CHAPTER 7

I met Nikolas at the park a couple of days ago. I love to torture myself and I went back there to try and find anything that could give me a clue about who did this to Elizabeth. My precious mother's other son walked by and he told me he got a letter from her the other day, and I told her not to mention her name and to just keep walking. He asked me what was the matter with me and I told him his father was the problem and what he did to my mother. He seemed shocked by my revelation, that Stavros raped my mom and that was the only reason he was standing in front of me that day. He replied by the only way he could, twisting things around, or so I thought, and told me "You better get your facts straight Lucky, my father didn't rape our mother, yours did"

I refused to believe him, I refused to ask my father, I told him it was his game and I wasn't playing, so he said to ask someone I trusted, or to research it myself. "October 8th, a day to remember".

I couldn't believe it, but the next thing I knew, I was at the library, researching through old newspapers, to see if it was true. I found interesting stuff about my old man, like how he was mayor of Port Charles, how he saved the world, how he unfolded a kidnapping, and other stuff too. All I could find on Stavros wasn't flattering for him I must say, but then I stumbled upon it. "October 8th, rape victim found in park".

My hands were shaking, I had something stuck in my throat, but I went home, and called my mother. She told me it was love at first sight between her and my dad. My father came home after I hung up, and I tried to get him to open up. I don't know what I was fishing for. My father was not a rapist, it was all a great big lie! I told dad I had to go to school, but instead I went to see someone. Someone who knew my mother back then. Someone who was married to her. Scott Baldwin.

He was at the Outback, waiting for someone, and I sat in front of him. I asked him about the night my mother was raped. He avoided answering. He told me how you could be married to someone and not know everything about them. I asked him flat out "was it my father" and he started saying gibberish. Then I realized something. He was afraid of my father. He denied it, of course, and he told me at some point he would have loved to have Luke in prison, but now it was in the past. He said he had children of his own, and that's when I understood how afraid he was of my father. He was afraid for his children. So I said I would find my answers somewhere else, but I asked him one more question. I asked "How badly was my mom hurt" and he said "Physically, she was fine, she had a clean bill of health at GH, but mentally, I don't know. I DON'T KNOW"

How the hell is that suppose to help me? So I went to see the only person I knew wouldn't lie to me, because he would jump at the chance of badmouthing my father. I ambushed Stefan Cassadine on his way to his launch. Like everyone else, he didn't give me a straight answer. I said I knew he was lying, because if not he would jump at the chance to tell me. I said "It's a lie, because my mom would never marry her rapist". And he said something like "You cannot judge Laura with ordinary standards. Her capacity for forgiveness is almost as big as her capacity for love". That gave me the creeps. Because he was right. My mother was the most forgiving person on the face of this earth. I was doubting my father more and more, and that was eating me alive. I had to know, I had to know if the man I loved more than anything or anyone was a man I would learn to despise, to hate.

I didn't know where to go, who to turn to. I didn't know what to think, what to do. I felt as helpless as the night I found Elizabeth. I was looking for something I may have never found. I was looking for the truth, hoping, praying it wouldn't lead me to the death of the admiration, complicity, trust, love I had for my father. But I had faith. The man I knew would never do that to a woman, to my mother. My father spent his life protecting her, honoring her, loving her. Not once in his life did he even yelled at her, or threatened her in any way. I knew then what I had to do. I knew someone who could read my father even better than my mother ever could. My aunt Bobbie.

I stormed in her house and she saw right away something was wrong. I asked her about Carly, I asked her to remember why she wanted the truth, no matter how much it hurt, because it was better than a lie. So I told her "That's what I want from you. Did my father raped my mother". I was fighting the tears. This was the moment of truth. My hands were shaking, I was looking for my breath, but I had to know. Deep down I knew she would say it was all a great big lie. I knew she would say I should've known better than to trust a Cassadine, that I should be ashamed for doubting my father like that, and that I would have to work overtime to make it up to him. But she looked at me and my whole world shattered as the words "you're gonna have to ask your father" came out of her mouth. I said "No I don't" and I left.

In between, I don't remember exactly what I did, but when I got home, I took the "run" bag out of the closet, and took what I needed. I was about to take the money, but I put it back. I don't want anything that comes from a rapist. Dad got home at that time, and he tried to prevent me from leaving but I just shoved "Don't you touch me" in his face. He kept asking me what was wrong and I told him I was outta there, and he told me I wasn't going anywhere until we talked this out. I still remember everything we said. And I have to write it down, to be sure never to forget it.

"What? What if I walked out that door what would you do? Force me to stay why? Because you are stronger then me? Say it

-Why

-if you can't look me in the eye and teell me the truth man then we have nothing, less than nothing.

-Less than nothing Is that so?

-SAY IT!

-Think that's gonna make you feel betteer? I promise you it won't

-I wanna hear the words

-Ok, a long time ago, long before you wwere born, in another life, I raped your mother

-How?

-You don't want to know

-Yes I do, I want to know what big lie my whole life's been based on

-There is no big lie! You were conceivved, born and raised in love. Nothing but love. What happened a long time ago, and what is happening between us now are private matters between a man and his wife and the dark places in my soul are not yours to examine on demand

-You're just so full of crap. I never thought I would look into your eyes and hate you. But I do, and right now, I hate you more than anyone

-Why?

-Because you're a liar, and you're a hyypocrite, and I am so sick of being lied to dad. I'm sick of it. Just tell me what happened

-No, NO!

-YOU OWE ME THIS! I want to know the ttruth about everything that's happened I HAVE TO KNOW!"

I couldn't stop crying at that point. How could he do this? To the woman he claimed to love. He sat in the middle of the couch, and I sat near him, waiting for him to start telling his story. He told me how much he was obsessed with my mother, how her lair was long and silky, how her eyes were blue, how much he loved her but couldn't have her. He told me how he thought he would die soon, and that she was married to someone else, all stuff that didn't matter to me. I wanted to get it over with. I wanted to know what he did so that my mother wouldn't press charges. He told me he kept telling her to go home to her husband, but she wouldn't, and he started dancing with her. He said he kissed her and he knew she kissed him back, but I don't believe she did. He told me he kinda blacked out and when he came to, she was on the floor, big black streaks of tears were running down her face. I could imagine her face, her eyes. They must have been like Elizabeth's when I found her in the park. I don't think I heard the rest of his speech. When he said he told me everything he knew, I got up and left. I can't stand being in the same town with him, let alone the same room.

I almost caught the last bus out, but I can't leave without saying goodbye to Elizabeth. I have to make sure she will be all right. I also have to see her one last time, to engrave her face in my mind and know that somewhere, someone beautiful and pure cares about me.