| IN THE NEWS |
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| The following were sent to me via e-mail from my friend Ian, (click here for more info). You may have read them before, and they may not be true...but they made me laugh!! Commenting on a complaint from a Mr Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said, "We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible that Mr Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (From The Daily Telegraph) Police reveal that a woman arrested for shoplifting had a whole salami in her knickers. When asked why she said it was because she was missing her Italian boyfriend. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (From The Manchester Evening News) Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It's a special branch vehicle and they don't want the public to know what it looks like. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (From The Guardian) After being charged £20 for a £10 overdraft, 30 year old Michael Howard of Leeds changed his name by deed poll to 'Yorkshire Bank PLC are Fasciist Bastards'. The bank has now asked him to close his account, and Mr Bastards has aked them to repay the 69p balance, by cheque, made out to his new name. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (From The Guardian) A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coastguard spokesman commented, "This sort of thing is all too common!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (From The Times) At the height of the gale, the harbourmaster radioed a coastguard on the spot and asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied that he was sorry but he didn't have a guage. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (From The Aberdeen Evening Express) Mrs Irene Graham, of Thorpe Avenue, Boscombe, delighted the audience with her reminoscence of the German prisoner of war who was sent each week to do her garden. He was repatriated at the end of 1945, she recalled. "He'd always seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the crocuses came up in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelt out 'Heil Hitler'" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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