2-11-05: Bienvenidos a la hoja de papel de Katie! In today's episode, our beautiful and omnipotent heroine learns a valuable lesson on the mating rituals of the exotic loofah mitten. And stay tuned, because an all-new (that means we haven't manipulated the idea into 50 episodes already) episode of "Those Pants He's Wearing" is up next! And now... our heroine finds herself between a rock and a Select Comfort(tm) mattress as the Celtic tribe surrounds her. But as they close in, she does a Keanu Reeves on their skinny little chum-chums and flies all the way to next week, where an evil Mexican scientist has just invented a time machine to bring Emperor Caligula back to life! Oh noes!! But just then Katie flies into the machine and brings back Bruce Lee to kill the scientist and the planet is saved! Yay! As a thank-you gift, the President gives her ten million shares in a failed oil company's stock and a worksheet, which she left here to show you how pretty it was. What a heroine!
2-15-05: I'd like to begin today's memoirs by filling up space and agreeing to Kaz's statement, except I much prefer lilacs. (It was something about basking nude in a tulip meadow along a stream--Kate) This morning I launched a full-scale revolution on the Eiffel Tower and used it on my plan to a million tacos to Uranus for no apparant reason. Get it? Uranus? Yes! Nevermind, it wasn't that funny anyways. In the meantime, I am launching a new highly virulent strain of Porkchop Ebola upon Denmark, noticeable when it makes people smell like porkchops. I am also really a banana named Tom. Will you plaster my drywalls? I have a corn on my foot that looks like Sally Struthers. I need more journal paper. Obviously
2-17-05: I like chocolate bunnies. --Me too plus the little Peeps! Too bad it's not Easter yet, because I'd bite off the ears and enjoy one. I am also a big fan of contemplating the possibilities of tuning forks and cheese. I want my face on a box of Wheaties, or Weedies as they were called in the 70's. Enormous narwhals are gnawing on my eyelids. Send reinforcements soon.
2-22-05: Today I was bestowed with the power to talk to sponges by an ancient Chinese McDonalds CEO. Turns out, all the sponges are infected with leprocy and cabin fever. Are these walls eggshell white? It's cool, but some random lawn ornaments scattered around the room would make it cooler. Like a lawn jockey resembling Mr. T or something. Clouds are fluffy. One time I saw one that looked like an apricot but my friend hit me for being stupid. I killed him and fed him to pigs. It was done by a tongue compressor that had tetanus splinters. He begged for forgiveness but I was screening all my calls at the time and had to take the dog out when he called. I smell purple dots. And fill in exotic termite-infested blanks.
2-24-05: I've been working on the railroad all the live long day/I've been working on the railroad to pass the time away/I woke up in the morning with a cow tied 'round my head/It was too late to milk her, she was already fed Ikky ikky ptang neewom bing bang tiddle tiddle bong floor lamps are the new Pink this year, my lettuce is very booked to meet you, d'oh!
2-28-05: My parents got married in a chapel in Las Vegas on this day 21 years ago, and I don't really care. Dad got Mom a mini iPod and they went out to dinner to celebrate while I stayed home on the computer. =Incoming transcript!= ..._. _ _ _ .. ._ .._.. _.__.. .__ __ ._.! He's dead, Jim!
3-2-05: Oh please someone help me, my stomach acid escaped and now it's dissolving my body aargghhh my legs are puddles and my liver is pudding ahh not my left hand anything but that aahh(turns into a squiggly line facing left)
My legs, butt, ..lower body is screaming - I'm training to walk a 1/2 marathon (13.1 miles)- who would have thought it would be so much work to train to "walk" - ugh :P
3-4-05: If you woke up in a different time, in a different place, could you wake up as a different person? It might explain this crazy French-Canadian pants fetish epidemic that's going around. I don't make the laws, I just enforce my undying love of cupcakes, sir.
3-8-05: Hi, can I exchange these milk coupons for a new set of tires? It's for my homemade boat, and I need tires to make guacamole. It's tire-flavored, extra crispy. Wanna see a palindrome? EMU FUME. (Crude picture of an emu farting) Kinda gross. Like pickled kool-aid. (Pointing to emu picture) <--Bad?!
3-10-05: Roses are red, violets are violet, the riot at Wembley Stadium sure is violent!
3-14-05: Today is Nat'l Pi Day, because it is 3-14. Ha! And tomorrow is the Ides of March, so I'm wearing a toga. Smackdown...proper! Happy Pi Day!
4-1-05: Today is a good day. I got more than 4 hours of sleep and lunch wasn't served raw, burnt or stale. School was boring as usual, but tonight will be better. I am leading PeTSCO (People for the Ethical Treatment of Single-Celled Organisms) on a pond raid against oppressing paramecium armies. They oppress amoeba world domination. Viva la revolution!!!! --You're too funny