|WOMEN SURVIVORS OF CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE
|Welcome to my website of HOPE! Congratulations for taking this courageous step in your recovery. No matter how traumatic your sexual abuse has been in the past, no matter how much overwhelming shame and guilt you have tried so desperately to hide, no matter how much anger you have repressed, and no matter how self-destructive your behavior has been, you too can feel a sense of peace within on a daily basis and learn how to nurture an undying trust in yourself. Granted, this will take a commitment and a lot of active work on your part, but I can help guide you through the process, and it can happen for you!
I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse by my older brother when I was five years old. As is typical with many victims of abuse, this sent me into a downward spiral as I was consumed with overwhelming feelings of shame, guilt, fear, and anger (among many others), that manifested themselves as depression and self-lothing, which tormented me daily. I prayed that someone or something would take my life to end my pain, and I felt I was a coward for not having the "strength" to do it myself--I couldn't even do that right!
I felt that my inner core was putrid, filled with a green, festering acid that bubbled up and corroded my inner soul, and I spent all my energy trying desperately to hide that fact. I became an untiring overachiever and perfectionist to try to compensate for these feelings of inadequacy, which only fed them. From the time I was a small child, I was searching for a peace of mind--something I was not sure even existed. It was the most driving force in my life. My mind needed rest; my soul needed peace.
I kept my humiliating, horrifying secret until I was 21 years old when something inside me pulled me along a spiraling path of self-discovery. I ricocheted from one devastating feeling to the next, and I felt my life was destined to be a daily war within myself. I went to four different therapists to help me through my journey; most of them were helpful, but not one of them told me that there was a process, similar to the grieving process, of steps that I needed to work through in order to deal with my abuse and begin to heal. The "something" inside me never gave up on me; it pushed me down different avenues, each contributing something to my recovery. My inner self saved me! It wasn't my core that was rotten; my core intuitively led me to seek multiple books which helped me through all the steps I needed to fully accept and love myself. It was my dysfuntional thought processes that I developed as a child as a way to cope that I carried into adulthood which were rotten. Though still difficult, it is infinitely easier to change distorted thinking patterns than it is to change an intrinsically rotten core. I now have an unbelievable trust in myself that has led to an incredible peace of mind and joy every day of my life, no matter how bad a day I have had. I am so grateful for this. The pain does end! I have progressed from a victim to a survivor and now to a thriver in life and the feeling is fabulous! Happiness is a choice. Continuing to live a life of misery is also a choice. You must take the responsibility to make yourself happy. Please let me help guide you safely through the process. Start by reading How I can help you.
|Open drop-in meetings will be held every other Tuesday night at the Senior Center at 850 West Grant Ave. in Williams, Arizona from 7:00-8:00 P.M.
Meetings are free. Donations accepted.
January 10, 2006
January 24, 2006
February 7, 2006
February 21, 2006
March 7, 2006
March 21, 2006
April 4, 2006
April 18, 2006
|How I can help you
Support Group Meetings
ASCA-From Survivor to Thriver Manual
How Family Members Can Help
Surviving the Truth
The Power of Focusing
Partners and Allies Resource List