Ok, I don't really have that much else to say, other than I'm really looking forward to my birthday. I'll have to make sure that I pick up one of those disposable cameras to take with us and actually remember to take some pictures. I hope the weather's nice, that'd make a hell of a lot of a difference. I really, really, really need to unwind right now, its all getting too much for me. I don't know how much more I can take. I know its only three more nights here before I'm home but it seems like its a year away. I can't believe that I'm about to turn 23. Not exactly a significant age but its a third of my life. That's scary. Exactly what have I achieved throughout these previous 23 years? Nothing. I've just coasted along, never really aspiring to be anything or using any of my ability to its fullest potential. That's pretty depressing and at any other time I'd be really moaning about that but I'm just so tired, I haven't got the energy at the moment. It just drags, and drags, and drags, and drags. I'm worn down. Completely worn down. This country...
I've got work to do tonight and I just keep putting it off. At any other time I'd be going "well, planning lessons isn't that fun really but I have to do it and the children's education shouldn't be impeded by my general crapness" but its not like these lessons are for tomorrow, or next week, they're for May. May! And they have to be done now. I'm fed up with it all. I love teaching, I enjoy it, I think I'm pretty good at it but at the end of the day I am so drained that I can't bring any enthusiasm forwards.
On a plus note, we have to do a presentation for Education Studies at the end of April and OFSTED are in inspecting the Uni that week and I've already planned my "I hate OFSTED" T-shirt. I have to get a copy of "There's only one F in OFSTED" for the back of the shirt. Maybe I should get a few mores shirts done too - I could get the JYD "The Showboat" T-Shirt printed up, although I have to find the right picture of a skull for the front. A possibility.
Just been searching the old InformationSuperCyclePath and came across this thing called Live Journal. Interesting. Strange, but interesting. Its kind of like what I'm doing here but the entries are more regular and shorter. I did a random search and came across a Journal of some girl who, well, makes a lot of sense and her displays of ambiguous feelings make me feel less stupid for when I do it. Left a really stupid message on her page, trying to sound positive but as always I just ended up rambling. I need things like that on the internet to keep me occupied you know, I can't spend all my time Googlewhacking. I hate Tuesdays. I've pretty much exhausted everything I can do and the new issue of the Onion doesn't come up until Wednesdays. I think I'll go back and check this girl's site in the future, you never know, maybe I'll find some pearls of wisdom on there to help me think things through.
Date: 14th April 2004
Well, its certainly been a while since I've been up here what with me being back in Blackburn and all but I have a few moments to spare so I may as well make use of them you know. Had all kinds of problems with importing pictures here so the thing I'm working on at the moment for the page will have to wait. So, my birthday rocked, got some good presents but without being too much of a sap the best present was seeing people again. Vomiticious or what? I mean it though, I seriously am cracking up in Chesterfield and this break is exactly what I need.
So then John, what exactly has happened whilst you've been back? Erm, a lot really. Most of which won't be going up for a while, I need to dwell on it, get all maudlin and depressed and then it'll come up and it might even make some entertaining reading at some point. Lets just say that some pretty major stuff has happened and we'll leave it at that. Too cryptic, even for me? Yeah. But TS.
Dan's party the other night was excellent, I had a really good time and met some pretty damn cool people. The two major surprises of the night for me though were Katie and Mel. I've never really spoken to Katie, I've always kind of hated her on the basis that she's good-looking, which is just as bad as hating ugly people really but I actually talked to her at the party and she's really nice. Amazing! I'd built her up to be some kind of mega-bitch in my mind but she wasn't at all. I like to be proved wrong like that. After all, when Cat was round the other night (the blond goth I mentioned ages ago) I liked her too! She was laid back, funny, insulting - brilliant! OK, she still seemed to talk about her tits a bit too much. Not literally her tits, but the fact that "ooh I'm a girl etc." you know? Am I making any sense? Do I care? Are rhetorical questions really the way to go? Is a computer games magazine the right place for a poetry reading? Why did Andreas Katsulas kill Dr. Richard Kimble's wife? How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? I'm just taking the piss now. So where was I? Oh yeah, the party, Katie, tangent, Mel. Mel. That's where I am. Mel is Wiggy's sister and I don't think I'm alone in saying that she should hang out with us more, although I'm sure that prospect doesn't appeal to her too much, because, well, she's cool. She was amiable, nice, and all that but she definitely had that air of coolness about her. Like Rakesh from school. Just effortlessly cool. And I think we need more cool people in the Massive, I'm tired of shouldering that burden alone. There were also other people at the party and, for the first time in my life, I played Twister. Ouch. Why do people always go "Twister, ooh, ey, nudge nudge wink wink" when it should quite clearly be "Twister?! Oooh! Ow! Madness!" but it was still pretty funny despite the agony. There was also a mammoth game of poker going on of which I was a part for 3 hours before I got bored and gave up. Much alcohol was consumed, plenty of porn was watched and Dan exercised more that night than in the whole previous week. I had an excellent time, despite running out of fags. At one point I was feeling pretty damn old though. There was a 17 year old there. He started Pleckgate the year after I left! Aaargh! I'm geting too old for this shit. Enough for now. Give me another week and this'll be full of excellent bollocks.
Oh yeah, Planet Rock is the greatest radio station of all time.
Date: 17th March 2004
OK, I was going to go in depth into stuff but now I'm not. It was just...nothing. I was fibbing. Ignore it. Anyway, I'm running out of room so onto the next page please.