CHAPTER 4

Sorry if I didn't write much these days, but something happened and it is just awful. Nikolas got shot in the throat. I mean, I don't like the guy, but still I didn't want him to suffer like that. He was on the ground, in a pool of blood, gasping for air.

You see, Luke Spencer, Lucky's dad, had a Christmas party at his club. A private party like Lucky said to me and Emily. Yeah, Lucky invited me, but like I told him, it was just to be polite, but anyway. Nikolas had the guts to show up with my sister, and, in the parking lot at the end of the evening, he took a bullet intended for Jason Morgan, Emily's brother. Jason operated on him right there, clearing his throat so he could breath or something. I'm not sure I understood well. Nikolas has been in the hospital for days now, and I pretty much spend all my free time there with Sarah and Lucky.

Lucky makes me laugh. He's trying to be all tough and "I don't care" attitude, but I know better. He is worried sick about his half-brother. I saw him at the hospital, a couple of time, by himself, looking into Nikolas' room but when I ask him about it, he tells me politely to mind my own business. "Do you have to know everything" is always his answer.

He's trying to make me believe he doesn't care if Nikolas and Sarah are going out. "I always considered her my friend Elizabeth" was his answer. He said he was wishing my sister good luck with Nikolas and didn't talk about it anymore. Honestly, I'm starting to believe him. I'm actually starting to believe he is over mooning over her. I hope so anyway.

Everybody thinks I'm worried about him, but I'm not. I really don't care if he croaks. I go to the hospital to be with Sarah. SHE needs me. She is not always there when I arrive but I wait for her, why everybody assume I care about my mother's other son's condition? Just because I asked my aunt Bobbie if he was going to live or die doesn't mean I give a damn! Just because I asked Amy about the respirator or ventilator doesn't mean I don't want to unplug the damn thing! Even my dad doesn't seem to believe me when I say I don't care.

Nikolas asked to see me I was on my way out the door with Elizabeth. I've been seeing quite a lot of her lately and I must admit that I was wrong about comparing her to a dandelion, she is more like a daisy you know, pure and beautiful. She changed a lot since our last conversation in the car. She is actually civil to her sister and she's been quite supportive throughout everything. Why am I talking about her? I was talking about Nikolas. Anyway, he wanted to know if I remembered mom's birthday and he was fishing about wether or not she knew he had been shot and I told him no, that Stefan didn't want her to and neither did my dad and I, and he was trying to say something like Her not need, and I couldn't understand him. So I told him something was wrong and I rushed to find Stefan, but Cassadine said that if something happened to Nikolas he would hold me responsible, but I didn't do a thing! Tony said that he had some kind of a stroke and that he would have to work with a speech therapist. AND THAT I DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT!

I have to buy some time. I don't want to go downstairs just yet. I am ready, but I don't want Gram to ask me again and again what was wrong and why I wasn't to the dance yet, and that Lucky would be waiting for me. He stood me up. Yet again. But let me tell you the whole story OK?

I told Gram I was going to the Valentine's day dance with the invisible man, but she told me to ask Lucky to the dance. After a couple of minutes she convinced me and I went to Kelly's to ask him. I missed him like crazy. He just got back from Switzerland, he had been visiting his mother and sister. I acted casual, and told him we could just hang out for the night and he didn't even hesitated when he said "That's cool"! I thought I would die right there! He actually said THAT'S COOL right away! But to be on the safe side I asked him yeah? And he answered yeah. I told him to look for me, I'd be the one in the dress.

Gram took me shopping today and I bought the cutest little red dress just for Lucky. I truly believe I am beautiful in it, like the ugly duck turned into the beautiful swan. I bought shoes to go with them, and Gram even lent me a bracelet Gramps gave her a couple of years ago. Too bad Lucky will never get to see me.

He showed up tonight and asked me, since it wasn't a real date, if it was OK to bring someone. But not just anyone. Sarah. I thought it was a real date, I thought it was our first date. But it looks like I misread the signals, once again, and my date is with Sarah now. I don't know why I'm crying, I mean, why am I surprised? I just had to tell him it wasn't ok to bring someone, that it was a real date when he asked me, instead of making this stupid story about going with Chad Rendell, I don't even know him! I gotta go, Gram is shouting at me. Well, time to face the music. But I'm not going to the dance. I don't have the guts to see if he'll dance with me anyway. I'll just do something else, by myself. What else is new?

I still don't understand why I didn't tell her flat out that I had a date with her sister. Sarah came to see ME and asked me if I would take her to the Valentine's Day dance. I asked her if it was a play date, or a date, date and she said it was the real thing, so why did I go and tell Elizabeth that she asked me to go along so she wouldn't have to walk in alone? Why did I tell Liz that I was just glad she was finished crying for the guy? I don't know. I even proposed to Elizabeth to hang out with us if she wanted, since when do I care what she does?

She told me she has a date with Chad Rendell, that guy on the basketball team, and I told her she and her date could join us. Everything is fine, so why do I feel like it's not true? I feel awful, I can't stop thinking about the fact that I stood her up to go with her sister, the one she spent the last semester trying to make her life miserable. But it wasn't a date, wasn't it?

Something she said is staying in my mind. She said she wanted to meet me there not to be hit on by the pity patrol, that people would see us together and they'd leave us alone, so why did I ask her if I could bring someone, since she was basically asking me to spend the night dancing with her so she wouldn't have to look desperate.

Anyway, I have to go and pick Sarah up for the night of my life. I will show her that she belongs with me and not that creep Cassadine. I'll apologize to Elizabeth and everything will be all right. I'll even ask Elizabeth out to lunch for tomorrow to make amends. That sounds good. Ok, I'm off!