You Bring Me Joy
(Like a Best Friend Should)
by Zaen
17. Justin without Josh
The first day isn’t so bad. Justin has Trace to occupy him, so he doesn’t
spend too much time thinking about Josh.
It’s only when he remembers to go to feed Shere
Khan that it really hits him that he won’t see his friend for 13 more
days. He lets himself into Josh’s home
and just stands there for a minute, taking everything in, wondering what he’ll
find there, when he has more time. When
he snaps out of it, he changes the water and pours out the food quickly, before
the cat can realize he’s even there.
Trace waits for him in the car and laughs as Justin tiptoes out of the
apartment and quietly locks the door.
“Dude, you’re afraid of a cat?” he
asks as Justin gets into the car and quickly starts the engine.
“I’m not afraid! I’d just rather not have any unnecessary
encounters with her right now.” Trace
shakes his head disappointedly at Justin.
“And I’m allergic to her!”
“Sure you are.”
That night Justin, Trace, Chris, and
Lance go out to watch a big boxing match at a local sports bar. They all guzzle buffalo wings and beers and
belch and try to act like macho men, but after a while Trace starts bellyaching
about his on again/off again girlfriend, Lance starts complaining about how
much money he’s lost in his 401K, Chris starts moaning about his lack of a love
life, and Justin starts to miss Josh.
Much later, Justin and Trace try to
muster the energy to drag their drunken asses to bed. They sit on the couch laughing at some
ridiculous movie on HBO.
“I wanna see some soft porn,” Trace
grunts as he fiddles with the remote.
“Don’t you have Showtime?”
“Nah,” Justin grunts. “Why?”
“You gotta have Showtime, man. All the really good bad soft porn is on
Showtime.”
“I’ll think about it,” Justin
laughs.
“But if you get it, watch out! You might see Queer as Folk, and they got all kinds of nekkid-ass
guys doin’ stuff to each
other on that show!”
“You don’t say?” Justin is now fully
awake. He peers at his longtime best
friend. “Have you…ever watched it?”
“No way, man!” Trace burps a few times, and Justin feels
suddenly very nervous. “Speaking of
which, what’s up with Chris and Lance?”
“What do you mean?”
“Are they buttbuddies
or what?” Trace asks as he makes juvenile gestures with his fingers. “I know a closet case when I see one.”
“Really?”
Justin says, half pissed off, half amused, completely
terrified.
“Yeah, man. They might not have acted on it yet, but it’s
coming, I can tell. They got the major hots for each other, man.”
“And how do you, in your infinite,
small-town boy, Hicksville
“I been around,” Trace retorts. “This aint
“What?” Justin looks down at his
suddenly sweaty palms.
“I’m sure you saw a lot more gay
guys when you were at school than we did our entire lives at home.” Justin nods slowly but doesn’t say
anything. “I’m not complaining. The more gay men come out of the closet, the
more chicks for me!”
“How progressive
of you.”
“Well, that’s why you wanted to go
to
“You’re wasted. Let’s go to bed.”
**********
Justin spends the next few days
resisting the urge to call Josh’s cell phone.
Joey sends an email to the office Monday to let them know they got to
Justin barks into the phone. “Hel—”
“Don’t hate me, dude.”
“Um, Josh?”
“I’m sorry I haven’t been able to
call you but I forgot to charge my cell and then when the battery charged up I
couldn’t find my phone and then I fell asleep and I didn’t know if you were
still up and do you know how much it costs to make a long distance call from a
hotel room and then Joey was always using his phone and again, I am way
to cheap to charge a phone call on my credit card—”
“I’m kinda in the middle of—”
“—and then I thought to email you
from my laptop but I couldn’t figure out how to do that on the hotel phone and
then I realized I didn’t have your home email address and then yesterday at
work I found out that the stupid fuckers hadn’t set up my email at the Buffalo
office and then when they did set it up it wouldn’t work because they still
can’t spell my fucking last name—”
“Josh, I can’t talk—”
“—and then we were in meetings all
day and then Joey had me out so late last night and I didn’t want to disturb
you and I figured if anything was wrong you’d have called my cell and then you
didn’t call and…um…yes. So, how are
you?”
“You have amazing breath control,”
Justin says coolly. Josh giggles.
“So I’ve heard.” Justin sits on his couch with his arms
crossed, watching the TV with the muting on.
He listens to Josh breathe. “Hello?”
“Yeah.”
“Aren’t you going to say anything?”
Josh asks.
“What do you want me say?” Justin
snaps. Josh sighs, and Justin really
can’t blame him. He feels silly for
feeling so silly.
“I said I was sorry, Justin. You could have called me, you know,” Josh mocks.
“I know.”
“So why didn’t you call me? I was hoping you would.” Justin covers the mouthpiece of the receiver
as he smiles. He is the silliest 13 year
old girl in the world.
“Josh, man. I’m not mad.
Forget about it.” Justin can hear
Josh moving around like he’s getting comfortable.
“Ok, buddy. So, how’s everything in
“Your cat is fine,” Justin says
coldly, but with a big smile.
“I meant, how are
things with you, stupid!”
“Don’t insult me! I’ll kick your ass!”
“Ha ha! I’d like
to see you try!”
“I could take you, Joshua Chateau,
or whatever the hell your last name is!”
“Cold, man. Very cold,” Josh laughs.
“Well, I could,” Justin says softly.
“I’m sure you could take me, Justin,”
Josh murmurs, and Justin blushes so much that he covers the receiver again.
“Yeah, well, you better remember to
charge your phone, babble boy,” Justin jokes when he composes himself.
“I know. I’m a mess!” Josh laughs. “I need help.
I need to be taken care of, man.”
“You sure do.”
“Won’t you take care of me, Justin?”
Josh singsongs. Justin coughs and
crosses his legs.
“Can I call you back in an hour?”
“Well, ok.” Josh sounds just the slightest bit
disappointed. “Wait! Give me your home email address.”
“I’ll give it to you later, man,”
Justin says, then lowers his voice.
“Buffy is on.”
“What?”
“I said…I have to watch Buffy,
man.” Justin imagines Joey, Lance, and
Chris stripping him of his “manhood” membership nametag, and then he hears Josh
squeal.
“Shit! How could I have forgotten? And with the show going off in the air in May? What channel is UPN in
“Josh. I had no idea!” Justin squeals delightedly.
“I’m a man of many secrets,” Josh
answers. “Now, do you think Buffy and
Spike will do it one more time before the end?”
“I don’t know,” Justin says
happily. He sits back against the couch
and sips his beer. Somehow Josh knows
when to talk and when to be quiet, when to giggle in Justin’s ear and when to
say “whoa, man” or some other Josh-ism that Justin has come to love. They laugh about the show and how no one else
at work knows they watch it. It feels
for Justin almost like Josh is right there, holding his hand.
“Well, you’re in a much better
mood,” Trace says when he returns.
Justin shrugs innocently and tries not to blush.
“Did you have fun with Chris and
Lance?”
“Yeah, man,” Trace says as he flops
down on the couch. “That Lance can
drink!”
“I hope you drove him home!” Justin
laughs.
“Yeah, yeah. He didn’t put up a fight. They told me Chris once kissed him on the
mouth just to shut him up so he could drive him home.” Justin’s eyes grow wide.
“They told you that?”
“Yeah, man. I guess Chris likes to play jokes on
ya’ll.” Trace burps and scratches
himself. “How was Buffy?”
“They told you that?” Justin
repeats. “Wow, I can’t believe they told
you that.”
“So what?”
Trace asked.
“Well, aren’t you the one that
thinks that Lance and Chris are…um…you know.” Justin bites his lips nervously as he waits
for Trace to answer.
“Oh, scratch that. They’re both totally straight. Chris was flirting with all the women in the
pool hall, even the ugly ones, and Lance can’t dance for shit, so you know they
can’t be gay.”
“Is that so?” Justin laughs.
“Yeah, man. Chris kept going on and on about some Gwen
chick he’s supposedly not hung up on.
As for Lance, his pants are too loose, and he drinks domestic beer. So, despite his somewhat less-than-macho
appearance, I’d say he’s on our team for sure.”
“Our team.” Justin nods his head and thinks about Josh.
“I think, I must’ve just misread the
signals,” Trace says. “He and Chris are
good buddies, and they’re both short so they look cute together—”
“You’re short, too, bitch!”
“Yeah, but I work it!”
“Whatever.”
“I’m just saying that I got the wrong
idea. It happens. My gaydar needs
adjusting.”
“Obviously.”
“I can usually tell right away. I’m real astute. I got it goin’
on. I’m omni…omnisc…omnipotent.”
“Well, great oracle of
“Aiight. I
think maybe what threw me off about them was how touchy feely they were when we
all went out, ya know?”
“Some guys—if they’re close—are like
that.” Justin bites his thumbnail. “Right?”
“Maybe,” Trace says
thoughtfully. “You just don’t see a lot
of straight guys being that affectionate.”
“Maybe…um…more men
don’t…uh...because they’re afraid people will think that it means
something. Maybe…if a guy is secure with
himself…if he knows who he is…he won’t care what everyone else thinks. He’ll just do what he wants, and show the man
he…his platonic friend…how he feels.”
“Uh huh.” Trace flops down on the bed and starts to
snore within seconds. Justin stares at his
best friend as confusion clouds his brain.
After a minute he turns to go to bed.
When he whispers goodnight, he hears Trace say, “How ‘bout that Josh?”
“Wha—what about him?”
“You know he’s gay. Gotta be,”
Trace grunts, half asleep.
“You—you don’t know that,” Justin
snaps.
“Sure he is. He’s…he’s gay-ish.” Justin stares into space and wonders what
Trace finds “gay-ish” about Josh. Just when he starts to get his hopes up,
Trace mumbles, “Of course, I’ve been wrong before.” Justin sighs and drags himself to bed, more
confused than ever.
**********
The next day Justin gives Trace an extra long hug before he leaves. Trace rolls his eyes as Justin lectures him
about the hazards of spring break at
From:
Bluenote26@yahoo.com
To:
WiteChoklat@hotmail.com
J,
Finally,
an email where we get to say FUCK! :-}
Hope
you had fun at work today. These training
session are boring as shit. If I didn’t
have Joey next to me making funny faces and drawing suggestive cartoons on our
training materials, I’d certainly fall asleep.
And you know how much I love to sleep!
Picture
it: a few hours of Post-Impressionist art, followed by a dinner at Le Sourire, and maybe a tour of that vineyard near
Or,
you know, we could watch some basketball.
Or go shopping at that used record store you love so much. Or something. Whatever.
Interested?
Later,
Josh
Justin washes his dishes and brushes
his teeth before sending his reply.
From:
WiteChoklat@hotmail.com
To:
Bluenote26@yahoo.com
Joshua!
I
got you now! You try to pass yourself
off as some gourmand with great taste and shit, and what do I find your
freezer? Hot Pockets! The guy who brings leftover coq au vin to work, who bakes homemade bread on a weeknight! Hot Pockets!
Dude. Busted.
I
really ought to charge you for taking care of your girlfriend. Did I mention last night that she likes to
leave me presents on the front door mat?
I’ve changed that kitty litter 3 times, and she still does that! Do cats go through the change? Maybe you should consider cat HRT.
Now,
Impressionism is with all the dots, right?
I just checked the site for the museum.
Looks pretty cool. Consider it a date.
I
like white corsages. And I don’t put out
on the first date. Second, maybe…
Ha!
J.T.
And, right as Justin is about to
sign off:
From:
Bluenote26@yahoo.com
To: WiteChoklat@hotmail.com
>> And I don’t put out on
the first date. Second, maybe…
Slut!
It’s ok; I’m a slut too. I’d put out on the first date.
If you buy me flowers. :-}
ps:
Hot Pockets rock, man, seriously. Don’t diss the pockets.
pss:
Sorry about the presents. I’ll make it
up to you…oh! Not like that, naughty
boy!
Justin starts to email back “Darn my
bad luck!” but decides against it. He
shuts down his PC and writes himself a note to find out more about
Cezanne. And to buy
some Hot Pockets.
**********
For an IT company, Zeeks Tech sure takes its time fixing computer
glitches. It’s late Thursday afternoon
when Josh’s email troubles are finally over, and for the first time, Justin
receives an email from someone not called Chavez.
From: Chasez, J.
To: Timberlake, J.
Security: Private
Time: 4:23 PM
Alert
the media! They finally spelled my name
right! And it only took them 3 months!
Hallelujah!
From: Timberlake, J.
To: Chasez, J.
Security: Private
Time: 4:23 PM
Congratulations.
From: Chasez, J.
To: Timberlake, J.
Security: Private
Time: 4:24 PM
What’s
wrong, J?
From: Timberlake, J.
To: Chasez, J.
Security: Private
Time: 4:24 PM
Nothing. Just bored. Trace left
yesterday, so it’s been quiet at home.
From: Chasez, J.
To: Timberlake, J.
Security: Private
Time: 4:26 PM
Sorry. I guess you miss him, huh?
From: Timberlake, J.
To: Chasez, J.
Security: Private
Time: 4:27 PM
I
guess so. He’s living it up in Daytona
doing God knows what, and you’re gone, and I’m lonely without my 2 best
buddies.
Justin looks at his email, points,
clicks, deletes, and starts over.
From: Timberlake, J.
To: Chasez, J.
Security: Private
Time: 4:28 PM
I
guess so. Hopefully after he graduates
he’ll move closer so I can see him more often.
From: Chasez, J.
To: Timberlake, J.
Security: Private
Time: 4:40 PM
It
must be nice to have a best friend you’ve known for so long. I envy that.
Justin stares at the words as he bites his
lip.
From: Timberlake, J.
To: Chasez, J.
Security: Private
Time: 4:45 PM
Do
you have Instant Messenger?
**********
Over
the next week Justin’s routine becomes work, feed the cat, dinner, and then
talking on the phone to, exchanging email with, or chatting online with
Josh. He even finds himself rushing home
so he won’t be late for their online “dates.”
When he willingly foregoes a night of beer and bowling with Chris and
Lance, Justin knows for sure that he’s in trouble.
He doesn’t care.
<<CHAPTER
NINE STORY INDEX CHAPTER
ELEVEN>>
FEEDBACK UPDATES LIST MAIN INDEX
Copyright © KTA December 2, 2002 – June 2, 2004