| More Thoughts to be DECYFERED! |
| The August to Early September Entry School started August 11th. Fun fun fun! I thought I was going to commit suicide the whole first week. I think if I wasn't on Paxil, I would have killed myself and I wouldn't even know why. I think out of fear, or possibly out of simply enjoyment to rid myself of this place called "My So Called Life". How cliche' of me! Isn't life just that? One big fucking cliche'! Currently it is September and I've been through one crush after another. One person after another. Sex after sex. Russell Chaney--I'm over him. Steven Hudson--He has to admit his homosexuality first. Stephen De Los Santos--He has to be Gay. Seth Roberts--Hot stuff. Who cares if he's gay or not, I can fantasize about him. He's so incredibly handsome and disturbed. |
| Today is September 5th! "Brain Dead" Confusion is a state of mind Nobody understands all the signs All the signals that don't make any sense All the voices bound together by a fence Can I make them pay a fee For everytime they turn away from me? If I am gone, would it matter? Your ignorance would only get fatter Like a spoiled child enjoying a cuisine Like a heroin addict getting morphine Confusion is a state of mind A mind that I would be content to leave behind. |
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| If you would like to go to the entries from the beginning, click HERE |
| Sunday, September 28, 2003 I thought I was really over Russell when I said I was over him, but it turned out I wasn't. I'm sick of his bullshit seriously now. I wanted to really kiss him before, but now it's like, whatever. The dude doesn't know shit about what's he's doing in life. He's all about attention. There's more people in the world that need attention than him! DAMNIT! While on the topic of drama . . . Becky Wippich needs to get her act straightened out. She's fucking using her own boyfriend for sex and she can't even handle people criticizing her for it. Get the picture Becky, everybody knows what you're doing and they're not doing it all from observation, they're doing it from what you tell them. I really think she needs to review how she feels about people. My newest crush *BRAD KEMP*. If you see him, you would be like, oh emmm..yea..he has red hair and he's tall and he has big feet and he's sarcastic and he's an artist and he's fun!!! Aleast, my school year is going better... |
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| October 1, 2003 I think I am reaching the point of realizing this world is 1/2-3/4 full of shit. I wish people would open a big on abstract and stare and stare, until an idea comes. People want realism and hard edges and everything SEEN for them. It's bullshit, in my sweet, humble opinion >_<. I don't even know if I want to live anymore. I started self-humilating again yesterday. I don't want sympathy for it, it was of my own doing. I did it on purpose. I needed to feel. I needed to feel something other than hell. *WAH ME* I need some food. and notecards. Great Combo?! ANOTHER NEW CRUSH : Barton Horne. He really isn't a new crush, he's just the newest crush I wanted to add to my site. |