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Ephron Dayne quietly slipped into a corner of Docking Bay 5, joining his co-conspirators in further talk of treason. He knew the slightest hint of any of it getting to any officer would mean immediate death for all involved, without benefit of doubt. But what he’d learned was worth the risk.
One of the other techs wasn’t so sure. “You are surely mad, Ephron. What can be so important, calling all of us here half an arn before the next recognizance cycle? What excuse do we have for being here if we’re caught? And what if….”
“Angus, if you’re that nervous, go back to your duty station like a good little tralk,” Ephron scolded his friend harshly. “Now, listen. Crichton’s been captured on board the carrier again. He’s in the prison cells on Level 3. He is here as part of their plan, I’m sure of it. With the right persuasion, they will join us, or at least ask for our help.”
“But, what can we do about it?” whispered Zandran. “Are we really ready for this?”
“We have to be. I’ve already spoken with the rest of the council, and they’re meeting with their units in the next quarter-arn. All we have to do is wait for his shipmates – the Luxan, the Nebari, perhaps even Gilina. They will come. I know it.” Ephron reached out to join hands with the other four, who nodded in agreement, even the timid Angus. “When they come, we must be ready.”
Crichton was beginning to feel right at home in a Peacekeeper cell. ‘Well, at least I actually got into the ship this time before I screwed up,’ he thought ruefully. He wouldn’t let himself dwell on the question he’d left hanging before all hell had broken loose.
He looked up. Aeryn stood outside his cell door, glaring at him, furious with him.
“I told you, didn’t I? Warned you. But you wouldn’t listen. You wouldn’t hear.”
He stood and stormed to the cell door. “Hear what, that you’ve made a 180 degree turn from everything we’ve been through in the past three cycles? That you really want to return to that Peacekeeper life? And with Scorpius?! Never!”
Aeryn knew she had to convince him for good this time. It wasn’t too late. She could still get him out of here. She just had to make him believe her, once and for all. So why did it feel so good that he hadn’t believed her?
“How inspiring, Crichton.” Aeryn immediately stiffened as her commanding officer walked across the room to stand next to her at the cell door. Crichton’s skin crawled at the sound of Scorpius’ voice. “Imagine, it only required three cycles to create a Peacekeeper with feelings. What a pity they’ve betrayed her at a most crucial moment.”
Aeryn was too angry to be afraid. “The only betrayal here is yours, Scorpius. Let him go.”
“Surely you’re not that stupid, Aeryn, to think I’d let Crichton go yet again. I kept my word. He’s the fool who keeps coming back to rescue you.” Scorpius was once again very satisfied with himself. He’d achieved exactly what he’d wanted, without having to lift a finger. The Human was far too predictable.
Aeryn was beginning to run out of options. Her bluff was about to be called, and she knew it. “How, then, does that indicate betrayal on my part?”
“Very simple. You would choose your renegade friends over your renewed Peacekeeper duty. Disappointing, I must say, but not entirely unexpected.”
Aeryn set her jaw and looked straight at Crichton, knowing full well what she had to do at this moment and already regretting it. “I have no intention of disavowing the Peacekeepers a second time. But I will fight you to the death if you harm Crichton.”
“If a quick death is your desire, Officer Sun, I will most certainly comply.”
“Can it, Scorpius. Just because I’m dumb enough to keep banging my head against this rock hard Peacekeeper wall doesn’t mean Aeryn has to die for it. She’s more valuable to you alive and you know it.” Even Crichton couldn’t believe how cool his own voice sounded.
“Calm yourself, John, this game of cat and mouse between Officer Sun and I has been more entertainment than I’ve enjoyed since I removed the chip from your surprisingly intricate little brain. For the moment, she’s in no immediate danger.”
Aeryn had no intention of playing Scorpius’ game any longer. “Both of you, shut up.” To her amazement, they did. She turned to Scorpius. “You want the truth? There are two John Crichtons. Ever hear of Karvok?” She saw recognition in Scorpius’ eyes. “One Crichton is dead. Before his death, one of the Ancients….”
“Aeryn, don’t do this,” Crichton warned, but she didn’t even take a breath.
“ – unlocked the wormhole information in John’s brain. There is no other way – only the Ancients have the key. John used a wormhole….”
“AERYN, NO!” Crichton couldn’t believe what he was hearing.
“ – to destroy a Scarren dreadnought that had downloaded Furlow’s wormhole data from her research lab. If you want wormhole, you’d better stop wasting your time with this John Crichton.” She glanced back at Crichton. “It’s locked in his brain forever without the Ancients, and no one knows where they are now.”
Aeryn truthfully answered the question she knew would be next. “I know that the Scarrens will eventually wage war on Sebaceans. I know they will destroy all other races unless they are stopped. Until the Scarrens are defeated, I will fight them. If that means chasing after the elusive wormhole technology, then I am bound to do what I can to help.”
Scorpius grinned malevolently, but in a flash the coldness was gone from Aeryn’s voice and eyes. Rage had replaced it. She glared at both of them.
“You listen to me, you fools, playing your games with the secrets of the universe as if you yourselves had created it! You both long to capture wormhole and use it for your own purposes, and yet neither one of you realize it has captured you. The power you seek will boil your blood and tear you limb from limb if you try to possess it!”
Aeryn stood toe to toe with Scorpius. “I warn you now, the day will come when your obsession will swallow you whole. On that day, if I am alive to see it, I will rejoice.”
She looked back at Crichton, and was rewarded, at last, with the sting of her betrayal in his eyes. She turned and walked away from him, the staccato click of her boots echoing down the corridor.
He wondered if he had ever really known Aeryn Sun at all.
Prowlers lined Docking Bay 5, ready to embark on the regular recognizance run. As pilots manned their ships, one lost his temper with a tech, kicking him in the face as he climbed aboard. Without so much as a glance back, the pilot guided his prowler out of the bay into open space.
He never noticed the barely discernable distortion that hovered just beyond the bay doors. It moved slowly, like a mirage, slipping into the bay without a sound.
The Luxan warship maneuvered its way into an unused corner of the bay. The voices aboard were low.
“How long can we remain concealed, D’Argo? How long before we can get out of here and find Crichton?” Chiana had been nervously pestering the Luxan for details since he had picked them up from Talyn an arn earlier, after John had missed the rendezvous time.
D’Argo sighed. This was going from bad to worse. Actually, the worse had come and gone; all that was left was desperation. Now he was putting Chiana and Jool at risk, as well.
“We have to wait until the bay is empty. We won’t be shrouded while the hatch is open, but as soon as it’s sealed up again, no one will be able to tell it’s here.” D’Argo had been extraordinarily patient with her questions.
“You mean until someone walks into it, right?” Ever the pragmatist, that Jool.
“Quiet, Jool,” answered D’Argo softly. “Let’s just hope Aeryn’s been doing what I think she’s been doing, and that Crais has made himself useful. John, I’m sure, is sitting in a cell right now.”
“If he’s still alive, that is,” Jool whispered solemnly.
Chiana shook her head, even though she’d had no precognition. It was more intuition. “He’s alive, you guys. I know it.”
The last tech left the bay. A loud whoosh, and the distortion became corporeal. The small group quickly exited from the hatch. With one touch of D’Argo’s hand to the control panel, the ship instantly vanished again.
As she marched from the prison cells down the corridor, Aeryn fought with all her might to hold back the tears. Her course was set, and it was now or never. She’d worry about how she would accomplish her task when she got there.
So distracted by her inner turmoil, she never noticed the shadowed figure that hid in a side passageway until a hand grabbed her by the neck and pulled her in with him. “Who’s the traitor now, Aeryn?” Crais whispered in her ear. In spite of his accusation, he released her neck and instead pressed a pulse pistol against her chest.
“I can’t believe it. You and Crichton, working together?” Aeryn actually smiled.
“Desperate situations, Officer Sun. Where are you headed?”
The smile disappeared. “Wormhole Bay Laboratory. I’m going to finish what I came here for while I still have Scorpius’ trust, as much as there is. How have you managed to elude capture?”
“I know this command carrier top to bottom, remember? How do you think Crichton made it as far as your quarters?” Crais grinned wryly. “D’Argo should be waiting in Docking Bay Five, unless he’s given up on us. I have more weapons one level down. Come on.”
They waited to make sure the corridor was empty, then stole their way down to Crais’ stash of pulse pistols and rifles.
“Did you come ready for a war?” Aeryn asked incredulously. Crais laughed a short, cynical laugh. “Crichton always has had a flare for overdoing things, hasn’t he?”
“Thank the goddess this time. We’ll need all the help we can get.” With that left-handed supplication, Aeryn and Crais set out to complete John Crichton’s mission.
D’Argo rounded a corner and entered an empty corridor, two levels below Bay 5. Jool followed, with Chiana not far behind, watching their backs.
Aeryn and Crais lugged as much ammunition as they could carry with them up to the empty corridor they had left a few microts earlier.
As Aeryn rounded a corner she came face to face with D’Argo’s Qualta blade. Frozen in place, all five renegades and allies studied each other for a few hesitant breaths. Then, D’Argo dropped the blade to his side. There was trust in his eyes when he spoke.
“It is good to see you again, Aeryn.”
Chiana and Jool surfaced from behind him. Aeryn looked at all of them, and made the assumption about why they had come. “Crichton is just down this corridor and to the left….”
“We’re here for you, too, Aeryn,” Chiana said firmly. “We’re leaving together – all of us.”
Jool’s curls bounced in agreement. “I for one refuse to take Crichton back unless you come too,” she whined without apology. “He’s driven us crazy. It’s your turn to put up with him.”
“One for all and – or – it is all for – Chiana, what is it he’s always saying?” D’Argo affectionately misquoted the Human.
Aeryn swallowed hard. From the moment she’d stepped foot on Moya again, they had let her be. They hadn’t demanded anything of her. But they wouldn’t let go of her, either. Once again this odd mix of comrades, her loyal friends, were reaching out to where she was, to bring her back to them.
“Much as I hate to interrupt, this is hardly the place for a family reunion,” Crais reminded them quietly. Chiana whispered, “Where do we go from here, Aeryn?”
Aeryn took a deep breath. “Go get Crichton. Crais, you go with them. Give me a quarter of an arn and I’ll join you in Bay Five, and we’ll get the frell out of here.”
“We’re not splitting up.” A voice no one recognized came from behind D’Argo. They turned to see the pulse pistol dug into Jool’s neck, her eyes bulging in fear. The tech didn’t waste time.
“Where is Gilina?” he asked bluntly.
“Who the frell are you?” D’Argo growled quietly.
“I am Ephron Dayne, her…friend. Why isn’t she with you?”
Aeryn offered the answer, gently. “Gilina was helping us escape from the Gammak Base when Scorpius shot her. She died shortly afterwards, aboard Moya.”
Ephron’s face crumpled in momentary grief. “Scorpius…” he breathed with contempt. “He has been the cause of more death and suffering than any crew could tolerate.” His anger propelled him towards his goal. He looked up at the group. “Rebellion amongst the techs has been imminent for some time now. This can serve as the catalyst for a revolution.”
The tech released Jool and handed the pulse pistol to D’Argo. He looked directly at Aeryn.
“Many cycles ago, Peacekeepers fought for justice. We were honorable once. I believe we must become so again. If you are the brave and noble person Gilina believed you to be, then I will pledge my allegiance to you, and fight with you.”
Aeryn’s eyes welled up once again, and she had to fight the tightening in her chest. “Don’t pledge your allegiance to me, or to any person. Pledge yourself to that cause in which you believe. Then you will not fail.”
Ephron nodded. “Come with me,” he instructed. “There are over two hundred techs waiting to help you. And if you’re planning what I think you are, you’re going to need it.”
Scorpius paced back and forth on Command. Where had Aeryn Sun hidden herself?
He hadn’t heard one report of her since she’d made her dramatic exit from the prison. Extra guards were posted around Crichton, but there’d been various monitor failures on the levels immediately above and below Crichton’s cell.
Seldom was Scorpius caught off guard, but her revelation in front of Crichton had renewed both his lust for investigating this new information and his tentative partnership with Aeryn. When she hadn’t shown up anywhere, his suspicions grew.
Braca gloated, but inwardly only. He knew better than to vex Scorpius at this point. He indulged himself with a momentary picture of Aeryn Sun in chains, cowering in her cell while he stood over her, ‘interrogating’ her as Crichton could only listen to her torture.
Braca’s reverie was shattered by the loud whine of the ship’s alarms. He scrambled to a control panel, then looked up at the screen.
Scorpius roared. “What is it?!”
Braca could scarcely get the words out. “A Scarren dreadnought, sir! Still two hundred thousand metras out, and I can’t tell whether they’ve sensed us yet – but we read several scout ships have been deployed.”
“Launch all the remaining prowlers except mine, Braca, immediately!” Scorpius commanded. The pilots ran to the docking bays, leaving fewer than half the officers aboard the carrier. Rarely had Scorpius ever made such a mistake.
He never saw his assailant coming from behind him until he felt the pulse pistol at his head and heard Crais’ voice in his ear. “Old foes are truly the ones we remember best, are they not?”
Aeryn had hoped to reach the Wormhole Laboratory before the sound of pistol fire erupted in the corridors outside the bay, but it wasn’t to be. Techs, she couldn’t help thinking. Not exactly battle-trained, but still – not bad for beginners.
The guards in the lab had immediately sealed the security doors. Aeryn ducked and narrowly avoided pulse shots from three more Peacekeepers in the bay. Before she could return fire, five techs moving into the bay from the corridor took out the soldiers with deadly accuracy. ‘Apparently NOT beginners,’ Aeryn surmised.
With the techs guarding her back, Aeryn darted to the lab doors, placed two explosives and ran for cover. Through the ensuing smoke and flames, Aeryn could see her handiwork had accomplished more than she’d hoped: all four guards and the lab workers were dead.
But the familiar sound of the ship’s computer began the monotone message she’d not expected: “Countdown to self-destruct initiated. Evacuate immediately. Self-destruct will detonate in five hundred microts. Evacuate immediately.”
Well, wasn’t Scorpius a clever creature. This was quite a deterrent for would-be saboteurs.
Aeryn set four more explosives and sprinted out of the bay with the techs. The blast knocked her off her feet and momentarily dazed her. She looked back to see the last of the databanks engulfed in flames.
She closed her eyes and whispered softly, “For you, John.”
Crichton paced back and forth in his cell. He knew something was up, something big. He muttered to himself. “Is this how it’s supposed to end? With me hog-tied? Damn, I’d rather go out the way he went.”
“Be careful what you wish for, Crichton.” Aeryn’s voice at the door halted his pacing. Before he saw her, the door swung open. He stepped out to join her while she watched for any remaining Peacekeepers. “Come on, you need to get out of here.”
In spite of what he’d been wondering about her in the past arn, Crichton immediately followed her as she headed down the corridor. “What’s with all the bells and whistles?”
“Scorpius had a self-destruct program installed in the Wormhole Lab, which I managed to initiate when I blew it up. Now I’ve got to….”
Crichton stopped her with a hand on her arm. He stared at her in shock. “You – you destroyed it? You did it – you did it!” Without even thinking, he grabbed Aeryn around her waist and swung her off her feet as his joyous laughter echoed around them. She had to fight the urge to laugh, too. How ridiculous! They were in horrendous danger! She shoved at him when he put her down.
“Stop it! We don’t have time! I must get back to Command to stop the self-destruct. D’Argo’s ship is in Docking Bay Five, two levels up and to the left. I want you out of here – now!”
“No way, baby – I’m not leaving here without you.”
“Go now, John, please go!”
His breath caught. “John – you called me John.”
She looked at him like she could smack him. “Haven’t changed your name, have you?”
“But – John. Not Crichton.” He knew the grin on his face was utterly stupid. He didn’t care.
Aeryn’s limited patience was slipping fast. “Get OUT of here NOW!”
But John’s hope had gotten a needed shot in the arm. Still grinning, but with more force than before: “I’m not leaving without you.”
Desperate to get him out of harms way, Aeryn’s voice was low and shaky. “I chose this. I wanted this.”
John shook his head. “No, you didn’t. Maybe you thought this was all that was left for you, but you don’t want this.”
“You don’t know that. You don’t know WHAT I want any longer.”
He hesitated, almost stumbling over the words. “I wasn’t…sure. But I hoped.”
There it was. He hadn’t been sure of her. All the time they’d spent together, all the times they’d backed each other up, saved each other. She’d done her best to convince him, yes, but…still.
Then, in that same instant, realization of what his doubt meant. He hadn’t been sure that the Peacekeeper in her was gone forever. Not sure of her loyalty. Not sure she could ever love him again. And yet, in spite of his doubts, here he was, risking everything again. For her.
Who was this man, that he could be so flawed and so magnificent in the same breath?
Her voice was soft. “You came for me anyway.”
“I always will. You already know what it will take for me to leave you.”
Instantly Aeryn was with him on his deathbed again, watching him leave her. Did Crichton want to torment her? She gritted her teeth, angry again. “I won’t let that happen.”
John knew how she hurt, and reproved himself for reminding her of it. But he also knew she had to let go.
“That implies more control than anyone ever has. Sometimes you get heads, sometimes…it’s tails.”
Her eyes glistened. “How can you live like that, accepting that happiness can be snatched away from you at any moment? Why would you want to?”
Good question. John recalled spending a lot of years hiding from exactly that kind of risk. She deserved an honest answer.
“You know, it’s amazing Aeryn. I can’t imagine my life now without you in it. That’s what love does. It…compels us…to hope, to believe. No choice. It’s simple, really. Being with you is worth everything, every risk. The question for you is…am I?”
As if on que, the alarms grew louder, and there was renewed pulse fire up ahead of them. A rumble shook deep within the ship. Aeryn took off for Command again, shouting to John as she ran. “Neither one of us will ‘be’ anything if we don’t get to Command. Come on!”
Crais and Ephron Dayne were working furiously on circuit panels, rerouting wires and checking thousands of possible passwords at light-speed. The self-destruct couldn’t be accessed.
John and Aeryn had just entered Command when Chiana screeched, “What about that dreadnought?”
“WHAT dreadnought?!” they both shouted, unable to fathom that the situation could get worse.
Angus popped his head up from underneath another control panel. “Not to worry, it’ll be gone in another microt or two.”
The crew turned in unison to the screen, where the dreadnought’s image was barreling down their throats. John gave an ‘are you SURE?’ side-glance back to the tech, who still grinned confidently. Sure enough, another microt, and the dreadnought vanished completely from the screen.
“Cool, dude. Now, somebody want to bring us up to speed?” John requested as calmly as he could.
Nearly panicked, Ephron shouted, “Angus! See if you can access the Wormhole Project on the second set of data chips – hurry!”
Angus’ smile vanished. “I don’t have the code – I’m not on the project, Ephron, you know that!”
“Try, anyway!” Ephron gritted out.
Zandran and at least fifteen more techs burst into Command, shouting of their victory. “We’ve done it! The rest of the soldiers are being taken to the prison cells now! We’ve won!”
But the warnings grew louder, blaring the same message: “Self-destruct will detonate in seventy-five microts. Evacuate immediately.”
Dumb-founded, Zandran looked at Ephron. “You mean…you mean the self-destruct is REAL?”
Aeryn glanced around Command. She yelled at D’Argo, “Where’s Scorpius?”
Crais and D’Argo looked towards the pillar where they’d chained Scorpius, his cooling rods removed to keep him subdued. The chains were melted, enough for him to break free and slither away unnoticed in the battle that had ensued.
D’Argo DID growl then: “JOOL!” All the Interon could do was bite her lip while Chiana swatted at her.
Braca lay wounded, unable to fight, face down on the floor next to Scorpius’ empty chains. D’Argo pounced on him, turning him over and shoving a pistol into his temple. “Your ‘daddy’ forgot to take you with him when he crawled away like the coward he is. Give me the Wormhole Project code, or you’ll wish you were dead already!”
Braca only laughed, then choked as he gasped his last breath.
Chiana grabbed D’Argo’s sleeve. “We’ve got to get out of here, now!”
Aeryn shouted above the alarms. “There are more than two hundred techs aboard this carrier. We can’t abandon them!”
“But we can’t save everyone – this ship is gonna blow in fifty microts!”
Aeryn looked to John for help, and froze.
John stood in a trance, his eyes fixed on a distant vision. Aeryn knew immediately what he was doing. All she could think of was how much he hated that clone, and how much she loved him at that moment.
John drifted into the hypnosis that would allow his demon to draw forth. “Harvey, unless you want to say your final prayers in Purgatory, you’d better show yourself. Come on, Harv, front and center!”
“Yes, John, I’m here. I just wanted to see how desperate you’d get before you realized you needed me, after all. I was starting to feel a little taken for granted.”
“Yeah, well, seeing as how survival is the name of your game, maybe you shouldn’t wait for the chocolates and roses before you give me the code we need to stop self-destruct.”
“You know, John, you’re not much fun at all anymore. Try Relani.”
John shouted the word as soon as Harvey said it. Crais looked at him, confused, but Aeryn instinctively went to the panel and entered the name. Instantly, the data was accessed.
With the countdown relentlessly marching on, Aeryn searched frantically for the self-destruct sequence,
“Self-destruct….”
found the deactivation code,
“….will detonate in….”
and punched it into the databank with five microts left. The alarms stopped, but they all held their breath until they heard the drone of the computer voice again: “Self-destruct has been terminated.”
A roar of celebration broke out across Command. Chiana squealed with joy, this time hugging Jool, who looked like she would faint.
But Crais picked up the empty chains and waved an arm to quiet the crowd. “We MUST find Scorpius!”
Chiana stilled, her smile fading. “He’s taken the last prowler. Crais, where was Talyn supposed to wait for us?”
Talyn could sense being boarded, but he knew it wasn’t Crais. A Peacekeeper, yes, but something else, also. He began to panic.
Moya had starburst only the minimum distance from the carrier. The shrill call for help from her offspring brought her back within microts, but she found only empty space from where Talyn’s cry had come.
Pilot commend D’Argo. Scorpius had wounded the Leviathan gunship, dismantled some of his control capabilities and starburst out of range.
Scorpius was now in control of Talyn.
For the first time, the Peacekeeper Command Carrier and the Leviathan Moya shared the same space as allies rather than adversaries. Fugitive allies, being hunted by Peacekeeper High Command, but allies none the less.
The prowlers had been allowed to return to the carrier, but the few pilots who had survived the battle in the docking bays were immediately imprisoned.
Crais had, of course, ‘requested’ command of the carrier after agreeing to share authority with the Tech leadership, especially when he realized he was completely outnumbered.
“I understand you have your own agenda,” Crais assured the Tech Council. He was becoming a proficient diplomat. “But you must also understand, finding Talyn and freeing him from Scorpius is my highest priority.”
The Tech Council had only begun to adjust to their new freedom and autonomy, and weren’t about to let a former Peacekeeper captain make their decisions for them.
“Only because we also have a vested interest in stopping Scorpius from obtaining the power that would come with wormhole technology, we will agree to search for him,” one of the council leaders pronounced. “However our ultimate goal is not to hide forever from High Command, but to build a legion of Peacekeepers dedicated to reformation.”
Crais scoffed, tactfully, at the absurdity of their quest. “Commendable as your goal may be, one carrier cannot defeat the entire fleet. You cannot force the issue, and even if such a rebellion were to take place on every carrier, High Command will never be persuaded to join hands in an alliance with an army of techs.”
Ephron Dayne was not deterred by Crais’ skepticism of the council’s vision. “Captain, you yourself are proof that anything is possible,” the Tech leader reminded Crais, who took the back handed compliment in stride.
John had stood silently shaking his head at the coalition being formed between Crais and the techs. Aeryn’s pulse raced faster when he leaned in to whisper in her ear.
“This is a bad move, handing the carrier back to Crais. You sure trust him more than I ever will.”
“Fine,” Aeryn had patronized him. “You stay on board with him. I’m going home to Moya. She’s leaving to find Talyn with or without us, so you’d better make up your mind quickly.”
John smiled spontaneously at her slip. “Home?” he’d repeated. Aeryn was more surprised than John when she realized what she’d said, but she didn’t try to deny it.
An arn later, the crew was back on Moya, with Rygel pompously berating them for taking so long. Pilot plotted a course for Dambada. Aeryn was convinced that would be the first place Scorpius would head – to find Furlow.
But while Moya waited impatiently for starburst capacity, Aeryn took the time to gather her bearings. She knew it was her fault that Talyn was in Scorpius’ hands. He would never have tried to board Talyn if she hadn’t revealed the young Leviathan’s vulnerability. She headed for the terrace.
When the door swung open, she hesitated. John turned to face her, as though he’d been waiting for her. As much as Aeryn wanted to turn and run, she forced herself to walk past him, looking up at the sea of lights above their heads.
They stood there, silent, for a long time. Eventually, John moved to stand next to her. His shoulder brushed hers.
He cleared his throat nervously. Aeryn couldn’t help smiling, but turned away so he wouldn’t see.
“You know, umm…you never…answered my question.”
Aeryn gave him a puzzled look. “What question?”
He looked down at his boots. “The one I asked you on the carrier, after you came for me.” He forced himself to look in her eyes. “Am I worth the risk?”
Ah, yes. He’d said it was ‘simple’. Simple, perhaps, but not easy. Her eyes fell from his gaze. “What does the name Relani mean to Scorpius?”
John allowed her the momentary dodge. “It was his mother’s name,” he replied. He contemplated on what Harvey had shared with him about Scorpius’ past. “A son’s devotion. Go figure,” he mused, shaking his head in amazement.
Aeryn only nodded in agreement, thinking of her own mother. Xhalax hadn’t failed Aeryn. She’d once given her little girl hope in a world where there was none to be found. No wonder Aeryn loved John Crichton. That man lived and breathed hope.
That man…John Crichton…lived. And he had taught Aeryn Sun how to hope.
But the first steps back from an abyss are the hardest. She couldn’t even look at him as she spoke from her heart.
“John, listen to me very carefully. I don’t know that I can be who you want…give you what you want. I don’t know if I can…love…anyone – you – that much.” She struggled in her attempt to explain to him how lost she’d been. She glanced at him and was instantly sorry. Why must his pain be hers, as well?
How could she tell him that John had brought her more happiness than she’d ever known? How could she tell him that part of her had died with John?
She settled for the words that had been the mantra of every Peacekeeper soldier for hundred of cycles. “I’m…afraid. And fear means weakness, failure…death.”
Fortunately, John had never been a Peacekeeper soldier. He raised his brows. He was gentle, but there was no way he was letting her off the hook with THAT old line. “You really think that Peacekeeper propaganda crap is gonna keep you from becoming the person you’re destined to be?”
Immediately, Aeryn bristled. “And what is that, Crichton? What grand and glorious future do you see for Aeryn Sun? To save the universe at your side, forever getting our asses kicked from one frelling planet to the next, always waiting for the moment when….” She hesitated to even say it. Her eyes reflected the pain she’d borne. “…when your luck runs out and I’m again left to wonder what I’m to do without you?”
John softened, reminded of what she’d lost. What she was afraid of losing again. He reached out, tentative at first, and stroked her hair. “Plan A. Plan A’s been a helluva ride. Brought John Crichton to Aeryn Sun, where he belongs.”
Would he never give up? No, of course not, she marveled. He was right, whether she wanted him to be or not. She belonged with him, too. She knew it. And yet….
“Got him killed, too.”
His hand moved from her hair to her cheek, caressing lightly. Her eyes closed. How could a touch feel so good? And the sound of his voice, full of love but tinged with laughter.
“Plan B: let’s see, find a Sebacean colony, or a wormhole – oops! Sorry, bad word! Uh, somehow find Earth, settle down, make babies, get fat and lazy….”
She feigned outrage. “You may get fat, Crichton! YOU! Don’t go THERE again!”
Oh, God! She didn’t say no! His heart soared. “OK, OK, I’ll get fat, you’ll keep kickin’ MY ass, we’ll end up a couple of old geezers, gardening or some such other rot. Don’t you get it? I don’t care what we do. Let’s do it together. Would that be so terrible?”
For as long as she lived, Aeryn would never be able to fathom the depths to which John could reach her. She’d gone as far away from him and as deep into herself as she possibly could, and yet, here he was, coaxing her out onto that shaky limb she had already fallen from.
“So we are destined to spend our lives together, however long we have. Is that my only purpose? To live for John Crichton?” The question was pointed, but delivered with tenderness and warmth.
He wasn’t quite sure how to answer her. He didn’t have the answer himself. How do you love someone with everything you have without losing yourself in the process? John only knew that the strength to trust love again had to come from inside, and Aeryn was just beginning to find it.
“Don’t live for me, Aeryn. Just love me. Let me love you, when you’re ready. Why is that so impossible?”
Why, indeed, was that so impossible? Because fate wouldn’t allow it? She looked away from him, towards the vast expanse of space that surrounded them. She spotted a central, bright star that held its planets in alignment around it. Still not looking at him, she whispered, “You are a dreamer, John Crichton.”
John didn’t take his eyes from her. He didn’t need to look up at that star. When she turned again to look in his eyes, she was smiling, softly. Her voice held no fear in it when she spoke.
“And so, it would seem, is Aeryn Sun.”
