You Bring Me Joy
(Like a Best Friend Should)
by Zaen
31. SATURDAY TOGETHER
The Saturday that Josh and Justin plan
to spend together outdoors gets rained out.
The night before they had decided to go to the beach, get some sun, and
maybe even do a little hiking before the June weather turns too hot. By dawn nearly two inches of rain have
already fallen, so Josh calls to suggest that they just hang out at Justin’s
place. Justin agrees and goes back to
sleep, only to be woken by Josh standing over him in his bedroom.
“Morning,” Josh
whispers with a grin. “I let
myself in. Hope you don’t mind, J.”
“Do you ever knock anymore?”
Justin groans, but with a smile. He
stretches and smiles up at a wet Josh holding a paper bag. He’s become accustomed to Josh letting
himself into his apartment. Josh only
does it when he’s expected, and he hasn’t yet interrupted anything Justin
wouldn’t want him to see. Not yet,
anyway, Justin thinks with a smirk.
“What’s in the bag?”
“Raspberry and
cheese croissants, cinnamon rugula, and orange
cranberry scones.”
“Will you marry me?” Justin sighs
happily as Josh opens the bag and the aroma of baked goods drifts into his
nose.
“What are you talking about? We’re already married,” Josh says, and it
only sounds partially in jest. Justin
looks up at his smiling face, and then winces when a few drops of water from
Josh’s hair fall into his eye.
“Dude, you’re soaking wet! And dripping on my bed!”
Justin barks.
“Jeez, this is the thanks I get for
getting your favorite breakfast foods in this weather, at this time of the
morning, on a Saturday? Damn!” Justin jumps out of bed and grabs the
sweet-smelling bag.
“I’ll start the coffee. You put something dry on before I spank you,”
Justin calls out over his shoulder on his way to the kitchen. A few minutes later Josh walks into the kitchen
wearing Justin’s bathrobe.
“You have eggs, right?” Josh asks as
he opens Justin’s cupboards. “How does a
spinach and baby Swiss frittata sound?”
“Great.” Justin watches Josh pull the large bathrobe
tighter around his waist. “But I don’t
think I have spinach. Or any baby Swiss Or, um, eggs.”
“Yeah, you do.” Josh opens Justin’s fridge and pulls out all
his needed ingredients. “Leftover from
the filo spinach pockets I made two nights ago.” He beams as he gets everything he needs. He’s completely ensconced in Justin’s
kitchen. Justin’s
house. Justin’s everything. Justin gazes over his coffee mug at Josh as
he starts cracking and whisking away.
“What?”
“Nothing, C. Nothing at all.”
The rest of the morning is spent
talking, listening to music, lounging around, and complaining about the
rain. Josh convinces Justin to pull out
his guitar, and Justin surprises him with his ability. Justin plays softly for a while, eyes closed,
fingers picking and strumming chord changes and half-songs. When he opens his eyes he finds Josh on the
floor a few yards away taking a sketchpad out of his carryall.
“Keep playing,” Josh whispers as he
sits lotus style and finds a clean sheet of paper. Justin starts to ask to see his drawings, but
continues playing instead. He’ll see
them another time.
Justin’s stomach grumbles around
12:30. Josh looks up from the book he’s
reading.
“Lunch time?” Josh asks as he sits
up from his laying position on the couch.
Justin nods and places the bookmark in his own book before setting it
down. He untangles his feet from Josh’s
and sits up against the side of the couch.
“I’ll make you a fried baloney
sandwich you won’t believe.” Justin
smiles and leaps off the couch as Josh returns to his book, one from Justin’s
bookshelf.
“I can’t wait.”
“Why don’t you take a nap?” Justin
suggests to his yawning, stretching guest.
“After all the food we’ve had today, I’m sure you need one.”
“No, I’m fine. Don’t wanna be rude.” Josh yawns again and lies down on the
floor. “I’m totally awake.” Justin watches Josh’s eyelids flutter, his
chest rise and fall evenly. The rain is
still pouring outside—perfect nap weather.
“Don’t sleep on the floor, man.”
“I’m ok.”
“Go take a nap…in my bed.” Josh doesn’t respond, but he scratches his
stomach through Justin’s robe. “Go on,
man. I don’t have cooties.”
“You sure?”
Josh mumbles.
“Yeah. Go ahead.”
“OK, maybe just for a few
minutes.” Josh gets up and smiles
sleepily. “Thanks,” he whispers as he
passes Justin on the way to the bedroom.
He gives him a little tap on the ass, too, for good measure.
He waits as long as he can—about 5
minutes—and then Justin creeps into his bedroom. He watches Josh sleeping on his side, facing
away from him. Justin stands there for a
minute not knowing quite what to do. The
open curtain gives him a reason to move, so he tiptoes to the window the shut
out the faint afternoon light. Josh
grumbles and stirs a little, shifting the bedcovers down around his waist. Justin goes back to the doorway but
hesitates.
“Josh?” whispers Justin. When that elicits no response, Justin lowers
to the floor and crawls over to the side of the bed. “You sleeping?” Josh makes a sound but doesn’t move. Justin rests his arms and chin on the
mattress and watches. Josh’s breathing
isn’t loud, but it isn’t silent, either.
He shifts from time to time, causing Justin to wonder if he always
sleeps so animatedly, or perhaps only when he’s napping. Then he notices the robe slung neatly over
the chair in the corner. Before Justin
can process that, Josh shifts again, and the covers slip down further. Justin bites his lip when he sees that Josh
is in his bed in only his underwear.
“Make yourself at home, why don’t
you,” Justin mumbles anxiously. When he
composes himself, Justin follows the freckles and moles and planes of Josh’s
back from the wild mass of curls spilling over his pillow, down to the pale
skin peeking out just over the sheets. Grey
underwear, Justin thinks, like that’s something he should commit to
memory. Just as he starts to wonder what
brand and size they are, Josh mumbles something and rolls over. Justin blushes furiously but cannot stop
looking at Josh’s stomach muscles, at the arch of Josh’s back…at the crotch
covered only by a thin layer of cotton.
It’s not nudity, but it’s the closest thing to it. Sure, Justin has peeked over the months, especially when Josh has worn pants that really hug
his body. This is different. This is Josh naked save underwear. This is Josh asleep, in his underwear, in
Justin’s bed. This is Josh’s legs spread
just a little, inviting, however unconsciously, Justin’s eyes to look between
them. Nice, Justin thinks. Even with the underwear he can tell Josh is
well endowed. Lucky
underwear. Justin rolls his
eyes at his silliness, and almost leaves the room as punishment, but stops when
Josh stirs. Justin freezes, acutely
aware that disturbing so beautiful a view would be a horrible shame. A few seconds go by, but Josh doesn’t awaken. He merely sighs in his sleep and scratches
his stomach, which only draws even more attention to the bulge in his briefs.
“C.”
When Josh unconsciously licks his lips, Justin quietly stands and crawls
into his own bed. He gently lies down on
his side, facing Josh, watching. His
gaze travels from Josh’s contented face down to his crotch and back. Justin shivers a little at the thought of
what could happen if Josh were to wake up right now, but sweet thoughts and
sweeter shivers and rainy afternoons and full bellies begin to work their
magic, and soon Justin is lulled to sleep.
Justin is half awake—or half asleep,
he isn’t sure which. He isn’t sure where
he is, but he knows he’s warm and comfortable.
He smiles in his dream state, though at what he’s not sure. Everything’s black, and he doesn’t feel like
opening his eyes. What he does feel is
warmth on his face, warm like a soothing breath, and he leans into it. It’s inviting and comforting, so he tilts his
head up until there’s more warmth against his cheek, against his face, against
his lips. He thinks that he’s smiling
when he brushes his lips against another pair.
A small kiss.
Another.
A third.
Then it stops. Justin smacks his
lips, and then falls into blackness again.
When Justin wakes up his head is on
Josh’s stomach, and his arms are wrapped around Josh’s waist.
“C?”
“Yeah?”
“Just, you know, checking to see if
you were awake.” Justin thanks God that
he didn’t drool all over Josh’s abs—Josh’s toned,
perfectly flat, right underneath Justin’s cheek abs.
“Yeah, I just woke up a minute
ago.” Josh yawns and slides his fingers
over Justin’s fuzzy head. “I must’ve
taken all the pillows. Sorry.”
“Your body, um…you’re not exactly
pillow-like,” Justin mumbles as he stares at Josh’s navel just a few inches
from his lips.
“Oh?
I’m not comforting and supportive?” Josh jokes.
“No!
I meant…like, soft. You’re not
soft. You’re nice and hard.” Justin’s jaw drops at his flubbed-up
explanation. “I meant your abs. Rock hard. I mean—”
“I know what you meant, J,” Josh
chuckles happily.
“Yeah, ok.”
“Thanks, by the way.” Josh’s hands move down from Justin’s scalp to
his shoulders, where they rub gently.
“I’ve been trying to work out more lately.”
“Oh, yeah? Why?”
Josh chuckles again, and Justin can feel the vibrations under his
cheek. He places his hand on Josh’s side
so he can feel the laughter there, too.
“Dude, I meant why, all of a sudden.
Are you trying to make yourself pretty for somebody?” Justin asks, half
joking.
“Can’t I be pretty just for myself?”
“You’re already pretty.” Justin rolls his eyes. He can’t seem to shut up. Lying on top of half naked Josh has rendered
him unable to censor himself. “I
meant—you know what I meant! Fuck!”
“You’re too cute,” Josh says with a
laugh and a gentle caress down Justin’s back.
“If you want, we can go running some
time,” Justin says quickly. “Or you
could come to my gym. I have a
membership. I think. It’s been awhile.”
“You look, um, pretty fit to me.”
“Yeah, but now that it’s bikini
weather, I gotta get super fit!” Justin laughs and sits up. He looks down at his baggy pants. “I really need to work on my legs.
They’re so puny.”
“Lemme
see,” Josh says as he pulls himself up into a sitting position. When Justin only gives him a strange look, he
adds, “I want to know what you call puny, ‘cause this
is puny!” Josh pulls a leg out from the
covers and holds it up. “Your legs
couldn’t be skinnier than mine.”
“Oh, just you wait.” Justin stands up and smirks as he unzips and
shimmies out of his pants. He points to
his legs, sliding the boxer brief legs up enough so Josh can see the limbs
completely. “Chicken, chicken, chicken
legs, man!”
“No, man, I totally beat you.” Josh scoots down and pushes the covers
completely off him. His hands run over
his thin but muscular legs as he lifts one then the other up to properly show
them off. “Colonel Sanders has been
after me for years, man!”
“Please.” Justin hops on the bed next to Josh and
duplicates his pose, lying on his back with one foot high over his body, a
critical eye following the muscle and hair.
“Not only are my legs too skinny, but they’re way too pale. I need some sun.”
“Me, too.” Josh lifts his right leg straight up in the
air, flexes and points his foot, then pulls it back, closer to his chest,
breathing deep as he stretches.
“You’re really flexible,” Justin
says as he stares at Josh’s toned, tight body.
“I don’t think I can do that.”
Justin stretches out flat, shoulder to shoulder, hip to hip with Josh,
and pulls his left leg up straight in the air.
When he tries to pull it closer to his chest, he feels his back and hamstring strain. “Ugh!”
“Breathe, man,” Josh says
calmly. Suddenly his hand is on Justin’s
leg, squeezing the thigh, pressing into the muscle even as his own leg stays
straight up at a 90-degree angle. “Don’t
arch your back, just breathe.” Justin
nods and closes his eyes as he takes a few deep breaths while gently pointing
and flexing his leg. He tries not to
think about Josh’s hand gently rubbing circles on his bare thigh. He tries not to think about the fact that the
two of them are in bed together in nothing but their underwear.
“How’d you get so flexible? Yoga?”
“Um,” Josh laughs. “Not anymore.
I dabbled in yoga last year. And
I did a little gymnastics when I was a kid.”
“Yeah, I remember you telling
me. Cool, man.” Justin brings his leg down, the knee pointing
at his nose. Josh’s hand moves from
Justin’s thigh to a faint bruise on his knee.
“What’s that?” Josh asks as he
traces the mark with his forefinger.
“Big accident. Banged myself up pretty
good.” Josh turns on his
side. His eyes look concerned.
“What happened?”
“It was awful.” Justin turns on his side to face Josh and he
makes a somber face. “I was going along,
lost control of my bike, and bam! Right into a tree.”
“Shit, man.” Josh rubs the scarred knee, which then moves
closer to Josh’s knee, seemingly of it’s own accord.
“Yeah, it was pretty fucked up.”
“Motorcycle?”
“No, worse.” When Josh leans in, Justin takes a deep
breath and mumbles, “I fell off my tricycle.”
“Dick!” Josh slaps Justin’s leg playfully. Justin laughs and offers Josh his right
foot. “This is where I gouged my foot
open when I decided to go barefoot in the woods. That one needed stitches, man!”
“Oh yeah?” Josh sits up and points to a small, faded
burn behind his left ear. “This is where
I tried to iron my own hair!”
“Fuck!” Justin laughs. “Check this out. This,” Justin says as he points to a small
dot on the inside of his elbow, “is where I attempted to give myself a tattoo
in the third grade.”
“Really?” Josh reaches over and touches the small
dot. He smiles at it, then at Justin’s
blushing face. “Here, feel this.” Josh rolls on his stomach, pulls his briefs
down a little, and points to a slightly discolored patch of skin on his
hip. “Go ahead.” Justin hesitates before he places two fingers
on the skin. The patch is smoother than
the rest—and the rest is smooth to begin with—and it’s completely hairless.
“What is that?” Justin whispers as
he touches Josh hip and tries not to touch anything else.
“I guess it’s just a birthmark. And yes, I’ve had it checked out!”
“Good.” Justin finishes with that, and then his
fingers walk to another birthmark a few inches away. “This one looks like a clover.”
“I know. I have one that’s shaped like a Pepperidge
Farm goldfish.”
“Oh, lemme
see!” Justin says excitedly. When Josh hesitates, he asks, “I can’t see
it?”
“No, sure you can.” Josh blushes a little as he turns over to his
back. He bites his lip and tugs his
underwear down a few inches, revealing pale skin and just a smidge of dark brown hair. “There.”
His fingers slip between soft-looking pubic hairs to reveal a small,
fish-shaped birthmark. It’s pink and pointing
down to the bulge just barely covered by grey cotton. Justin holds his breath as he stares at it,
afraid to look down any further.
“See it?” Josh whispers.
“Yeah.” Justin knows he’s blushing, but he doesn’t
care. Josh is, too.
“Is it weird that I showed you
that?” Josh asks shyly as he pulls his underwear back up. Justin shakes his head and looks down at his
own underwear, happy that he hasn’t lost control yet.
“I asked for it.”
“Crazy, huh?”
“It’s cute,” Justin murmurs. Josh smiles and rolls to his side, yawning as
he bends his elbow and rests his head in his hands. With his other hand he smoothes the sheets
around him, looking comfortable and contented and completely at home in
Justin’s bed. “Weird.”
“What, J?”
“I’ve um…I’ve never seen you
this…um…naked…before.” They both turn
pink, and Justin can’t even think of anything to say to cover it up.
“Well…I, uh, I should think not!”
Josh laughs. “We haven’t, um, you know.”
“What?” Justin asks, mortified.
“We haven’t gone swimming or surfing
or, you know, anything beach or pool or, um, water related yet…and um, well, we
haven’t had any reason to, um, you know, be that…naked…together…yet…um…I
mean…um…we haven’t been to the spa yet, which I’ve been meaning to go to for
months…and…um…well…we haven’t done any naked things together.”
“Naked things?” Justin tries not to giggle at Josh’s babbling. “Na—naked th-things?”
He collapses on his back, laughing hysterically while Josh frowns.
“Don’t make fun of me! You started it!”
“What do you expect, dude? Naked things!
Sounds like an adult toy store!”
“Shut up!” Josh laughs and lunges at
Justin, who screeches even louder as Josh tickles him.
“Stop it, I can’t take it,” Justin
squeals through snorts and guffaws as Josh wriggles around on top of him. Josh growls playfully as they wrestle.
“Naked things, my
flat white ass!”
“Oh, if we’re talking flat white
asses,” Justin gasps between giggles, “then you should see mine!”
“Ooh, is that a proposition?” Josh
slides his fingers into Justin’s armpits, producing squeals so high and girly
that he laughs, too.
“Stop!”
Justin screams, but he smiles, squirming a little but not enough to actually
throw Josh off him.
“You want me to stop?” Josh growls,
his eyes sparkling as he holds Justin’s arms down on the pillow above his
head. “Hmm?” Justin coughs to regain his voice, and to
dislodge the lump in his throat.
“I can’t take it anymore, C,” Justin
tries to say calmly. When Josh leans
down closer, their faces only a few inches apart, he whispers, “I can’t take it
anymore.”
“I don’t think I can either.” Josh looks serious all of a sudden. Justin stares at Josh motionlessly, then finally remembers to breathe. It’s only then, when his chest expands with air, that Justin realizes that mostly naked Josh is sitting
on his mostly naked body. There are only
a few inches of distance between his crotch and Josh’s ass. Justin contemplates that distance and
reflexively tilts his hips.
“Justin?” whispers Josh. He leans down closer, their mouths inches
apart. His fingers caress Justin’s
hands. “Justin, I…um.”
“Yes,” Justin answers, only guessing
at the question in Josh’s eyes. He tilts
his head, but they both jump when the telephone beside the bed rings.
“I’ll get it,” Josh says
regretfully. He reaches across the bed,
never leaving his perch atop Justin’s lap, and turns on the cordless
phone. “Timberlake
residence. Yes, he’s here, let me
just…oh! Well, it’s very nice to talk to
you, ma’am,” Josh says, a wide grin spreading across his face. When Justin shrugs, Josh mouths, “It’s your
mom.”
“Thanks,” Justin says as he reaches
for the phone, but Josh slaps his hand away.
“Yes, Justin speaks of you all the
time. Oh, I’m sorry. My name is Josh and…oh…really? Justin has mentioned me?”
Justin covers his face.
“He has, huh? Well, that’s, um, nice to hear.” Josh smiles giddily and gently tickles Justin’s
stomach. Justin makes another futile
attempt to grab the phone, but Josh is stronger than he looks. “Yes, Justin has been a really good friend to
me.” Justin sighs and looks up at the
ceiling so Josh won’t see him smile.
“Yes, I agree, friends are very important. Mmm hmm. Yes,
ma’am. Oh, um, well, I’m originally from
“Mom! Didn’t you want to talk to me at all?” Justin
yells at the phone.
“Yeah, he can be cranky,
can’t he? Has he always been like
that? Oh…you don’t say? Fascinating.” Josh smiles wickedly down at Justin.
“What is she telling you? Mom, don’t tell him anything! Hello!”
“No, Justin’s never showed me those
pictures. Oh, sure, I’d love for you to
email them to me!”
“Mom! Stop it!”
“Yeah, we’re just hanging out today,
the rain and everything. Oh, that sounds
good, how do you make that?” Josh listens and adds a
“hmm” or a “really?” or an excited chuckle here and there as he listens to
Justin’s mom talk about God knows what.
Justin lies there, utterly powerless to stop it. After a few minutes he starts to smile,
looking up at Josh talk to and get along with the most important person in his
life. He feels warm all over at that
thought, and at Josh’s inability to keep still.
Josh talks animatedly, arms flailing, fingers wiggling, hips gently
gyrating. He doesn’t seem to notice
that, while he talks on the phone, his hands are roaming aimlessly all over
Justin’s neck and face.
“Gimme the phone,” Justin grunts.
“…I told him salmon was simple to
make, but he just won’t listen…”
“Josh, give…me…the…phone.”
“…I play a little piano…oh, he told
you—oh, well, thanks. He said that? He said I was fabulous?”
“Oh my God, this isn’t happening!”
“So what was Justin like as a kid?”
Josh asks, looking down at his fingers meandering from Justin’s neck down to
his navel. “Is that right? Mmm, I can see
that. Oh, yeah, he still does that!”
Josh laughs. When Justin pouts, Josh
touches his face, covers the phone briefly and whispers, “You know you love
this.” Justin shakes his head, but deep
down he knows it’s true. Everyone loves
to be bragged about, especially by people they lo—really care about. Justin closes his eyes and takes a few deep
breaths. When he opens them again Josh
is looking over at the window, listening silently. But his hand is spread across Justin’s chest,
his fingers just barely brushing Justin’s nipple. Justin shivers, but Josh doesn’t seem to
notice, merely continues absentmindedly stroking and tickling Justin’s
skin. Josh then bursts out laughing, and
Justin can only imagine what embarrassing anecdote his mother is telling him.
“Oh, J, you are too much!” The giggles seem to take over Josh’s entire
body, causing him to slide all over Justin’s lap. Justin presses his blunt fingernails into his
palms, hoping the painful distraction will keep him from getting hard. Josh laughs so hard that tears well in his
eyes. Justin sighs when he remembers the
last time he saw Josh cry. This time,
though, they’re joyful tears, and they’re because of him and his mother. Justin covers his heart to keep it from
bursting out of his chest.
“He didn’t. He didn’t!”
“Ok, that’s enough! Give me the phone!” Justin laughs.
“New Kids on the
Block, huh?”
“Mom! Don’t!”
“And…really?”
Josh squeals, eyes wide and bright. “An all-girl beauty pageant?”
“That’s it!” Justin yelps and grabs
the phone. Josh rolls off of him and
laughs hysterically. “Mom, I will never
forgive you for this!” Justin shrieks into the phone.
“Hi, baby! I really like your Josh!”
Justin’s mother singsongs at him.
“He’s not my—ugh! What did you tell him? I can’t believe you!”
“Oh, I can’t take it,” Josh yelps,
barely able to catch his breath from the laughter. “And you actually won!”
“OK, out now!” Mortified, Justin points to the door and
nudges Josh with his knee. “Out, out,
out!”
“Now, Justin, I know you have better
manners than that,” his mother chides him.
“Let me say goodbye to your friend and then you can kick him out!”
Justin rolls his eyes, but he always does what his momma tells him. He gives the phone back to Josh, who’s still
giggling and wiping his eyes.
“Hello? Yes, I…oh, I haven’t laughed that hard in a
really long time,” Josh says as he stands and wipes the curls out of his
face. “Don’t worry,
I won’t let Justin kick me out.
Yes. Ok. Ok, ma’am, I will. Yes.
It was very nice finally talking to you, too, ma’am. Oh, um, all right…
“Good!” Justin lifts the phone to his ear, but he
doesn’t really hear what his mother says.
He’s
too busy watching Josh putting on his now dry clothes. Josh winks at him and then leaves the room, closing the door
behind him.
“Justin! Are you listening to a word I’m saying?”
“What?”
“Son, I was just saying that I
really like your friend. He’s everything
you said he was.”
“Mom, you act like I talk about him all
the time.”
“Well…it’s obvious that you really
like him.”
“Yeah, he’s a good friend.”
“And he really cares for you,
sweetie.”
“You think so?”
“I know so.”
Once he’s fully dressed, Justin
leaves his bedroom and finds Josh washing dishes. He watches him silently as his mother’s words
repeat in his head. Josh hums as he
tidies up Justin’s kitchen like he would his own. Justin finds the urge to fall to his knees
and confess everything once and for all nearly overwhelming.
“Dude, don’t bother. We’re just gonna make more mess later,
anyway,” Justin says when Josh finally looks at him. Josh smiles and flips his hair out of his
eyes. Justin opens the pantry so he can
adjust himself behind the door. “So, um, what now?”
“What do you mean?”
“What do you wanna do now? It’s almost evening, and the rain is letting
up, I think,” Justin murmurs as he pretends to study his cereal boxes.
“Do you want me to leave?” Josh asks
softly. Justin closes the door and gives
Josh an incredulous look.
“No, of course
not. Do…do you want to leave?”
“No.” Josh sighs and leans against the counter a
few inches from Justin, close enough so Justin can smell the faint trace of
rain in his hair.
“Well, then, what do you want to do
now?” They can’t seem to meet each other’s
eyes. When Justin looks up, Josh is
biting his bottom lip. “What?”
“Well, um, there is
something.” Josh walks out of the
kitchen and returns with his manpurse. He smiles nervously as he removes a worn
paper bag. Justin can feel his pulse in
his throat—Josh must have planned something for them. “If you don’t want to, I’ll understand. I don’t know if you’re into—”
“Tell me, tell me!” Justin
squeals. Josh giggles and takes a small
plastic bag out of the paper. He holds
it at eye level so Justin can see the dried leaves and rolling papers.
“Justin…you wanna get high tonight?”
“Oh, hell, yes.”
Hours later, after a quick dash to
the grocery store for junk food, Josh and Justin sit underneath a tree in the dark woods behind
Justin’s apartment building. They share
a joint, passing it between them silently between giggles and nervous looks
behind them at every noise.
“I haven’t done this in such a long
time,” Justin whispers. Josh nods and
exhales slowly. His eyes appear even
more silver with the smoke curling around them.
Justin stares openly. “Where’d
you get it?”
“Um, actually, I brought it with me
when I moved here. This is the last of
it.”
“And you’re sharing it with
me?” Josh looks at him like it’s the
silliest question he’s ever heard.
“Yes, J.” Josh hands the joint back, and their fingers
touch. They both giggle, but they don’t
let go. Justin chalks it up to being
high, so he doesn’t flinch when he leans over and takes a toke. Josh’s fingers brush against his lips as he
inhales, and Justin closes his eyes and smiles.
When he’s held it as long as he can, he exhales without coughing.
“I feel good, ”
Justin declares languorously.
“Me, too.” That sets off another round of giggles. “You want some more?”
“No, I’m, um, I’m well done. There still some left?”
“Yep,” Josh says as he gently stubs
out the end of the joint and puts it back in the bag. “You want it?”
“No, keep it.” Justin smiles and puts his hand on Josh’s
knee. “Save it for another rainy day.”
“And you guys say I’m the corny one.”
“Aw, you’re still the corniest one
of them all,” Justin says dreamily. He
kneels next to Josh and gives him a big bear hug. “Will you share the rest of that with me, Joshy?”
“You’re blitzed, man,” Josh laughs,
then lifts Justin’s chin so he can look him in the eye. “Yes, I’ll share it with you. And don’t call me Joshy! I hate that!”
“Rules, man. You gotta loosen up, baby!” Josh snickers as Justin gently shakes him by
the shoulders. “You have waaaay too many rules, C.
Take a chance. Live a
little. Take a walk on the wild
side. Live outside the box.” Justin slumps down, laying his head in Josh’s
lap. “Don’t be so safe all the time.”
“Justin, sometimes you say the most
ridiculous things.” Josh stops Justin’s
reply with his fingers. “You should
follow your own advice.”
“Really.”
“Really.” Josh’s smile wavers as he gently strokes
Justin’s lips. “Do you ever take
chances?” he whispers. “Do you?”
“Not enough,” Justin states, and
suddenly he’s turning into Josh’s body, letting Josh cradle him, pressing his
face into Josh’s stomach. “I’m too
chicken.” Justin closes his eyes and
lets his hand slide up inside Josh’s T-shirt.
Josh inhales sharply when Justin’s cold fingers trace the faint hairs on
his lower belly. “Hairy.”
“I’m a boy, J,” Josh says
blankly. “When I’m not
being a teenaged girl, of course.”
“Pretty girl,” Justin giggles, and
lays his palm against Josh’s flat stomach.
He looks up to find Josh staring open mouthed at him. “You have pretty eyes.”
“It’s dark. You can’t even see them,” Josh says, but
lowers his head bashfully anyway.
“But I know, you know. I see
them.” Justin stops talking for a
minute, trying to clear his head, to figure out what he means, what he’s
saying. His head is clouded with
happiness and lust and THC. He shakes
his head and looks up at Josh again, who’s still staring at him. “Josh, do you think I’m a good guy?”
“I think you’re a great guy,” Josh
replies emphatically.
“I’m not an asshole or anything, right?”
“Not that I’m aware of, no,” Josh
laughs.
“So why doesn’t…I mean, why haven’t
I…ugh.”
“What, J?”
“Why can’t I have that…thing…you
know. That special,
um, whatever. Big…heart thing.”
“Love?” Justin nods and circles Josh’s navel with his
index finger. “You…um…you could have it,
Justin. Anyone would be lucky to have
you,” Josh whispers quickly. In the
distance there’s a flash of lightning and dull thunder immediately
afterward. Justin studies Josh’s belly
with his eyes and his curious fingers.
He can’t seem to take his eyes off of the skin he’s exposed by lifting
the white t-shirt. When Josh makes a
meek noise in his throat, Justin looks up and smiles at him.
“I’m high,” Justin whispers as he
sits up and leans close to Josh’s body.
“Me, too,” Josh sighs as Justin rubs
his nose against his.
“Me, too, too,” Justin whispers, and
then kisses Josh’s cheek softly. He
smiles when he feels Josh’s arms encircling him. He pulls away and they gaze at each other for
a long time, so long that, by the time Justin summons the nerve to lick his
lips and lean forward, the sky opens up above them. Warning claps of thunder unheard or ignored,
they shriek with surprise as heavy rain falls, soaking them within seconds.
“Shit!” both men yell. They’re on their feet immediately, cursing
the weather and laughing at the same time.
Josh secures the pot in its plastic bag and then, after looking around,
he hastily shoves the bag down his pants.
“To protect the
weed!” Josh shouts over the heavy rain, and Justin gives him thumbs up.
“Good thinking, man! Your dick’ll keep
it dry!” They both shriek with laughter
before Justin can even finish his sentence.
Their laughter quickly turns to inebriated howling as they run around in
the rain like schoolboys. Justin spins
around until his head feels heavy. He
looks heavenward, letting the dark sky wash his face. When he looks at Josh, his heart becomes as
heavy as his head. Josh stands in place
wearing a smile that makes him look like a teenager. He wipes the water from his face and slowly
runs his hands through his medium length curls.
The white t-shirt and khaki pants he’s wearing stick to him, showing his
body through the wet material. Justin
stares shamelessly—at the dark nipples, the planes of muscle, the silhouette
between the legs—until Josh catches him.
Josh shakes his hair and smiles playfully. Justin blushes when he realizes Josh’s eyes
are slowly moving down his body, and when he looks down he sees that,
indeed, he’s wearing light clothes, too.
He looks back at Josh, wondering if that’s hunger he sees in Josh’s
eyes. That wonder makes his nipples
harden. Josh takes a step toward him,
but before Justin can go to him the sky lights up and thunder roars menacingly
at them.
“Let’s go!” Josh yells, but Justin’s
already running, silently cursing the rain as much as he’s thanking it.
As soon as they’re in the door they
hurry back to the bathroom, dripping water on the carpet the whole way. Justin grabs two plush towels from the linen
closet and then pushes Josh into the bathroom.
They giggle as they dry off, shivering in the air-conditioned
apartment. Justin rubs the towel over
his head and face. When he looks in the
mirror he sees Josh peeling the wet clothes off his body. He’s too cold, too high, too
happy to feel shy as he does the same.
Before long they’re both in their underwear, like they were hours ago,
but this time they won’t stop there.
Josh gives Justin a quick glance before slowly pushing the waistband of
his underwear down over his hips. Justin
turns away, to give Josh a little privacy…and to slip out of his own boxers.
“Can’t believe all this rain,” Josh
mutters from beneath his towel. Justin
takes a quick glance—towel, arms, wet head, chest, feet, legs, thighs, dark
hair, cock. Justin turns away before he
can see too much. He hums a little, just
for something to do, as he quickly dries his legs. He clumsily drops his towel when bent over,
but when he notices Josh looking at him, he does it again, on purpose. When he stands up Josh is smiling at him
bashfully.
“Weird, huh?”
“Mm,” Justin hums as he rubs his
towel in circles over his stomach. He
unconsciously sucks in a little, making his abs even flatter, forcing his pecs out. When he
realizes what he’s doing, he hides his pink face under his towel and dries his buzzed head again. When he snaps the towel away, Josh quickly
looks up, meeting his glance. Justin
bites back a smile as He was looking at my cock blares like a siren in
his head.
“So,” Josh says, drying his lower
body all over again before pulling the towel up to his chin. Justin looks at his feet.
“So.”
“So…um…naked
things.” Josh smiles as he dries
his hair, exposing himself to Justin’s appreciative eyes.
“Yep, naked
things.” Justin lets himself
look, because it really shouldn’t be a big deal, because he’s still a little
fucked up, because Josh is still a little fucked up, because they were just
talking about naked things earlier, because Josh doesn’t seem to mind,
and because he really just wants to see.
Josh doesn’t hide, just rubs the towel over his hair, squeezing the
water out and shivering as Justin takes in his belly, his wiry but muscular
thighs, the neatly trimmed hair between his legs, the
somewhat full penis. It’s an attractive
penis. Nice, Justin thinks. Good length, good thickness…good God. It bounces a little against Josh’s thigh as
he rubs the towel along his back.
“So…this is me, Justin.” Josh stands there, feet flat on the floor,
unashamed, his smile less cocky and more anxious than before. “It’s just me.”
“I know.” Justin smiles and looks down at the towel
draped in front of him.
“You…um…congratulations,” Justin mumbles as he tries not to blush.
“Thanks,” Josh says thoughtfully,
looking down at his body.
“Yeah.” Justin blushes desperately as he bunches his
towel up around his neck. He dries his
neck and shoulders gently, slowly, and whispers, “This is me, Josh.” He watches Josh’s gaze travel from his eyes
down to his hard nipples, then to his fluttering belly, down to the flesh
between his legs. Josh steps a little
closer and nods approvingly at Justin’s twitching cock.
“Congratulations,” Josh
murmurs. He takes a last, lingering look
before meeting Justin’s eyes again.
“Nice to, uh, meet you.”
“Yeah.” Justin gulps.
“It’s not so weird after all, huh?” Justin rasps,
his throat dry.
“Not so weird at all.” They stare into one another’s eyes with
uncertainty. Justin squeezes his hands
into fists so he won’t do anything rash.
He can’t believe he’s standing here with Josh, naked, only a foot or two
between them, not knowing what to say.
Part of him wants to laugh his ass off at the absurdity, but the other
part thinks that this is totally natural.
Josh cocks his head as he stares at him, the curve of his neck
practically begging to be sucked. Justin
feels like both a best friend in a high school locker room and a virgin about
to be kissed by his very first lover.
“Josh—”
“Justin—”
“No, um, I want to—”
“Wait, I have to—”
“Shh,”
Justin hisses as he reaches out to touch Josh’s face. When he does he feels Josh shivering. “Shit, you must be freezing.”
“No, I’m ok. What were you going to—”
“I’ll get you something dry to put
on,” Justin says as he reluctantly wraps his towel around his waist. Josh grabs his hand and holds tight.
“Justin, what did you want to say to
me?” Justin sighs sadly until he looks
at his watch and sees how late it is. He
forces a serious look to his face and says, “It’s late, so I guess you’d better
spend the night.” Josh’s expression
quickly changes from disappointed to anxious.
“Well, I am pretty fucked up
still. Shouldn’t drive,” Josh says
determinedly as he gives his hair one last rub with the towel.
“Exactly.” Justin fake yawns as he stumbles into his room. There, he takes a long sleeved t-shirt and
shorts out of his dresser, and tosses them on the bed. “Um, I should be considerate and give you my
bed. Right?”
“That’s not necessary.” Josh looks at the clothes Justin has offered
him. “Did I ever tell you that I sleep
in the nude in the summer?” When Justin’s eyes grow wide, Josh chuckles and picks up the
clothes. “Don’t worry, I won’t subject you to my nakedness any further.”
“I wasn’t complaining.” Justin scratches his stomach, and Josh looks
at his feet.
“So, should I take the couch?” Josh
asks as he walks back into the bathroom.
“You sleep wherever you want. The couch, in here with me, wherever,” Justin
says loudly, before he can stop himself.
He cringes and turns around to pull on a dry pair of shorts. When he turns back around, Josh is stretching
out on top of his bed.
After Justin brushes his teeth,
after Josh remembers the brand new toothbrush in his manpurse,
after Justin smiles at Josh’s presumption at bringing a toothbrush, after
Justin insists that Josh leave said toothbrush at his house permanently,
both men settle down under Justin’s covers and await sleep.
“What exactly did my mom say to you
this afternoon?” Justin asks, lying on his left side, his right hand fingering
the twelve inches of space between them.
“I’ll never tell.” Josh smiles and hunkers down on his
pillow. He rests on his side, facing
Justin, smiling calmly as he scratches his stomach through Justin’s t-shirt.
“No fair. She probably told you all my dark
secrets.” Josh smiles and scoots an inch
or two closer. “I feel, like, totally
exposed.”
“I know the feeling.” Justin smiles and suddenly feels very, very
overdressed. He doesn’t respond, but
calmly reaches out to trace the faded pattern on JC’s chest. “I like you when you’re high. You’re really touchy feely.”
“You don’t like me when I’m sober?”
Justin teases.
“I like you all the time,” Josh
states. He stretches and squints his eyes.
They seem to glow in the dark.
Justin walks his fingers up Josh’s body and rests them on soft lips.
“Let’s do this again soon,” Justin
whispers.
“Get high? Or, um, naked things?”
Josh asks against Justin’s fingertips.
Justin nods. Josh nods, smiles,
and scoots closer, leaving barely two inches of space between them.
“Good,” Justin whispers as he closes
his eyes and wraps his arm around Josh’s waist.
He breathes deeply, trying to not let Josh’s warm breath against his
face affect him.
“Thank you, by the way.”
“For what?”
Justin mumbles, eyes still closed.
“For saying I have pretty
eyes.” Justin traces circles on Josh’s
back for a few seconds before he responds.
“Beautiful. You have beautiful eyes.” When Justin opens his eyes, Josh is right in
front of him, legs entwined with his, arms surrounding him, eyes fixed upon
him.
“You have beautiful everything,”
whispers Josh before quickly kissing him on the corner of the mouth and letting
his head fall back to the pillow.
Justin’s mouth opens, but nothing comes out. He tries to tell Josh how close he feels to
him at this moment, how much this friendship means to him, how happy Josh makes
him…but no words pass his lips. Instead
he strokes Josh’s cheek, watches Josh’s eyes close, and inhales the minty breath that Josh exhales.
“I had so much fun today, C.”
“Mm.”
“I’m glad you and my mother got
along so well. I want all the people I
lo…love…to get along. You know?”
“Mm-hmm.” Justin swallows hard when Josh smiles and
sighs, eyes still closed.
“Josh?”
“Baby?”
Josh whispers. The word goes through
Justin like the thunder still booming in the distance. Justin takes a fast breath and closes the few
centimeters distance between them to press his lips against Josh’s. It’s gentle and warm and sweet and fast, and
Justin doesn’t even mind when he pulls away and sees that Josh is already
asleep. He kisses him again, tucks
himself under Josh’s chin, and falls asleep smiling.
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