| Behold Your New Lord and Savior! |
| Top Ten List of Things, Stuff, and Yes (in random order) 1. Easter. 2. I'm still the best artist. No shit. I am the fucking master. New record, 15 seconds. NO SHIT. 3. A+ Classes almost over. 4. Brian Urlacher 5. Loving you. 6. Stavri. 7. God damn I'm fucking good. 8. Terry Tate. 9. Precious Gifts and a Home to Cartwheel in. 10. Oh baby, Zap....... Top Ten Questions I am asking myself right now. (in random to the max) 1. Why is the an anti-men religion? 2. Why am I drinking by myself and watching Blind Date? 3. Stupid boys? Yeah, blow me. 4. Why are witches on Blind Date? 5. Why are they performing a sex date ritual? 6. Why green olives? 7. Why can't more cities be like Milwaukee? 8. Whats the deal with vermouth? 9. Why has Theo not run for president on a dancing platform? 10. What makes you think I care? |
| Top Ten Fights In Which Nocturno Culto Would Win (pow bitches) 1. Nocturno Culto vs. Jews. 2. Nocturno Culto vs. Wiskey Dick. 3. Nocturno Culto vs. Not getting off. 4. Nocturno Culto vs. Bass playing bitches. 5. Nocturno Culto vs. Dave Mathews. 6. Nocturno Culto vs. Suckas. 7. Nocturno Culto vs. Non-facial Dancing. 8. Nocturno Culto vs. 19 Midgets with a cellular phone. 9. Nocturno Culto vs. 3 Baluga whales, 76 Pick-ass bitches and 4 sluts. 10. Nocturno Culto vs. Mathalogic. 11. Nocturno Culto vs. Non-zappable things. |
| - Hey! Make no mistake, I like breasts and vaginas. - You know what, you've got a shirt on...but so do I. - Padams you are a God forsaken chode waxer. - If a terrorist attack happens on the Super Bowl and Patriots die, then I will have to be a good Christian again, because God was protecting Urlacher. - That's a Carcass style butter knife. - Damn your hidden privates!!! - Honey, it's gonna cost you more than $8 an hour to get rimjobs from me... - Why am I such a fucking hippy?!?! - I bonded with the refridgerator. - And why do I say eXpresso??? Because I hate those whops and their s's! - There's like a coma of stench around my crotch - you get what I mean, though..... - I should pee myself. - Did someone just knock? - I will have the smelliest crotch available!! - (slurring) Gimme a ciggarette, I'm drooling - I cracked in my cracky spots. - (slurring again) I'm dirty drunk!!! - You're from Illinois and you don't know who motherfucking Urlacher is??? You're fucking worthless you pathetic bitch!!!! - Did someone just knock? - You're not some drunk, you're mostly. - If I wanted your bean dip, I'd give you the hormers. - Yeah I'll save them for you - I'll save them IN MY LUNGS!! - I've been known to hear that. - Wet 'n' Wild silkfinish creative eyeshadows, oooooooo! Let's play dress up! - I'm not da da dat da.... - Bitch, make me some more babies to kill! - Did someone just knock? - I didn't know there was a finish button.... What? - Only if you can smell with you tongue, also. - Can I call you Ulie? - It's like pine insulation in my mouth! - Quit shakin my knobs! - That's not a figurin' you should figure. - Oh yeah, thats doin it. What the fuck am I looking at? - Why don't you hit that? Then I'll make more sense to you. - Quit being a non....coolville..... - I wish I had a big ole' drippin snapper. - Hey, who's fault is that: mine or gods? - I mean, (pop) his acting is really out there. You have to pay attention to catch Danney Devito at work. - You guys should combine forces....and get laid. - I'm not your boyfriend, but I will beat you. - Dude, we should put pegs in our walls so I can climb them. - I'm gonna pour beer on my crotch until somone listens to me. - She has got the most seductive gut available. - It looked like I was doing good until I realized I was retarded. - If you say anything funny, I'll be like "That's our Snapper." - He's from Ukrania. - I also think I'm going to wear a feather as a mask. - I just don't sit around enough to do anything.....wait....... - Its like a B.O. crotch invasion. - Anything affiliated with Tennessee should automaticaly be branded "failure". - How do you spell automaticaly? - How come you're not makin with the Sacajewea dollars bitch? Now make with the head. - Goddamn the virtual A. I. Chinkers, they're making fun of me somewhere. - As people we can say that rape is bad, but if you're a rat, rape is par for the course. - I'd so fuck Ms. Brisbie. - "What game is this"? (Terrorist R) Trollfighter! Da daa da da da shampoo! - I'll drink your fucking shut up! - Hey somebody close the slanty thing. - It's like a Junior Mint that's really mad at you. - You sucked all the words out of my dick! - I'd dress up like a woman and break my shoe to get a ride from Urlacher. - I don't know why I'm punching all these walls in holes and... John Shoop! - Me speak good. We decide later. |
| Quote of the Whenever the Fuck I feel like it: "If a tiny pacemaker can control heartbeat, imagine what the current from a car battery could do to your heartbeat. People around you won't see tremendous sparks and flames during your electrocution, but you will be just as dead." --- Straight from the pages oF --- A+ Core Hardware Text by elementK Word of the Day (day being an entirely relative term here) Pooched ! |
| Greetings. So I guess it is time for me to give you a little background on me, so that this page makes more sense, or at least serve to give you, the tormented, some sort of insite into my fractured thought process. OK, then lets proceed. Right! I'm a long haired, nature loving, foul mouthed, stubborn, opinionated, spiteful, soft, semi-hippie bastard. I love winter and hate heat. I prize loyalty, honor, and pride above almost all things (if you know what I like more, then you win a prize) and if you violate these things, I will kill your fucking pets and feed them to you. I am a big fan of observing and learning how to read people so that I know what they will do before they do; it comes in handy. I don't like being fucked with; shoot straight with me, but realize I love to fuck with people. I like to push myself to find out my limits, and function in a black and white world (I have no fucking time for grey areas). This tends to make me a person of extremes, which shows all over. Also, as you may have noticed, I have a skewed way of looking at things. Its not that I'm that fucked up, but I just appreciate looking at the fun in things, even if I'm the only one who sees it, it hurts others, or is just plain insulting or retarded. In fact, you will find that if you say anything fun enough, you can get me to do just about anything; but I have not found anyone who knows more than one or two things that they can fun me into. I'm a Tolkien nerd. Deal with that shit. I love extreme music and do not comprimise on that shit. You can also deal with that shit to the max. I like movies made for teenage girls (Clueless, fuck yeah) and DBZ to the max. I am intensely spiritual, but I don't like to talk about that unless I'm in my cups. And I like to be in those. I can't handle women, they dumbfound me, trick me, blind me with thier woman trickery, which I do not appreciate. But I'm a sucker for a pretty set of eyes and a mouth that is capable of putting together interesting and independent thoughts. If it wasn't for my anti-vagina fog, maybe one day I could hope to have kids. But feel safe when you go to bed at night, breeding is not something that looks like it is in my immediate future, so breathe a collective sigh and stock up on ammo and firearms while you can, there is only so long that I will wait until I begin to breed the spawn. I just need to get some good tricks and a woman who is worthy. Well, in short, one day I will be able to grow a beard. Enjoy. Questions? Comments? Offended? Just wanna feel better about youself as a person? Email Enoonmai, the Retard Oracle at kamakurakugelord@hotmail.com |
| Behold the Retard Oracle! |
| Current Playlist of Force and Domination (learn the way or die! Can you do any less?) 1. Revenge - Triumph, Genocide, Antichrist 2. Cannibal Corpse - Butchered at Birth 3. Death - Symbolic 4. Metallica - random shit 5. Ulver - Perdition City 6. Death - Human 7. The moaning of a pleased woman 8. Enslaved - Mardraum 9. Iron Maiden - Powerslave 10. Zalnik - various recordings THIS LIST IS PRESENTED IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER, OR FOR THAT MATTER ARE THESE ALBUMS IN FACT BEING LISTENED TO BY MYSELF. |
| Top Ten List of Crap, Not Fun, and Blaa (in a more random order than before) 1. Lack of job situation. 2. Burning my tounge. 3. The guys who throw out the bagles at New Horizons. 4. MSU 5. ISU 6. MSU 7. ISU 8. Cover charges. 9. Morons. 10. Being broke. |
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| Special Features! Thank Yous! Quotes I like The Chronicles of Ann Hecke Stories Enoonmai's Retarded Poll Getting to know me better Why I hate Michellle Branch....COMMING SOON Why I am So Fucking Stupid: A Point by Point Inspection...COMMING SOON Getting to know you....COMMING SOON |
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| Graphics still suck. The Professor is still hated by the entire western hemisphere. I just can't resist giving praise to Urlacher, the son of God. |
| BLOW ME PROFESSOR. YOU ARE A DILDO. THATS RIGHT. DILDO. |