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Vol. 2 Issue No. 10/ July 2, 2005
Birthday Boy
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Can you see me now?
Can you see me now wrapped
around a white flimsy towel… nothing underneath but skin and modest
dusting of hair… I have nothing to hide… I have nowhere to hide my
shame… it’s futile anyway—what’s the point?
Can you see me now, father?
Standing five feet five inches from head to foot… a mole in the chin,
another at the end of the right brow… Can you see me now, after twenty
years… why did you choose to blind yourself of me? of fair skin, thick
mouth and big nose… I don’t look like you, father… look at me? I
have proven that I’m indeed a mistake and now I’m with shadows…
dwelling in the dark crevices… baring my soul you have forsaken… Can
you see me now, father… fucking or being fucked… expressionless, just
devoured… Strange hands in my body… roaming my being without care! Can
you see me now, father…? Proving to you that indeed I am a mistake…
Giving you all the more reason to blind yourself of me!
You, the mother of all
mothers, with your chaste expression and sweet smile, looking down on me
with your eyes full of sympathy… I know I have no right to stand before
you… a disgusting filth that I am, squandering in the dark… I just
wanted to be happy… I ask not of your forgiveness… I ask not of your
pity… or a promise of salvation… but this is me… and I’m scared…
scared that one day I’ll fall apart… it’s inevitable, I know…
still it scares me…
Can you see me now, mother?
With shame in your eyes that I, your undeniable son… who so much
resembles you—your skin, your eyes, your nose, you mouth—thirsts to be
love by another mother’s son… Can you see me now, mother, and did you
flinched at the thought of a cock in my mouth, sucking it like I did unto
you breast when I was a baby? Can you see me now, mother, with my stories
of love and heartbreak of two men fencing in the dark?
Can you see me now?
Unspeakable loneliness…
don’t speak about it then…
I move about… The silent
stare of desire, deafening! Light quivering from the tube showing men
fucking each other’s brains out, to oblivion… their moans of sheer
pleasure echoing to each being standing fort… wrapped around with
nothing but flimsy, white towels… revealing some hungry brazen bodies
hungered for… eyes met… fleeting, yet intense!
Can you see me now?
