Oddy
tune of dammit by blink 182
there?s nothing to do here
I?m too young to drink beer
my friends are all back home
leaving me all alone
I?m sick of my cd?s
there?s nothing on TV
but re-runs of old shows
like M*A*S*H* and hogans heroes
there?s no shops to visit
the girls are all fat chicks
theres no waves to go catch
the surf is fucken flat
the water is too cold
the locals are all old
so I stay and I sit
watching the Olympic games
when there?s nothing on TV
no friends to visit me
theres no waves in the sea
and I?m sick of my CD?s
so bored that I could die
no means to get a high
?contemplate suicide
I?m so glad I?m at the bay
I guess things are OK
I?m still on holiday
the aussies will kick arse
and things will improve fast
I?ll sit back and relax
or go boot next door?s cat
it?s sunny on the coast
and I?ll make the most of it
there?ll be new shows on TV
and friends will visit me
theres more waves in the sea
and I?ll stick with my CD?s
not bored don?t want to die
find ways to get a high
no need for suicide
I?m so glad I?m at the bay
*Tobes
tune of 4 litres by frenzal rhomb
they wear short shorts
and they wear high socks
they all look fucken stupid
here comes another jock
we need to rid the world of these meatheads
they act so tough
but its all a front
they pick on small kids and they say
?Yeah I smashed the runt?
they judge you on the size of your biceps
ch
Anti-jock x 4
they waste their time
kicking a football
go to the beach and think they?re hard
but they?re all softcore
they write volcom in texta on their pants
ch
*Tobes
to the tune of kool by 28days
you put us down just because we're talentless hacks
without a clue
but remember we have heaps more fans than silverchairdo
we write our songs and we make sure we dont
disappoint our fans
and we convinced Mrs Thomas that we were a real band
we were interviewed by a year 8
I got out of religion that was great
what makes you think that we're not real
from the canteen did lanky steal
tobes is short he might as well kneel
what makes you think that we're not real
while interviewed blyto took shelter under the grimace hat
tobes helped to calm his nerves by wearing his ataris badge
odd disappointed all by not wearing glasses blue
lanky needed no gimmick he set up the interview
the interview went off without a hitch
cos Thomas is cooler than rat, the bitch
Odd's grimace hat is so surreal
for blyto it was a good steal
feeno hung round like a 5th wheel
what makes you think that we're not real
we are so very real
we are
so very
real
*Tobes
tune of fox by millencolin
we had a sub the other day
she tried to teach us all about geology
we learned superposition law
but we dont care its all a bore
theres no experiments like chemistry
it?s a crock
I hate jocks
it?s a waste learning about rocks
(repeat)
we had a sub in religion
because our normal golly wog teacher had gone
he disappeared into thin air
and where hes gone nobody cares
I hope he drove his car into the sun
it?s a crock
I hate jocks
we know Jesus died on the cross
(repeat)
Griffo the maths man was away
the teacher that we had was Jimmy mate
he tried to make us work a while
but then forgot, he?s too senile
he told us stories ?bout his family
it?s a crock
I hate jocks
Mr Mate is a senile cock
*Tobes and Lanky
tune of san dimas by the ataris
santa came to my house, and he left stuff at my tree
same as last five years, same socks same size undies
it wouldn't be that bad, if I didn't grow each year
but undies that small start to, cut off bloodflow to my gear
I'd understand if he turned out to be a busy guy
but he has all year to determine what to buy
and if he turns up next year with the same undies to give
I'll make sure that his cookies are laced with some laxatives
that fat old man gave me undies
same size as year 5 meant that they didnt fit me
next year I want a new CD
next day I went to his house, all the way to the north pole
I went to change my present, I'd be happier with coal
when he opened the door, I lost it and broke his knee
he hobbled inside and said, next year he'd bring squat for me
as I came home I wish that I had not done what I did
it really wasnt that smart, to piss off old mate st nick
santa stayed true to his threat he gave me nothing that year
he'd just better be careful I'll be pissing in his beer
I only wish that santa could
just bring me some clothing like he always would
I'm sick of shopping in the nude
*Tobes
tune of I hate my brain by frenzal rhomb
Outside of maths we were standing during class
then came a psychopath noone likes cos he is an arse
I said gday then he spoke, I?m glad he did
cos hes a top aussie bloke
ch
I?m gonna stab ya x3
later that week we were standing before school
he decided to speak I knew it would be quite thoughtful
all of his words are so wise he said ?fuck you?
then had to apologise
ch
Butt you need help maybe you should just calm down
maybe you should talk less cos its makes you look like a clown
think why you have no friends, I just hope that I never see you again
*Tobes
tune of cartoons and chalkboards by one dollar short
do you remember your first thongs
on those summer days
I remember putting them on
and feeling my troubles drift away
but why must I lose
my cash at stores just made for shoes
woolies will get me the best price
and put a stop to my financial blues
I don't want to wear shoes anymore
I just want to wear my thongs forever
I don't want to get any blowouts now
double pluggers stop that happening somehow
cos nothing beats that familiar sound
as my thong flops and flips
nothing beats the way a thong fits
not to mention how it looks
and you know it pulls all the chicks
ch
no blow outs now
no more blowouts somehow
*Alternate first verse
But why must I lose
my cash at stores just made for shoes
Big Dub will get me thongs dirt cheap
to stop all my financial blues
*Tobes and Lanky
tune of superman by unwritten law
my parents hassle me
just because I got a B
on my student review
the same old case again
far too high expectations
I wish that it would end
I?ll run away and join the circus
ch
I?ll ride the little bike
hit in the face with whipped cream pies
live in the big top all of my life
cos I could be a clown
no parents to get me down
angry with my marks
I guess thats what I?ll do
a goofy wig and floppy shoes
getting lots of laughs
I?ll run away and join the circus
ch
*Tobes
tune of bullion by millencolin
why is it, all the chicks
always say guys are so hard to understand
I wish they could take our place
to find they?ve got it easier than being a man
cos they would see that men are far more simple
with food and sleep and grog being their only
needs
cos moods relationships and days of shopping
make women complicated in a whole new league
guys turn gay, just to stay
far away from chicks and all their dating tricks
no worse shit, relationships
are a hassle from which I need an escape
there?s got to be a pain-free quick solution
that gets rid of the problems of the dating scene
and now I know what I need is a prearranged
marriage
so I?m packing up my bags, heading overseas
I?ll never shave, grow a big beard
and I?ll learn to be a good muslim
and I?ll embrace the culture of Islam
and I?ll be my own man
no more dates
no more hate
just a wedding day now
no more moods
no more doom
make it soon
so that we can get to the honeymoon
to the honeymoon
its there that I can swoon
there that I can swoon
honeymoon
*Tobes
Can someone tell me why lifestyle shows
have taken over our lives
I'd rather sit and stare at the sun
or stick needles in my eyes
and just because big brother's watching
doesn't mean that I have to
and I don't care who wins survivor
just leave them there when it's through
ch
can't take no more reality shows
don't like watching paint dry
can't take no more reality shows
and I don't care who Survives
can't take no more reality shows
don't like watching grass grow
can't take no more reality shows
are these really, reality
cos real life isn't quite this dull
are these really, reality
real life isn't, quite this, dull
ask the audience Eddy McGuire
and they'll tell you that you're a jerk
and why watch Jamie Drury build things
when no one watches builders work
its as bad watching life on TV
as watching outside a window
stop living though them get your own life
you voyeuristic weirdo
ch
*Tobes
As I sit here in the cold
at the uni train station
the guy next to me huffs paint in a bag
it was his recreation
the station may be the home for
dregs of society
they're welcome to stay
but it isn't right for me
ch
gonna go down to the lard factory
it's the only place where I'd wanna be
cos everything is fine you'll see
when you're at the lard factory
I sit bored inside a class
can't sleep upon the desk
don't like the work
so I can't be arsed
and I count down til recess
so now throw down your pens
and then jump in the car
windows down and music on
and don't stop driving until you get some lard
come on down, where lard is found
and your troubles can't be seen
where problems disappear somehow
cos theres no bad times
at the lard factory
come on down
life needn't be too hard
come on down
come in an eat some lard
eat some more lard
*tobes