BACK		NEXT

Episode Two ? The Tragedy of Justin?s Hair

***** Team Pagong *****

?I?m so hungry.? Britney rubbed her stomach to show everyone that she was hungry when everyone wondered what to eat for breakfast.
Chyna popped out of nowhere and slapped a dead boar in front of Britney. ?Got some pork for you. I killed it with my own bare hands with the chokeslam the Undertaker taught me.? She said proudly in her man voice.
Britney passed out from the sight of blood and flies that covered the pig?s
snout. Bryan jumped out from the tent when he smelled some pork.
?Is that food I smell?? he sniffed the air and accidentally sniffed a fly up his nose.
?Everything you smell has to do with food Bryan.? Kian groaned when Bryan started to blow his nose manually.
?That happened to me when I tried to do some crack.? Justin commented on Bryan?s blowing.
?Why the hell are you talking about your drug habits on national television??
Kian yelled at Justin who started to pick at his hair with his prized comb.
Justin wasn?t paying attention to Kian so Kian picked up Britney and tossed her body inside the tent so the flies wouldn?t cover her body.
?I got it! I got it!? Robin screamed as he ran towards the group carrying a rope in his hand.
?Calm down Mrs.Doubtfire or I?ll do my hand chops to your puny little head!?
Chyna flexed her muscles at Robin who quieted down at the sight of her huge body.
?Let me see,? Bryan took the piece of paper and started to read it. ?Hey, we?re doing some rope game. It?s kinda like rock climbing but only on the ground and in a maze.?
?Did you just say rock?? Justin popped around.
?Yeah.? Bryan grunted and bit into a piece of the dead pig that Chyna brutally killed.
?What do you think of this rock?? Justin showed Bryan his diamond-encrusted ring.
Kian groaned again and slapped his forehead. ?What did I get myself into??

***** Team Taki *****

?Cool! This should be better than yesterday!? Nicky exclaimed as Shane finished reading the clue.
?Yeah! We wouldn?t have to confuse Calista with a rope!? Mark laughed at his little joke.
Christina climbed out of the tent. ?God! Not another dumb challenge!? she complained after listening to Shane from inside the tent. She stretched her arms and revealed her hairy armpits to the guys and J. Lo who was cutting some twigs with a huge butcher knife.
?Whew!? Mark plugged his nose. ?Take a bath and wash those pits of yours.?
Everyone else also waved or plugged their noses when Christina walked towards them.
?They do not smell. I got the smell from your dirty socks that I didn?t know I slept on them!? Christina screamed at Mark.
Nicky and Shane couldn?t help but cough constantly. Christina smelled really bad and even had dirt lines all over her shoulders.
?Hey bitch! Go take a damn bath! Do ya know the meaning of the word ?clean?? If not, I?m gonna rip out that perm of yours and make you look like Mr.Clean!? Jennifer got into Christina?s face and started to make those gangster signs.
Mark laughed at Christina when he saw her face grow red and he saw Nicky shudder at the sound of Jennifer?s voice.

***** Immunity Challenge *****

?I hope things are getting even more interesting at your camps.? Jeff said as the two teams climbed on their platforms.
?Jeff please! I?d rather be in a prison and have guys grope me than stand next to Moulin Ho over there!? Mark begged and got down on his knees.
?Ah ah? That?s the point of the whole Survivor game. You gotta know how to survive out there in the celebrity world!? Jeff wagged his finger at Mark. ?I see you guys have an idea about what to expect in today?s immunity challenge game. But first, I need the immunity idol back.?
?No! No! Never!? Robin screamed and clutched the Elton John statue to his body.
?Now Robin? You know the rules. If you don?t give it back, we?re going to take away your Flubber toys you brought with you here.? Jeff warned Robin who reluctantly gave the idol back.
?The object of today?s game is to make it through the rope course we have set up for you in the deep jungle. However, you will be attached to one rope by a clip and you will have to guide yourself through the maze of ropes. The first team that has all of its members complete the course wins immunity.? Jeff explained slowly so Bryan and Justin could understand the rules.
?Yo homie! What if we get lost or something?? Justin raised his hand.
?Then you?ll get eaten by the gorillas.? Jeff chuckled. Justin?s eyes grew wider.
?I?m just kidding you know,? Jeff winked mischievously. ?Team Pagong, since you have one more member than the other team, will you please decide who will sit out this challenge??
?I vote for Britney to sit out this challenge. She just told me that she had a major wedgie from all those thongs she wore today.? Bryan announced in the group huddle.
Britney blushed. ?It?s okay to have hemorrhoids, you know??
?What about last night then?? Justin exclaimed. ?Eew!?
?Britney it is!? Kian quickly said and told Jeff.

?On your mark! Get set! Go!? Jeff screamed and everyone scurried off in the maze with the rope attached to their waists.

?Help homie! I?m lost and I have a giant spider crawling in my do!? Justin?s voice screamed out from the darkness.
?I?ll crush that little pesky spider for you!? Chyna?s voice was near Justin.
Soon enough, there were sounds of ripping of hair.
?My hair! What ya doing Rupaul!? Justin wailed as Chyna clenched Justin?s curly hair in her hand.
Chyna chuckled evilly and stuffed the hair in her boobs, that is if they?re actually real. ?Another victim.? She laughed wildly.

?Hmm?. Left or right?? J. Lo thought as she came to a cross path. ?Better go left.? As soon as she ran left, she collided into Nicky.
?What the hell?? Nicky yelled at Jennifer who fell onto her bum.
?Look who?s talking you girlie face!? Jennifer pushed him away and started to run to the finish line.
Nicky stared after her flouncing ass that rolled from side to side as she ran.
?I?m on your damn team you know?? he called after her and followed her.
It wasn?t long until Shane and Mark came to the finish line, both out of breath.

?The winner of this challenge is Team Taki. Unfortunately, we have some bad news. Justin is still lost because he won?t come out. Word is that one of his own team members assaulted his hair.? Jeff said sadly. ?But anyways, here?s your idol Team Taki. Congratulations.? Jeff handed the idol to Christina.
Christina dropped it on the ground. ?Elton? Ick. Someone carry that please.?
?Meanwhile, I?ll be seeing you tonight.? Jeff told Bryan, Kian and the rest of the their team members.

***** Tribal Council *****

?Welcome to your first tribal council. This is the place where people cast their votes and talk about their experiences on the island. What are your thoughts on that?? Jeff asked Kian who sat down next to Britney and Robin.
?Not good. On the way here, we found Justin huddled up behind a tree and he was licking his diamond ring.? Kian said nervously when Justin glared at him.
?Chyna, what is your role in the group?? Jeff turned his attention to Chyna who was checking out her muscles.
?Oh? Oh yeah? I think I provide the food and power and strength and all that stuff.? She didn?t even take her eyes off her muscles.
?Britney, you?re going to vote first. Won?t you please step up to the voting booth?? Jeff pointed out the voting booth for Britney who was ripping pieces of her pants apart to make it look sexier.

***** Voting Booth Speeches *****

Britney: ?Yah well. You see, I like everyone here so it?s kinda hard to vote someone off. Actually, I don?t like Justin. He?s my ex and he keeps going through my bag and sniffing my pink thongs from the ?Slave 4 U? video. Is he going to get over us or whatever? Buh-bye Justin dear.? (blowing a kiss to the camera)

Robin: I love Elton! It?s cool that he?s gay. But does that make me gay too? Speaking of gay, I think Justin?s gay. I saw him scratching his bum with his afro pick. What?s up with that? Sorry Justin, but like your teeny bopper hit, bye bye bye!

Kian: This should be an easy one. I?m going to vote Bryan off. You may wonder why I would vote my own band mate off. The answer is, he keeps eating all of our food! Just before we left, he polished off all the chickens Chyna caught for dinner! It?s for your own good Bryan because sooner or later, we?ll all go insane and kill you!

Justin: (touches his hair and cries) I want my momma. Mommy, that Rupaul tore off my hair! Does she realize I have insurance on it? (cries again) Like they say, ?Payback?s a bitch!? Damn you Chyna!

Bryan: (stomach growls) Oof? I?m hungry. Must not think about food! I?m voting Justin off tonight. How do you spell his name? I know it begins with a ?J?. Well, he?s the only person in our team that has a name that starts with a ?J?. (scribbles down the letter)

Chyna: (laughing evilly) I?m going to sell this on eBay and make millions of dollars! Who knew that hair could be so prized? I wonder if it would be worth more if Justin was dead. (ponders about that thought). Hmm? I think I?ll keep Justin on the island longer so I could torture him. Meanwhile, I?ll vote (sniffs Justin?s locks of hair) Britney off. She?s too perky and keeps singing the Pepsi song. Does she know that I sponsor Coca-Cola?

***** Back at Tribal Council *****

?The votes have been read and whoever has the most votes has to leave Hoku Island immediately.? Jeff opened the top of the voting jar.
?Please don?t let it be me? Please don?t let it be me?.? Robin pleaded and pretended to cry.
?The first vote is Chyna.? Jeff held up the piece of paper in the air to show everyone.
Chyna stood up and glared at everyone. ?Whoever voted for me, meet me in the back of the tent when we get back to camp.? She growled then sat down.
?Second vote. Justin. Third vote. Bryan. Fourth vote. Justin,? Jeff read the votes. ?That?s two votes for Justin, one vote each for Chyna and Bryan.?
?Yay! I?m not going to be voted off!? Robin exclaimed and kissed his torch.
?Ouch! Ouch! Medic!? He burned his lips.
?The last vote?. Is America?s Biggest slut, but still a sweetheart? Britney.?
Jeff put down the last vote.
?What does that mean homie?? Justin was confused and looked around.
Jeff sighed. ?That means no more ?homies?. The tribe has spoken. Justin Timberlake, you are the second person voted off the island.? Jeff put out Justin?s torch and pointed to the backway.
?But I left my Air Jordan sneakers in the tent!? Justin protested as Chyna started to throw Justin out onto the bridge.
?Goodbye Justin,? Chyna cackled as she grabbed more of Justin?s famous afro.
?More money for me on eBay. You do really have golden locks.?
Justin started to cry as he walked down the bridge. ?Yo homies! I?m not going to put your names on the Thank-You?s for my next solo CD. Wait? why would I thank anyone??
?That leaves only one more complete idiot on the island?.? Kian muttered to himself as he saw Bryan trying to set Britney?s hair on fire.