One must also reflect on the possibilities of B turning the situation around on A. Would A retaliate and say "No, of course not! I don't have a bit of a problem with the way things are progressing! If you don't feel the need to bugger off, neither do I!! I didn't suggest it, afterall. Why on earth would you assume for me that I wanted you to sod off for a bit? How very heart-breaking that you understand so little about me and believe I understand so little about you. Here I have tried to pour out my soul to you, and you've shoved me off because the going got a little tough!" Should B, in this scenario, feel guilty that they tried to impose their own behaviour on A instead of being honest about their need to stand back and take a look at their own life situation?
A third possibility is that B is avoidant, even more so than A. The problem with B, though, is that B avoids so very long that B is absolutely -enraged- by the time they break down to the point of self-examination. So much so that everyone becomes the enemy, including B themself. How on earth is B to work around these feelings with no one to help them? B always triest to help others with their problems when B sees their loved ones suffering. B doesn't do the most marvelous job of it sometimes... But B wants it to be clear that they care enough to stand by their pals.
Then, there's this to consider: Does B choose the wrong ways to show support? How very supportive is it to force yourself on someone? To butt into their thoughts and give your friend/lover a piece of -your- mind instead of aiding them in discovering their own peace of mind? No matter how gently it's done, giving someone your opinions when they're hurting isn't talking about them... It's talking about you. No matter how much they want to hear it and no matter how much light you shine into their eyes... It's still not something they realized on their own, not something they arrived at through natural channels of learning and growth... Something that's just not them.
Maybe A -is- right in this situation. Maybe B's just a paranoid little twat. Either way, B's never willing to give A's plan a try... But maybe A would be a little happier about the way the collective life progresses if B starts proving to A that A's opinions matter to B. No matter how lonely B gets without A... When A asks for space it means A needs it to. So B should "be a man" about things and take some time to learn more about themself so that they can make A happy again when next they come together.
Think about it all you Bs out there and learn to trust your As a little more by following their advice from time to time and maintaining a brief (but total) radio silence. Maybe you'll be suprised and find yourself sane after the commercial break.
(2-13-02) |
