The "Holiday Season" is fast creeping up on us and we are starting to make those lists. You know the kind of list! What do we get for the people who really mean a lot to us all year and we want to leave an impression of how much we love them. It Ain't Easy! If we have kids and/or grandkids we will go out of the loop to please them. We like to think that we know them well enough to pick the right things. It's usually only 2 things that keep us from going too far out of the loop, Money and Reality. There are ways of getting around both. Sometimes we buy things for some of our dearest friends out of impulse. We may remember a scrap of conversation from 20 years ago and decided that it is the perfect thing to get them. And I am sure you have heard the statement, "The road to Hell is paved with good intentions." Here we are, trotting along merrily on it. Your beloved grandson has told you that he would absolutely explode with joy if he could have an Iguana as his own personal pet. You know that he is a really good kid and has always been responsible and that his parents don't really KNOW him. After all, it's only a small lizard and it's not like you have to worry about it barking. You decide that he should have his heart's desire, and off to the pet store you go. You ask to see an Iguana and a guy who resembles a lizard takes you into a room with all sorts of THINGS in it. You ask a few questions about care and feeding and the guy keeps telling you, "It's Nothing! They don't need anything special. We'll sell you everything you'll need and we'll get you a book about them. I always had iguanas since I was about 6 years old!" You believe him because you want to. It's a very ugly looking lizard but it's only about six inches long. The guy who sold him to you has offered to set up everything for a small one time fee. He calls himself a "Mercenary Herpetologist, Freelance" That sounds impressive and he does all the cage putting together and he pets the 'thing' and it acts like it's made out of plastic. You never see it move but you have noticed it's in different parts of the cage at times. Sometimes, it even blinks. All signs of life. You can hardly wait to give this fantastic gift to your grandson. And you do. Hard to tell if the earth-shattering screams are of joy or fear. Are they coming from the grandson or the parents of same? Will you ever be forgiven? By the time the little lizard, named Godzilla, has been around a few years, more than a few really. The lizard has graduated high school and is in his last year of college. He is now a very different looking creature, at least in the size category. He now has his own two room suite in your grandson's dorm. His parents have given an ultimatum. If he brings 'Godzilla' home for the summer he will have to find it it's own apartment and get a job to pay the rent. You have overheard people whispering about your mental status; "She was really starting to slip when she bought that damn lizard for him when he was only a little kid. We should have taken her to a psychiatrist that day!" And then there is the 'Animal Person'..... There is always someone you know who has surrounded themselves with animals. Cats, Dogs, Birds, and things you can't put a name to. They have been friends since you were young and dumb and you got used to some of the little quirks they display. You don't even notice it anymore when they start to show pictures of the latest litter as if they were human babies. That's just them! They are waiting for you to say something, anything that they can take as a cue. As luck would have it........? You do. Remember that time when you were talking about the boyfriend you had when you were 15? And you said; "I remember how Ralph had those beautiful 'puppy dog' eyes." You just opened the door and didn't even know it. You are having a holiday get together with your neighbors and friends and some people from work. People are giving little innocuous gifts of wine or maybe a live plant. "Bing Bong" goes the doorbell and you go and answer it. Your friend is standing there holding a puppy that looks about two months old and it's wearing a big, red bow. She waves the puppies paw at you and says, "OOHHH! Wooka dat! He wuvs his mommy. Here's you sweetums baby Walphie." Guess what? You just got the gift that keeps on giving.......and taking. You are now a less than proud puppy owner. Your (former) friend is telling all in earshot about how you really need to have something to be your companion. After all , your kids are grown and have their own families and you are all alone and need to have something to love. Everyone is gushing about "Walphie" and he is being such a puppy that he could do Hallmark Cards all by himself. You never had a dog and you never complained about being alone. You had no problems with the empty nest syndrome and you delighted in having options on what and where to go whenever you wanted to. Do you feel kinda violated? You start to plan what you will do to give "Walphie" back to his overcrowded home for wayward doggies. This can turn out two different ways; #1- You will adjust to Walphie and he will adjust to you. #2- You will give Walphie back to your friend with about 500 different reasons why you can't keep him. She won't believe any of them and will probably never fully forgive you. You may never be able to talk freely to any of the people who were present and they ask you things like; "How's the cute little puppy? Is he housebroken yet?" If you don't want a pet, don't say things like "I wish I had a ______" in front of one of your 'Animal' friends. It's one thing to love someone else's pets and quite another to bend your life around a pet of your own. If someone really wants to have a pet, they will. If they say how much they love your pet, appreciate the effort and don't offer to set one of the puppies aside for them. If they want one, they will do more than hint. Keep the Holidays Happy and keep the gifts to things that don't require more than admiration. (I have never told my kids that I prefer plastic plants, but they know I seem to kill off any other kind.) So far, the only person who has given us life forms as a 'gift' is our vet. We just got two more cats from her at our last visit with one of our other eight cats. I don't think she's trying to drum up business.........but I can't swear to that! Have a gentle Winter, and don't forget that cats and dogs can keep your heat bill down. No electric blankets in this house, but then again, an electric blanket wouldn't need a litter box. ~ © SWAMPETTA (SWAMPETTA@aol.com) ~ November 7, 2003 If you enjoyed this page, check these out: Sledding A Christmas Carol Love Brings Feelings When Santa Was A Boy Snowballing And.......for many others, click the link for HOME. Home: Writers' Corner Index