As we waited and prepared for the funeral I thought I would die at times from the pain I felt growing from within. Many people started flowing in over the next couple of days with food. My parents had *nine children* with one whom passed away at the age of four months, *Doris Jean*, then six boys inbetween my oldest sister and myself. Also was *twenty-one grandchildren* and *thirty-eight great-grandchildren*.
. . .Whoever says you need to be alone when someone passes away has no idea of the pain that comes from the loss of a loved one or close friend. Through the experiences I have dealt with from the loss of a loved one, the more people you are around the easier it is to accept. There is a time for everything under the sun and one of the hardest times in our lifes is to loose a parent, a child, or grandchild, or anyone who we are close too. It is a good healing for the soul to be around loved ones and family during the loss of a loved one. Believe me the time will come when you are all alone and then the emptiness sets back in with vengance. But, remember, healing will also come in time. God has a reason and purpose for everything in each our lifes that touch our very soul. I found with the family all being together their came much bonding and unity. I could see then what mother seen in having such a large family when everyone started pouring in, the strength and love of family goes beyond words. The hardest thing I ever had to do was view my mother at the mortuary laying on a cold slab with her head laying in some kind of brick looking thing, so I guessed a person could fix her hair. In which my (daughter) Carrie and two church sisters we're their to help in fixing mama's hair.
Day of the funeral had arived with much aching and nawing pain from within. Not knowing if I would make it through the funeral I became very nervous and felt as if I would get sick. Finally we're on ur way to the church *Apostolic Faith Tabernacle* with my brother and his (daughter) Allie. Once sit down in the front row pew my mother would of been proud of my (cousin) Elma, her neice. Elma, is who I had read the *Urology* about my mother. I don't know what I would of done without her help in this area, she knew her aunt Mildred' very well over the many years and yesteryears gone by. By now I was feeling as if I would faint or even die from my insides truning with sorrow. So' I started praying silently "Lord, here I am" I need your strength to make it threw this day. Immedieately when we started singing my strength, peace, and joy, came from the Holy Ghost. For the very fact that He is the Comforter means that He will sooth us in distress and sorrows; and ease the misery of our grief; and bring consolation and hope; giving us aid in the time of trouble; encouraging us. I felt at peace and a calming filled my inner soul with joy. I recalled' a Scripture at this time. . ."Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted". What a refreshing and joy that filled my soul.
God is always there and always. . .right on time. When I needed hime most he was there in the mist of my pain and sorrow.
The time came to leave the church as we followed a long line of cars to the gravesite. I never knew so many people we're their until I seen everyone leaving the church. Mother had touched a growing number of people throughout her life. And she would be missed from a multitude of those she left behind. It was hard walking away from the church without mama beisde my side. I have to say' without the church and God and His chosen Pastor; I don't think I would of made it through this trying time in my life. It's strength was so uplifting even though my heart was breaking. Our Pastor' gave me much support threw every day and spoke highly of mother during the funeral services and shared with everyone who was there about the day mother was baptized at the age of *87* and how she had prepared for this day! I rejoice within my heart mother you reached Jesus' standing at the gates, just as I know God had prepared the road for this day. Now I need your strength to walk on down the road to my journeys end. The hardest thing I ever had to do was turn and walk away to leave your grave that day. The next day when I awoke the roses we're all in bloom and I felt yur presence as if speaking to me, letting me know you we're at home with the Lord now, and that you we're at rest.
