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Episode Three ? Is Mark Bisexual?

***** Team Pagong *****

?Thank God Justin?s not here! His hair took up all the sleeping space in the tent.? Bryan yawned and scratched his belly. ?Are we having pork again for breakfast??
?No more pork. I think I caught E.coli last night.? Britney groaned and sat down at the campfire.
?You dumbass! You can?t catch E.coli from pigs! They?re from cows! Or are they?? Chyna wondered and looked down at her skillet, in which she was cooking some squirrels.
?Do we have any more water? I?m thirsty.? Britney rubbed her throat and looked around the campsite.
Bryan pointed to several jugs next to the tent. ?Over there. In the brown jug.?
Britney walked over to the jugs. ?Hmm? They?re all brown. Oh well, I?ll pick this one then.? She picked up a small brown jug and started to gulp down all the contents.
?I hope she didn?t pick the tiny one. That?s the one I took a piss in.? Bryan turned around to make sure Britney didn?t drink the one with his pee in it. Too late!
?This tastes funny. Warm?? Britney licked her lips and the rim of the jug.
?Noooo!!!!? Bryan screamed at her.
That made Britney drop the empty jug to the ground. ?What is the matter with you, you oaf??
Bryan took a look inside the jug. ?Oh my God? Oh my God?? he desperately thought and looked at Britney. She seemed fine. ?Never mind.? He quickly said and went inside the tent.
?Whatever.? Britney muttered and shrugged her shoulders. Bryan was such a big goof. A nice goof though?.

***** Team Taki *****

?Who touched my blue eyeshadow?? Christina screamed at the top of her lungs.
Mark groaned at the sound of her voice. ?Put a cork in it! Bitch?.? He muttered and rolled over to go back to sleep. Then all of sudden, he felt Christina grab him by the ankles and dragged him outside the tent. ?What the hell?? he yelled at her.
?You used my eyeshadow! Don?t you realize I paid 55 bucks for that! You bisexual loser!? Christina grabbed the collars of Mark?s shirt.
?I?m a guy! Why would I use your crappy and ugly eyeshadow?? Mark pulled her hands off him.
Christina crossed her arms and smirked. ?Maybe because you have some on! No wonder you?re so bisexual!?
Mark stared at her in surprise. ?For the last time! I? am?.not?bi!?
He heard Nicky and Shane giggling from inside the tent. ?Something?s going on.?
Mark wondered and touched the lids of his eyes. When he saw his fingers, there were traces of shimmery blue powder on them.
?You pottyheads!? Mark screamed at Nicky and Shane who immediately zipped up the tent to prevent Mark from coming inside.
?Hey! Cut the crap!? J. Lo yelled at everyone when she came back from the mailbox with a letter in her hand. ?We?re doing our immunity challenge today. This time, it?s all about trivia.?
?Uh-oh?.? Christina gulped. ?I failed high school.?
?Who cares if you failed or not Poodle Head?? J. Lo retorted and hopped inside the tent to get ready for the challenge.
?We gotta get her out.? Shane whispered to Nicky.
?Who?? Nicky asked in a low voice.
?Big Ass over there.? Shane hissed and pointed to the heart-shaped bum of Jennifer?s who was rubbing oil on her boobs.
Nicky stared at them. ?Man, I would like a piece of that.? He thought as Jennifer slapped the tanning oil on. He turned to Shane. ?But she?s the only decent looking woman on this island.?
Shane sighed. ?Hello, we?re in for the money! We spent all of our money on our stage, so we need so cash. Moola. Dough. Get the point?? Shane slapped the back of Nicky?s head.

***** Immunity Challenge *****

?Welcome back!? Jeff greeted everyone as they settled into their seats. ?Today?s challenge will test your knowledge and your communication skills. The questions are about each tribe member on this island, regardless of the teams.?
?This is not good?.? Bryan shook his head.
?Each person has been selected in random order. I will ask you a question and you have 15 seconds to answer it. If you get it wrong, you?re out of the game. However, if you do get it right, you still remain in the game. The last person remaining wins the idol for his or her own team.? Jeff explained the rules to everyone ? again slowly.
?This is still not good. I don?t got much up there.? Bryan rapped his head.
?The first person to answer a question is?.. Mark!? Jeff announced after drawing Mark?s name.
?Let me have it!? Mark waited for his question.
Jeff picked up a card. ?Which member of the tribe Taki got a number one hit with her song ?Genie in a Bottle???
Mark groaned. ?You just had to do that? Huh? I?m never coming back on a Celebrity Survivor again!?
?Is that your final answer?? Jeff looked at him.
?No?. I?m not going to say that ho?s name, so I guess I?m out of the game!? Mark sulked off to the losers? bench.
?Next up?. Is Bryan!? Jeff drew another name. ?Your question Bryan is ?Which person has his or her own name named after a country??? Jeff asked Bryan.
Bryan thought for a while. ?Hmm?. Couldn?t be me for sure,? Bryan looked around the place to see which person it could possibly be. ?Jeff, I?m going to go with Shane. It sounds like a country.?
Jeff nodded his head. ?I see? Well, I?m sorry. Your answer is incorrect. It?s Chyna.?
At the end of the whole game, Nicky was the only person who actually answered a question correctly. He answered a true and false question correctly about J. Lo having collagen injected in her butt cheeks.

?This means that Pagong will be going back to Tribal Council tonight. Meanwhile, Taki, you can take the idol back home again.? Jeff handed the idol to Shane.
?Keep that away from me!? Christina eeked when Shane held it up high in the air. ?I have a fear of homosexuals. No wonder I get epileptic shocks whenever I?m near the Bisexual Guy!?
Mark couldn?t take it anymore. He picked up a large branch and hurled it at Christina. It didn?t work though. The massive poodle hair protected Christina from harm.
?I?m so feckin? tired of your bullshit! I?d rather eat Nicky?s diarrhea poo than touch you!? Mark screamed at Christina who was struggling to pull the branch out of her hair.

***** Tribal Council *****

?I think if this whole competition was based on brains, you?d be here every night.? Jeff scolded the entire Pagong Tribe.
? But I didn?t know that the colours of Pepsi were red, blue and white!? Britney wailed.
?You know what? Let?s get right to the voting. You guys are starting to piss me off!? Jeff yelled at everyone who quickly shut up. ?Kian, you?re up first.?

***** Voting Booth Speeches *****

Kian: ?This is actually a difficult vote for me this week. Being the only sane person on this tribe, I have no choice but to vote for Britney. She holds everyone back at the challenges. In fact, she has to sling her huge boobs over her shoulders so they wouldn?t jostle in her face. So Britney, the only money you?re gonna get is from Pepsi and your sex driven CDs!?

Britney: ?I?m voting for Robin this week. I?m not sure why, but Chyna and I have an alliance, being the only women on our tribe. During the trivia challenge, he actually tried to honk my boob when he had to say if it was real or not. I found it quite offending and I think you?re a pervert.?

Bryan: ?I can?t remember who I was voting for this week. (thinks hard) Hmm?. I think the punches from the So Solid Crew has gotten to my brain. That was one hell of a night! (laughs like a drunk person) I suppose I could vote for Robin. I don?t understand a word coming from his mouth and what?s with all the impressions he?s doing. They?re not so funny as my Austin Powers impression that Kerry fell for on our first date. Shagadellic baby!!

Chyna: ?Who?s the man? (growls) Who?s the man? (hits her firm chest) Chyna here is gonna make this short and sweet. Mr.Egan, after that comment about me actually being a man is gonna pay off. Your head is on the chopping block and I?ll damn make sure that you get what you deserve (growls and flexes her muscles).

***** Back at Tribal Council *****

?The votes have been read and counted. Whoever has the most votes will be the third person voted off the island,? Jeff opened up the voting jar and read the first vote.
?Thank you Lord. Thank you Lord,? Jeff prayed and looked up at the sky. ?First vote is Robin.?
Everyone, even Robin cheered.
?What did I do that for?? Robin looked around. ?Does that mean I am the most liked person in this tribe??
?Yes Robin. It means that you?re the most liked person on the tribe. They like you so much that they voted you off.? Jeff said sarcastically to Robin.
?Oh cool.? Robin beamed and jiggled his legs.
?Second vote is Britney. Not a surprise.? Jeff took out another paper. ?Third vote is Kian.?
?Someone voted me?? The veins in Kian?s forehead started to turn purple and Kian fumed.
?The next person to be voted off the island?..? Jeff picked out the last piece of paper. ?Is?. Thank you so much Lord. I promise I won?t wear my Survivor garb out in public anymore! Is Robin Williams.? Jeff got down on his knees and kissed the ground.
?Yay! I?m the most liked person in this tribe! What do I win?? Robin jumped up and danced.
?Hand me your torch and I will show you what you won.? Jeff beckoned for the torch.
When Robin handed the torch to him, Jeff stuck it up Robin?s ass. ?You win the award for being the biggest pain in the ass!? Jeff screamed at Robin and shoved Robin down the bridge.
?That hurts.? Robin cried and dragged himself off the island with a torch up his ass.
?Folks, you can go back to your campsite. Tomorrow?s a brand new day. At least for you guys. This whole celebrity Survivor idea was a huge mistake.? Jeff groaned.