| knew so you wouldn't change your mind and go live with someone else or stay at home with your parents where life was lots easier than the one i was living. it was so hard to be that girl who was confident and knew what she was doing and where she was going in life. so, so hard after coming out of that crazy fantasy world and all i had to help me was your beautiful, wonderful voice. you were so kind, giving me all your attention with phone calls and email and things. i still wasn't good enough for me, but i was good enough for you and that's all i ever wanted to be - good enough for someone. then you were actually here and i got your hugs and touches and smiles and I was so afraid that i might turn into a bad person and you might take all the love i had worked for away from me. i tried harder and harder and harder every day to remain a good person and become a better person. somehow i managed and you stayed with me and you loved me and that's all i ever needed for life to be perfect... but then you were unhappy and i couldn't fix it and i was afraid that it was my fault. i was afraid that i wasn't good enough anymore and i've been running scared since then... i try too hard sometimes and get so stressed out that i'm a horrible person anyway, no matter how successful i am at what i do. after realizing that, i think i then start not trying hard enough. then it just goes back the other way. it's so hard sometimes to know what's enough and what's too much... but what i do know is that i've earned your love by trying at all and you earned my love by being the number one anti-jaff. in my book, that's all it takes to make a couple happy. :) love you, plimpy! (3-15-02) |
