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Santa spilt soup on his red and white suit.
His wife thought he looked OK.
With bright green pea soup on his red and white suit,
Santa looked festive for Christmas Day.

© Frannie (Frannie516@aol.com)



























Huge Affair


Paul Bunyan wed Miss Piggy
At a quite gala affair,
Maid of honor, Miss Twiggy -
Claimed that half of Maine was there.

A tailor made lots of dough -
They didn’t care what they spent.
For six days he had to sew
Seams on their honeymoon tent.

They choose camping in the wild,
Paul couldn’t fit on a plane.
When questioned, Miss Piggy smiled,
The good bride never complained.

Bermuda would have been nice,
And so would Miami Beach,
But, despite others advice,
Such places were out of reach.

The forest suited them fine,
With no one for miles about,
When Paul swung her from a vine,
And made with his Tarzan shout.

Miss Piggy was delighted
To be treated much like Jane,
While Paul got so excited
You could hear him throughout Maine.

On their wedding night, it’s said,
The earth shook for miles around.
The pine needles on their bed
Were crushed to sap on the ground.

After that wild honeymoon,
They both lived a simple life,
Miss Piggy sleeping past noon,
And Paul proud of his big wife.

© RickMack (jotoma@bellsouth.net)



























Snow White calls Cinderella on her cell phone


"Hey Cindy, I need some advice.
Grumpy hit Dopey, not once but twice.

You have those two sisters that aren't so sweet.
How do you deal with them, and be discreet?

Well, Snow, it ain't easy is all I can say.
You don't have to deal with a stepmother that is bad on any given day.

My advice is to call DHS,
And tell them about all this mess.

Seven little men to deal with is more than you can take.
Don't be so hard on yourself, for heavens sake.

I don't know Cindy, they are OK most of the time.
I just can't handle fussing and fighting over a dime.

Snow, either stay and put up with their guff,
or pack your bags and get out with your stuff."

So, Snow packed her bags and while the guys were at work, she headed for
Cindy's place to stay a few days.

The stepsisters and their Mom weren't too thrilled with their new house guest.

Well, you can figure at the rest.
Cindy went on to marry the prince in the castle,
And Snow took her place as the housekeeper,
giving the stepsisters and their Mom a big hassle.

© Phyllis Ann (Starbird55@msn.com)























Little Red Riding Hood bumps into Batman.


She’d escaped the bad wolf,
And was still on the run,
When she met this caped goof
And kid, maybe his son.

They were wearing costumes
And masks over their eyes.
From their strange car, the fumes
Took her quite by surprise.

“What’s that stink?” she asked then,
Fingers pinching her nose.
“That’s burning aspirin,
How the batmobile goes.”

“I have to get away,”
She looked back to her rear.
“A big bad wolf just may
Be getting very near.”

“Hop in,” the big guy grinned,
The small one also smiled.
Suddenly, tires spinned,
As they raced off in style.

Aspirin added speed,
Almost like rocket fuel.
Mixed with a special weed,
The car ran really cool.

They drove to Lovers’ Lane,
A spot the two men knew.
Then it started again –
No wolf worse than these two.

© RickMack (jotoma@bellsouth.net)

























Dora Dictionary liked mulit-syllable words.
Sammy Syntax liked contractions.
They got married and produced a pair of twins.
The twins grew and got to the age they could go to school.
Mrs. Spelling, the teacher, asked for their names.
They told her that they were Verb and Adverb.

© Sharon (quailgrdn@yahoo.com)

















It doesn’t happen very often.
Give three cheers for the Christmas dolphin
For pulling Santa’s sleigh.
Reindeer were sick that day.
They had the flu and they were coughing.

© Paul (AHikingDude@aol.com)
























'Twas the night before the day before Christmas,
When all through the workshop....
All you could hear were whistles,
Seems Nancy Elf had forgotten to button her blouse.
© Tom (tomWYO@aol.com)














To the top of the mountain, I did ride,
Bareback on my horse, a blanket aside.
To meet my dear love, and moon watch, you see,
To drink of the wine, and appreciate thee.
Here alone I sit, just the horse and me,
My love couldn't make it... it wasn't to be.

© Sonee (Sonee@aol.com)























Rudolph was flying around in the sky,
in case Santa had need of his services.
Rudolph caught a bad cold on the fly,
One of those bad rhinoviruses.

When Rudolph suffers from a bad cold,
His brightly lit nose will no longer shine.
Rudolph took a wrong turn, the story is told,
Emergency landing, till skies turned fine.

Cursing his cold, on a bleak arctic island,
Nursed back to health by an attractive fawn.
‘Come back with me, to Santa’s (and my) land.’
They departed together into the bright dawn.

‘Ho ho, Rudolph. I see you have a new friend.
‘Let me welcome her into the herd.
‘She fits in here. Perhaps help she can lend,
‘She can already fly like a bird.’
© Paul (AHikingDude@aol.com)




















Goldilocks needed to take action. She was wanted for breaking and entering. The bears sent out a discription of her to the local authorities. "She was a sweet-looking girl, with a headful of golden curls. She broke in here, ate our porridge and made herself at home."

Goldilocks was on the lam. Being a blonde (and not too bright) she decided to head for town. She was spotted immediately and had to make another run for it. As she was dashing through the streets, she jumped into a nearby CVS Pharmacy and purchased a bottle of dark brown hair color, L'Oreal #4. She ran back into the woods and headed for the nearby stream where she colored her hair.

No one has ever seen Goldilocks again. You'd better lock your doors and windows. And, for heaven's sake, don't leave any porridge laying around.
© Frannie (Frannie516@aol.com)
























Rudolph made a wrong turn,
Right by Elm Street corner.
A lady saw the snow churn
Santa yelled to warn her.

Rudolph flying blindly
The others were upset.
Santa, none too kindly,
Said,"You ain't done yet!"

Rudolph's in a hurry,
He's tired, wet and cold.
Whizzing through the flurry,
Man! He's feeling old!

On the North East Corridor,
Flying through the blizzard
He wants to get to Florida
And sun to thaw his gizzard.

Santa's getting madder,
His tone of voice is skinnier
"your aim is getting badder.
You totally missed Virginier!"

But Rudolph wouldn't backtrack
Santa screams and yells,
"You're going to be a hatrack!"
Rudolph shrugged his bells.

They almost nicked an airplane,
And Santa just went mental
"You almost bagged a jet!
Owned by Continental!"

Rudolph just flew downward
He wasn't sure just now.
He landed in a barnyard
Narrowly missing a cow.

That night Rudolph retired
His nose won't glow anymore.
No longer is it required,
In Miami, close to the shore.
© Swampetta (SWAMPETTA@aol.com)






















Goldilocks dyes her hair.


Goldilocks was sick of it all -
Especially, her stupid name.
And those blonde jokes really appall
Her. She looked on her hair with shame.

She considered a severe cut,
That would leave her pretty near bald,
And she would have sheared it off, but
Then “Skin Head” she’d likely be called.

So, she decided to dye it,
But what color would suit her best.
Black, brunette, red…dare she try it?
She was too young for gray, she guessed.

What did she care what others thought?
The question was, what did she think?
To show independence, she bought
A large bottle of shocking pink.
© RickMack (jotoma@bellsouth.net)






















December Jones is a stripper,
Who works at the Poinsettia Bar.
But one night to the client’s delight,
A open door wilted her cover.
© Tom (tomWYO@aol.com)

























The dress was just velveteen,
Looked like velvet when it was seen.
It was the color of rubies,
Cut low, to show off the boobies.

He gave me a glass of wine
And said "Darling? Will you be mine?"
I jumped straight up and said "YES!"
And the Honkers slid out of the dress

He said, "You are Charming!
And you're a little Alarming."
Then his eyeballs did pop
As I adjusted my top.

I said to him, "Never you fear,
There's no silicon here!"
And we went out on the town
In my red velvet-een gown.
© Swampetta (Swampetta@aol.com)




















Chocolate jam and strawberry potatoes,
Ruby-red pickles and polka-dot tomatoes.
Mrs. Clause, oh indeed,
When you cook, do not drink the sherry.

© Tom (tomWYO@aol.com)






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Sledding

A Christmas Carol

Love Brings Feelings

When Santa Was A Boy

Snowballing


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