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Episode Four ? The Downside to Breast Implants

***** Team Taki *****

?Oh God Shane! You stink!? Christina screamed at Shane as soon as he approached her.
?I do not!? Shane yelled back as his cheeks turned red.
Mark?s head popped out from the tent. ?You do Shane. I?m agreeing with Moulin Ho over there. Instead of tan lines, you have dirt lines!?
Shane blushed even more. ?Fine. I?ll take a bath if it makes you happy!?
Nicky looked up from the campfire. ?I?ll come with you.? He said cheekily and skipped along with Shane to the lake.

?Oh?. This feels so good. Wash my back won?t you?? Shane moaned as Nicky soaped him.
?Uh?.? Nicky started to hesitate as soon as he saw the hairy mound on Shane?s back. It was even hairier than two Austin Powers combined.
Shane turned around and saw a red-faced Nicky trying to figure out where to put the loofah without having his hand trapped in the hair. ?I?ll do it myself Nicky.? Shane grabbed the loofah out of Nicky?s hand and started to scrub the back of his neck.
Nicky looked up at the sky. It was turning black and the storm clouds were rolling in. ?Wow! There?s a huge storm coming in. We better hurry up and move all of our designer duds inside the tent and kick out Christina?s porn outfits to make way for us.?
Shane looked up at the same direction. ?It?s just a little bitty storm. It?s not going to hurt us, ya know?? He laughed and continued to suds himself.

~ ~ ~ ~ The sound of thunder can be heard ~ ~ ~ ~

?Come on Shane! You?re going to get struck by lightning! You even have nipple rings!? Nicky pleaded and tried to drag Shane out of the water.
Shane looked down at his chest. ?I do?? He started to rub his chest. ?But I can?t even feel them! I have too much hair!?
?Do what you want. I?m getting out of here. I?m not going to drown. You know I can?t swim.? Nicky held his arms up and backed out of the water.
?La, dee, do, da. La, dee, do, da.? Shane hummed as he scrubbed his chest.

~ ~ ~ ~ Lightning strikes ~ ~ ~ ~

?AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!? Shane screamed before being blown out of the water onto the beach.

**** Meanwhile, inside the tent *****

?What was that?? Christina said as she teased her hair. ?Did someone scream??
Mark grunted. ?I dunno. Pass me your eyeshadow won?t you??
Christina giggled. ?I?m so glad that you admitted you?re bisexual.? She said and passed him the eyeshadow
?Help! Help!? Nicky heard Shane scream for help. ?It?s Shane!? Nicky yelled inside the tent and everyone scrambled outside to help him, except for Mark and Christina who put makeup on each other.

***** A few minutes later *****

?Green or silver?? Mark asked Christina as he took out two different eyeshadows.
Christina peered at Mark?s deep blue eyes. ?Silver. It makes you look more horny.?
Mark giggled. ?Okay.? He tossed away the green and started to apply the silver on his eyelids.
?Shane, go lie down over there.? Mark and Christina heard J. Lo say to Shane after they came inside the tent.
Christina turned her head around and gasped.
?Shit! No! AAAHHH!!!! It?s Kenny Rogers!? She screamed and passed out, mirror still in her hand.
Shane came inside the tent with his chest hair all white, which made him look like an Abdominal Snowman.
?Jesus!? Mark exclaimed after seeing Shane frozen stiff.
?Mark, why are you wearing eyeshadow?? Nicky peered at Mark after Shane struggled to lie down, still stiff from the lightning strike.
Mark stuffed the eyeshadow case under his pillow. ?Am not. It?s a beauty cream that makes my eyes look younger and not wrinkly like Shane?s forehead.? He lied.
J. Lo scoffed. ?Stop acting like a homosexual for fuck?s sake Mark!? she screamed at him before slapping Christina? face to wake her up.

***** Team Pagong *****

?Which one of you assholes took my damn gel?? Kian screamed at Britney, Bryan and Chyna as he held an empty case of L?Oreal gel over his head.
?I swear over Justin?s hair that I didn?t take it,? Britney vowed. ?Wait, why am I still hung over Justin? He even shaved his hair??
?My hair?s fake anyway, so why in the hell would I use your gay gel?? Chyna said in a deep voice and towered over Kian.
Kian gulped and stared right at her chest, which met him at eye-level. ?Uh? Okay,? He stuttured. Then he looked at Bryan and screamed at him, ?You nincompoop! You took my feckin? gel!?
Bryan stood on his tiptoes. ?I needed something to eat,? He innocently said and looked down at the toes. ?Cos I ate all the fruit.?
Kian angrily threw the empty case of gel down on the ground and stormed over to Bryan and took a swing at him.
?Westlife Smackdown!!!? Britney hooted and pumped her fists in the air.
Chyna quickly changed into her referee outfit. ?I?ll be the ref,? She approached the two Westlife members. ?No low blows unless it?s for good purposes.? Chyna said to both Kian and Bryan.

***** Bryan and Kian grapple and roll over each other on the sand *****

Finally after kicking Kian down below the belt and making him fall to his knees, Bryan kicked him to the ground and covered him.
Chyna immediately dropped to the ground and started to put on the three count. ?One? Two?. Three?.?
?I win!? Bryan screamed as Kian groaned on the ground, still feeling the after effects of having his nuts pulverized.
?That?s why you don?t mess with me! Take that So Solid Crew!? Bryan flexed his muscles and Chyna lifted up his arm to declare him as the winner.

***** Immunity Challenge *****

?Welcome back everyone!? Jeff praised the tribes. ?Good news for you! Today?s immunity challenge will be so simple that I don?t even need to explain the rules.?
?Really?? Bryan asked and cheered. ?I won?t even need to ask anyone for directions??
Jeff shook his head evilly. ?Nope. And we?re going to start right now. So everyone line up at the starting line please.?
Mark looked at Jeff with a suspicious look in his eye. ?What?s the catch??
Jeff fidgeted with his stupid khaki Australian hat. ?No catch.? He stammered.
?Can we just get on with this? I?m planning to give myself a manicure later!? Christina impatiently said as she looked at her almost dirty nails.
?Everyone, run to the finish line over there!? Jeff screamed and shouted, ?Go!?

As soon as Jeff said ?Go?, everyone scrambled to run for the finish line.
Little did they know that the Survivor production crew had installed booby traps along the stretch of sand leading to the finish line.
?I?m in first place!? Nicky joyfully yelled as he ran down the beach. All of sudden, a saw blade appeared from beneath him. ?Shite!? he cursed and immediately braked to a stop and jumped over it, nearly nicking his toes as he jumped over the whirring blade.
A fire pit prevented Christina from running and parts of her wig melted, making her cry. ?Now I owe money to Shakira for my hair! My last CD bombed and I don?t have any money!? she wailed as her singed hair fell to the ground.
?Kian! Help!? Britney gasped for air as she ran slowly. Her gigantic boobs made her run slower since they were jostling in her face, making it hard for her to see. Britney ran so slow that it looked like she belonged in the Baywatch commercials where the girls run down the beach in slow motion.
Kian groaned in annoyance and turned around to help her. He grabbed Britney?s boobs out of her ripped shirt and flung them over her shoulder. ?Come on!? he encouraged her and started to run to the finish line with her behind him.
?Thanks! I needed that!? Britney was relieved she could run now.
All of the tribe members made it through the booby traps to the finish line, except for Shane who was still waddling over the snake pit. Apparently, he was still stiff after being struck by lightning.
Ignoring Shane, Jeff tossed the idol, Elton John, to Kian since everyone on his tribe completed the race. Turning to Team Taki, ?Looks like I?ll see ya tonight losers!? Jeff cackled and jumped into his helicopter to go back to his luxurious hotel, leaving the tortured and bruised Survivors stranded on the island.

***** Tribal Council ***** ?Shane, Christina is actually right for a change. You do look like Kenny Rogers.? Jeff pointed and laughed at Shane.
?Err?.? Shane groaned and tried to give him the middle finger, but couldn?t lift his arm, which made Jeff laugh even harder.
?This episode is going to be a short one so we can promote the Ford commercials, so J. Lo, get off your ass and vote now!? Jeff demanded and let out a frustrated sigh. ?What a bunch of slow people!?

***** Voting booth speeches *****

J. Lo: ?Nicky and I decided to form an alliance. I got Nicky to do whatever I want after I said that Shane only wanted Nicky on the island to get some booty and now Nicky?s going to vote him off. Besides, we don?t want a Kenny Rogers look-a-like staring into our faces every day. So, Shane, my ass says you gotta go . Looks like Nicky likes my booty a lot betta than your hairy white ass Shane! ?

Christina: ?Even though Bisexual Guy and I are now talking, I still don?t like him. He pickpocketed my M.A.C. lipsticks and do you know how much it costs to buy that, now that my hair is just as bad as Shane?s pubic hair! Common interests or not, I don?t wanna share! Bisexual guy, you?re better off in a gay club with Kian than on this island with your confusing sexual identity, and by the way, you owe me 35 bucks!?

Mark: ?To the fans sending the banners over the island, I am not a potato head! Stop harassing me! I?d rather f*ck Moulin Ho than listen to being called a damn f*cking potato head! My vote?s going to Shane tonight. He?s so stiff that he won?t be able to f*ck anyone so he needs medical help and I don?t want our careers to go down the f*cking drain. Tabloids make us stay in the limelight and if Shane can?t sleep with a b*tch, we?re finished! Kaput! Done!?

Nicky: ?Uh?. Um?. I can?t believe this. I?m doing this to my own sleeping partner on Schnicky nights. Okay? Uh? I was told by a reliable source that Shane only wants someone to ease his sexual desires. That hurts my feelings! I thought he loved me! So, take that you bastard! I?ll show you what I?m made of! ?

***** Back at Tribal Council *****

Jeff took out the voting jar and started to read the votes quickly. ?Okay, okay?.? He reached inside the jar and took out a slip of paper. ?Let me have a little look see here?. Ah, one vote for Mr.Kenny Rogers.?
?Fu?ck?.. You?..? Shane groaned and stuck out his tongue before realizing he couldn?t bring it back inside his mouth.
?Too bad.? Jeff laughed. ?Another vote for Shane. It?s my lucky day today.?
Jeff laughed. ?Na na na na na Shane!? He taunted Shane, holding the slip of paper in front of Shane?s face.
?Fu?ck?? Shane struggled to speak and coughed.
Jeff reached inside the jar and took out another slip. ?Bisexual Guy has a vote. So that?s two votes for Shane and one vote for Mark.?
?What????? Mark imitated Christina?s shrill voice. ?I have a vote??
Jeff rolled his eyes. ?Yes, you do and it?s okay to be bisexual you know. That way if you get turned down by the ladies, you always have the guys.?
Mark immediately turned red and he could see Nicky inching closer to him.
?Get the hell away from me!? Mark yelled and pushed Nicky off his log seat.
?Last vote?. Is Kenny Rogers!? Jeff pulled out the last slip of paper. ?Shane Filan, Feelan, or however the hell you pronounce your last name, you are the 4th person to be voted off the island.? Jeff extinguished Shane?s torch.
?It?s File-an.? Shane slowly spoke as the paramedics carried him out to the walkway.
?I thought it was Fee-lan.? Nicky was confused.
?No. It?s Fee-I-Lan.? Mark objected.
Jeff rolled his eyes again. ?Would you losers go back to your damn camp! I don?t ever want to see you here at Tribal Council again!? He screamed at everyone.