DURING the massacre that took place several years ago in Boulder, Colorado, a teenage girl was killed simply because she acknowledged that she was a Christian. There is a story behind this killing that gives it all more meaning. Before this incident she had been a troubled and rebellious girl headed for serious trouble. When her mother saw what was happening to her daughter she made a determination to save her. She grounded her, took away all privileges, and separated her from the crowd she had been running with. The girl exploded in anger. She became rude, hateful, confrontational, and mean, but the mother stood her ground because she loved her daughter. Doing what needs doing when it is hard, that is what you call tough love. For weeks the girl would not communicate. She stayed angry. And her mother still would not budge. The grounding and restrictions continued for months and gradually the girl began to come out of her anger and isolation. In time she went to her mother and said, "Mom, I love you so very much. Thank you for fighting for me. I know that I have been wrong, but I didn't have the strength or courage to stop. Mom, I needed you to fight for me. I needed you to stand up to my rebellion. I needed tough love. Thank you for loving me." That girl started going to church with her mother and made a commitment to be a Christian. It was not long afterward that she had developed enough character to face a killer and declare, "I am a Christian." I am sure that that mother grieved much at the loss of this daughter, but I am equally sure that that mother was proud of the daughter that tough love had shaped and formed.

Parents love your children enough to not compromise with the world and sin.

Sometimes I am appalled at accounts of parental delinquency I read in the newspaper, like the mother that hired a male stripper for her teenaged daughter's birthday party. Or the parents that throw parties for their teenagers and supply the alcohol, because they think it is better to have them drinking at home instead of away from home. Or parents that reserve motel rooms for their kids for graduation night. Parents that send their children off to school dances knowing full well the sensuality of the dances. Parents like this are themselves immoral and irresponsible. This is not how you love your children.

Christian parents should practice what they preach, and they should require of their children the same moral standard that they require of themselves. I cannot say to my child, "I don't smoke, but here is a cigarette for you." I cannot say, "I don't drink, but I will take you to the tavern." As long as my children are in my care, under my roof, I am obligated to require a moral standard from them even if they are not committed to Christ. I cannot allow them to miss church in order to attend some worldly function.

I cannot compromise with my children as part of a bargain to get them to go to church. Letting our children take liberties to mollify or appease them is always a mistake. Allowing your children to do what you would not do is an inconsistency that will be noticed by your children and cause you to lose their respect. Don't blame your children for caving in to peer pressure if you cave in to child pressure.

I cannot compromise my obligation to God and help my children by so doing. What I can do is try my very best to compensate them for any sacrifices they make. I can do my best to make Christianity a wonderful experience for them. Remember, enforcement of rules is much easier if there is a good, close, and loving relationship between parent and child.

Some of the above illustrations may not seem applicable. They may sound extreme, but I mention them to establish a principle, i.e., that children must have restrictions and limits, and these must be enforced.

Our children are our treasures. We must protect them, guide them, and above all love them. Give your children plenty of affection and demonstrative love. Lots of hugs and kisses. Lots of kind words.

Love is not compromising with your child when they want to do wrong. Love is not negotiating the standards of holiness. Love, sometimes, has to be tough love, tough enough, deep enough, responsible enough to say "no" when it hurts to say it.