JOKES
.  Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, \"I think I\'ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?\".
.  Who was the first person to say \"See that chicken there....I\'m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it\'s butt.\"
.  Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
.  Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
.  If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
.  Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
. If the professor on Gilligan\'s Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can\'t he fix a hole in a boat?
. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don\'t point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They\'re both dogs!
. Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??
. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap,why didn\'t he just buy dinner?
. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
 
How to Remain Insane at the Workplace.
.  Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
.  Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective if you boss is of a different gender than you.
.  Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names: "That's a good point, Sparky." "No, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Cha-cha."
.  Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom.
.  Highlight your shoes. Tell people you haven't lost them as much since you did this.
.  While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid. Call everyone Madge
.  Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the whole way.
Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.
.  Every time someone asks you to do something, anything, ask him or her if they want fries with that.
.  Send e-mail back and forth to yourself, engaging yourself in an intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.
.  Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair-dancing.
.  Put your trash can on your desk and label it: IN.
.  Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.
.  Send e-mail messages saying there's free pizza or donuts or cake in the lunchroom. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, "Oh you've got to be faster than that."
.  Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has with drawn from caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.

                                                                                    Have a great day at work!!!!!
 

 

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