You Bring Me Joy
(Like a Best Friend Should)
by Zaen
20. Last online chat before
return
WiteChoklat: Hey! You’re online.
Bluenote26:
Yeah, just thought I’d check my email one last time before packing.
WiteChoklat: So, you gonna miss Buffalo?
Bluenote26:
Oh, yeah, right.
WiteChoklat: How’s Joey?
Bluenote26:
Good. You know him. He can make friends and have fun in a paper
bag. He says hello, by the way.
WiteChoklat: Oh, he’s there?
Bluenote26:
He’s borrowing some hair styling product.
We’re going out for one last night on the town in a few.
WiteChoklat: Well, have fun. Tell him I
said Hi, too.
Bluenote26:
Ok. So…yesterday.
WiteChoklat: Forget about it, go have fun with Joey.
Bluenote26:
No, I just. I mean. I don’t know.
I’m sorry.
WiteChoklat: For what?
Bluenote26:
I mean I’m sorry for hanging up on you like that.
WiteChoklat: It’s ok, man. When you gotta go, you gotta go.
WiteChoklat: :-)
Bluenote26:
Right!
WiteChoklat: Well, I’ll let you go. Don’t
keep Joey waiting.
Bluenote26:
Damn, Justin. I don’t have to go just
yet. Trying to get rid of me?
WiteChoklat: No. I just want you to get out
and enjoy yourself. Joey’s a lot more
fun to hang out with than, well, most people.
Bluenote26:
Justin, are you jealous?
Bluenote26:
J?
Bluenote26:
Justin?
WiteChoklat: Sometimes.
Bluenote26:
Because…he’s so much fun?
WiteChoklat: No. Because, I guess, he’s
known you longer than I have. You have a
lot of history together.
WiteChoklat: Yes, I’m immature. Sue me.
WiteChoklat: You there?
Bluenote26:
History isn’t everything, J.
WiteChoklat: I know.
Bluenote26:
In most ways, you know me better than anybody.
WiteChoklat: Most…but not all.
Bluenote26:
Well, yeah. A guy’s got to have his
secrets, right?
WiteChoklat: I suppose.
Bluenote26:
Don’t you have secrets?
WiteChoklat: Perhaps. I usually tell my mom
and Trace everything. So much that they
beg me to shut up!
Bluenote26:
Lucky for them.
WiteChoklat: ??
Bluenote26:
You’re not the only immature girl on the playground, J.
Bluenote26: Maybe…sometimes…I’m jealous of Trace.
WiteChoklat: Really?
Bluenote26:
Yeah.
WiteChoklat: Josh, if we don’t stop this silliness, we’re gonna start wearing training
bras and hair scrunchies!
Bluenote26:
Totally. We need to do something manly
and grown up.
WiteChoklat: Yeah! We’re men! We pee standing up! We eat red meat and drink cheap beer!
Bluenote26:
Yeah!
Bluenote26:
Well, I only eat red meat once a week and I only drink imported beer, but
otherwise, I’m right there with you!
WiteChoklat: Ha!
Bluenote26:
So, what are you doing tonight?
WiteChoklat: I dunno.
Why?
Bluenote26:
Just asking.
WiteChoklat: Want to know if I’ve had any hot dates while you’ve been gone?
Bluenote26:
Have you?
WiteChoklat: Maybe. :-)
Bluenote26:
Excellent. I’m happy for you.
WiteChoklat: You are?
Bluenote26:
Of course. It’s my fault you’ve been
stuck having to go to my house every day.
I want you to have some fun.
WiteChoklat: It hasn’t been *that* bad.
Bluenote26:
I know. I just want…you should get out
more. You’re so young.
WiteChoklat: What are you saying?
Bluenote26:
Um. Like, sometimes I feel like I
monopolize your time.
WiteChoklat: You think we spend too much time together?
Bluenote26:
No. I don’t know. Maybe.
WiteChoklat: I see.
Bluenote26:
Justin, I don’t know. I hate feeling
like if it weren’t for me and my crazy cat, right now you’d be out dancing and
flirting with hotties and…whatever. I can be sort of clingy, and you’re too nice
to say anything.
WiteChoklat: Oh
Bluenote26:
I don’t want you to resent me. You know?
WiteChoklat: You don’t have to explain.
Maybe I will go out tonight after all.
Bluenote26:
Justin, do you understand what I’m saying?
WiteChoklat: I’m 22, not 12. I get it OK?
Bluenote26:
I didn’t mean it like that. I don’t want
you to give up your life to be friends with me.
Bluenote26:
J? Talk to me.
WiteChoklat: You better get going. Have fun
tonight. I guess I’ll see you Monday.
Bluenote26:
Justin, don’t be like that. Can I call
you? I can barely make sense when I talk
in person, much less over Internet.
WiteChoklat: Do you want me to leave the keys at your place after I feed the cat
tomorrow?
Bluenote26:
Justin, c’mon. Look, I’m going offline
and calling you, so pick the fuck up!
WiteChoklat: bye, Josh.
Justin shuts down his computer and
jumps in the shower, ignoring the blaring telephone.
In the wee hours of the night,
Justin hooks up for the first time in months.
He’d scanned the club, looking for a pretty brunette, but it’s a tall
leggy blonde who ends up underneath him.
He goes down on her with a vengeance, making her come twice before she
insists on returning the favor. But
there, in the bedroom of this gorgeous girl whose name he won’t remember
tomorrow—Candy? Cammy? Cameron?—Justin
can’t stop feeling guilty. As good as
her pouty red lips feel on his cock, he pulls away
and zips up after only a minute. He
whispers “sorry…sorry” as he finishes dressing with his back to her. The woman just nods her head. Justin offers to take her number, but she
shakes her head, kisses him on the cheek, and tells him that she really, really understands. Justin drives home feeling sad and
disappointed and horny and guilty…and stupid.
21. Sunday night Josh returns
Justin spends his Sunday afternoon
in front of the TV, watching sports and bingeing on Froot
Loops. After a few hours and a long nap,
he goes to the gym. Later, he stops off
at his favorite record store for a few new CDs.
He spends the day alone, the way he’d spent most of his Sundays before
he met Josh, and by evening decides it’s not so bad. He thinks he might invite some of the guys
from the finance department out for a beer sometime; maybe ask out that girl
from his building who has been flirting with him since he moved in. He drives quickly to Josh’s house, feeds the
cat, and leaves without looking back.
Justin’s phone rings at a quarter to
10 PM.
“Hello?”
“I’m back so don’t
hang up on me I just wanna thank you for taking care of my cat she looks fine,
not that I was worried at all, and thanks for watering my plant even though I
forgot to ask you to and we got in safe and…and…um…hello.”
“Hello, Josh. Glad you’re back safe.”
“Thanks.” Silence. “Justin, yesterday I—”
“Look, um, I still have your keys—”
“Justin, don’t change the subject.”
“I’ll just bring them in to work
tomorrow, if that’s alright,” Justin says plainly, calmly.
Josh sighs. “Justin, I want to talk to you. I think you misunderstood me yesterday.” Justin doesn’t say anything. “Justin, c’mon.”
“Can we talk about this later? I was just about to go to bed,” Justin lies.
“Fine!” Josh grumbles and Justin almost laughs.
“So, I’ll bring your keys tomorrow?”
“Keep ‘em. They’re an extra set. You know, in case of emergencies.”
“Right.” Justin tries not to grin.
“You know, in case I don’t show up
for work several days in a row and my neighbors start to complain about the
smell—”
“That’s not funny, Josh.”
“I know it’s not funny,” Josh snaps. “You never know, so, if you don’t mind, I’d
like you to keep them. If that’s ok with you.”
“Yeah. That’s a good idea actually. I don’t have a key buddy.” Justin pauses. “Maybe I should ask Joey to be mine?” When Josh doesn’t utter a sound after several
seconds, Justin barely conceals a snicker.
“Don’t laugh at me,” Josh mumbles.
“Why shouldn’t I?”
“Why can’t you just admit that
you’re mad about yesterday?”
“Because I’m not.” Justin crosses his arms and thanks God Josh
can’t see him.
“You’re mad. I know you, and you’re mad.”
“I’m not mad, Josh.”
“You are.”
“How would you know? I’ve never been mad at you before!” snaps
Justin.
“See! I told you!”
“Whatever,” Justin grunts, rolling
his eyes. He can hear the triumphant
smile in Josh’s voice, and as much as he wants to stay angry, he just can’t do
it.
“Look, Justin. What I said, I didn’t mean the way it
sounded. I don’t think we spend too much
time together.” Justin lets out a long
breath, then blushes when Josh murmurs, “If anything, it’s
not enough. For me
anyway.”
“You…you don’t have to say
that.” But I’m glad you did,
Justin thinks.
“I’m not just saying that, Justin,”
Josh says softly. “I mean it. I really love—uh oh. I have to go now, man.” Justin sighs, has to force himself not to beg
Josh to finish that sentence.
“Why do you have to go?”
“Er, well…Queer
as Folk is coming on,” Josh says softly.
“Ok.” So he
does watch it all the time, Justin thinks briefly, but he’s too
disappointed to pursue it right now.
“Justin, can we talk this out
tomorrow? I’m tired from the trip and I
just want to watch my fav—this show and go to bed.”
“Don’t worry about it, man. See you tomorrow.”
“Sure?”
“Yeah. Go watch the show.”
“Thanks, J.”
“No problem. See you tomorrow…Michael.”
“See ya—oh! So I’m Michael?” Josh laughs, his voice squeaking, and Justin
has to laugh, too. “And I suppose you
think you’re Brian?”
“Of course!”
“Why do you get to be Brian?”
“Because I’m sexier, and hotter, and
everybody wants me, that’s why!”
“Slut.”
“You know it, baby.”
“Hm. Guess
you’ve been watching the show, too.”
“Maybe,” Justin answers, blushing
furiously.
“Ok, then, you be
Brian. I’m sure you can’t dance for
shit, anyway!”
“Oh, hell, no! You take that back!” Justin laughs.
“Ha.
Wow, it’s good to hear you laugh,” Josh says happily. “I missed that while I was gone.” Justin bites his lip.
“Ok, um, well, goodnight,
Josh.” Justin touches the talk button on
his phone, and just before the click he hears Josh murmur, “I missed you.”
“What?” Justin gasps into the dial
tone. He curses as he hangs up the
phone.
22. Monday Josh returns
Josh is friendly but quiet Monday
morning. Justin is sure he offended him
by not responding to the I miss you. Justin types “I missed you, too” many times
in an email, but every time he goes to click send, he clicks delete
instead. He feels like a coward and
hates it.
When the “new mail” icon shows up on
his taskbar, Justin’s heart starts to race.
He pouts when he sees that it’s only from Trace. Justin skims the tales of spring break
debauchery and hangover horrors, but he does a double take when Trace says that
he really liked all of Justin’s new friends, especially Josh, because “Josh
really likes you, man. I thought it was
weird when he was asking me all kinds of questions about you, but now that I’m
completely sober, I think it just means he really wants to know you. It’s nice.
I’m glad you have someone there to look out for you. Damn, am I gonna be usurped as best
friend? Did I spell usurp right?” Justin smiles at that and hits reply, but
before he can type anything Joey stops by his desk.
“I hear it was boring as hell while
we were gone,” Joey says happily.
“Yes, it was,” Justin says, then glances at Josh, who is nose-deep in 2 weeks of departmental
memos. “I bet you guys were living it
up, huh?”
“Well, not really. Half the time he’d be in his hotel room,
doing God knows what,” Joey grunts.
“Really?” Justin coughs and looks at his monitor. “Why, uh, do you think he wanted to do that?”
“Well,” Joey says, lowering his
voice, “personally, I think Josh is seeing someone here, and he was spending
all that time talking to…whomever it is on the
phone.”
“Oh.” Justin takes a sip of his very hot
coffee. He’s grateful that it burns his
tongue and keeps him from smiling.
“You guys hang out a lot,” Joey says
as he plays with some paper clips on Justin’s desk. “Do you know who it is?”
“I don’t…I mean…I don’t even know if
he’s seeing…and if he is…I don’t know if he’d tell me and…why would you ask
me—”
“Calm down, damn!” Joey laughs at Justin’s bumbling. “I’m just saying. If he’d tell anyone it’d be you. He considers you a really good friend.”
“Yeah?”
Justin takes another long sip.
“Yeah. He told me how you babysat for his crazy
cat. I guess he knows what he’s doing, ‘cause I would have put that thing in a kennel!”
“I’m an animal lover, what can I
say.”
“It’s not just that,” Joey says
softly. “He talks about you—a lot. He thinks very highly of you, J.”
“Sure,” Justin snorts and pretends
to study a worksheet on his desk, so Joey won’t see the blush on his face.
“I’m just saying,” Joey says, then grins wickedly.
“Well, I better get some work done.
God knows how this place survived without me for two weeks!”
“So humble.” Justin shakes his head as Joey struts back to
his desk. Then he forces himself to
stare at Josh until Josh looks up at him.
It doesn’t take long before Josh gives him a shy, crooked smile that
sends Justin to his feet.
“Um,” Justin mumbles nervously as he
walks over and sits on Josh’s desk. He
waits a few seconds, and when he’s confident that no one can overhear, he looks
deep into Josh’s eyes and says, “I missed you, too.”
“Thanks,” Josh says, and smiles at
his feet.
They don’t speak much the rest of
the day, but they don’t ignore one another either. Josh lets Joey entertain everyone with tales
about
“Well. Time to go home,” Josh says, nodding his
head.
“Yep.”
“I really want to thank you. For watching my cat and
everything. I know I’ve said it a
billion times, but I really appreciate it, man.”
“Forget it. What are friends for?”
“We still friends?” Josh’s eyes are
unsure.
“Of course.”
“Good, because I was thinking that,
you know, to repay you, maybe I could, um, maybe, make you dinner,” Josh says
bashfully, and Justin nods. “Like…for 2 weeks.”
“Oh!” Justin smiles as he taps his forehead like he
has to think about it. “Well, that’s
awfully kind of you, sir. But won’t you
get sick of me?”
“No, Justin.” Josh reaches out and touches Justin’s
arm. “Will you get sick of me?”
“No.”
“Are you sure? Because I’d understand if you—”
“I won’t get sick of you,” Justin
says decisively. “Ever.” He swallows the lump in his throat, but
doesn’t look away. “And if I do, I’ll
let you know.”
“Cool.” Josh smiles at him and takes a step
back. “So, come over tonight?”
“I gotta go home first, and then
I’ll be over.”
“Ok.”
“Ok.” Justin rolls his eyes at himself, at his
nervousness. “You were right. I was mad.
But I’m not any more.”
“Promise?”
Josh whispers, and Justin nods. “Promise
me you’ll tell me if I take up too much of your time?”
“I will. Promise me that you won’t let me get away
with pouting and holding grudges?”
“I promise.” Josh offers his hand and they shake on
it. When Josh starts to pull his hand
away Justin freezes and squeezes Josh’s hand nervously.
“Wait! Are…are we ok now?” Josh nods then pulls Justin into his arms.
“We’re better than ok,” Josh
whispers in Justin’s ear.
“Welcome home, Josh.” They hug a long time, and Justin doesn’t even
care if anyone sees.
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