You Bring Me Joy
(Like a Best Friend Should)
by Zaen
33. Pool party fight and make up
It’s a beautiful Independence Day
afternoon, and Justin should be enjoying himself. The barbecue in Joey’s parent’s back yard is
a total success. The pool is refreshing,
the food smells great, the beer is constantly flowing, and Justin’s tan is
coming along nicely. He knows he should
be relaxing as he floats along the deep end in an inflatable chair. Instead, he’s glaring at 2 people on the
other side of the yard—a very happy, smiling, chatty, effusive Josh, and the
selfish, probably silicone-enhanced bimbo who’s been hogging Josh’s attention
all afternoon. Joey had introduced the
girl as an old high school friend of Josh’s and his, and Justin had smiled and
dismissed her immediately. That was
hours ago, and she hasn’t left Josh’s side yet.
Rather, Josh hasn’t left her
side. How long does it take to catch
up, Justin wonders idly as he sips his third beer.
Ever since
“Oh, JC, you’re too much!” the
girl—Kerrie—laughs as she flings her arms around Josh’s neck. Justin coughs and swims to the other side of
the pool. He chats with Lance for a few
minutes, and then looks back. Josh is
telling Kerrie something with his hands and bouncing around in his deck
chair. She smiles flirtatiously at him,
laughing and touching him.
“What?” Lance sputters. Justin whips around at Lance’s sudden
outburst.
“What
what?”
“Did you just call me a whore?”
Lance snaps.
“Wha—no!
What?”
“You just said ‘whore.’ I heard you!”
Lance crosses his arms and frowns.
“You said you wanted to know more about mutual funds, and then all of a
sudden you mumble ‘whore’ under your breath!”
“I’m…I didn’t mean…I was thinking of
something else,” Justin stammers.
“Are you high?”
“Of course not, Lance!”
“Because if you
are…can I have some, too?” Lance asks sheepishly.
“I’m gonna get some food,” Justin
laughs as he pulls himself out of the pool.
He dries himself off slowly, methodically. He rubs the towel lightly over his pecs and abs, then down his legs exposed by the short
bathing suit…the one he bought with Josh…the one Josh picked out…the one Josh
watched him try on in the small fitting room.
He looks over and sees Josh staring at him—at his body. Justin smiles at him, and Josh returns it
before being sucked back into Kerrie’s conversation.
“The burgers are ready!” Joey
bellows from behind the grill. “Come and
get ‘em!” Most
of the 15 or so people at the barbecue scramble for plates and make a beeline
to the grill. Justin gets there quickly,
second only to Joey’s brother Steve, who takes the large, well-done
cheeseburger that Justin had his heart set on.
“Dude, that’s cold,” Justin
mutters. “Shouldn’t the guests get fed first?”
“Pffuch yoouf,” Steve mumbles as he walks away with a mouthful of
chips. Justin shakes his head
disappointedly as he watches Steve plop down next to Josh and Kerrie. Justin rolls his eyes and scopes out another
place to sit.
“This is the life. Food, beer, pool, and more
food and beer. I think I’ll be
staying indefinitely,” Chris sighs as he reclines on his deck chair. Joey laughs and pats his belly.
“Well, if you’re staying,” Joey
laughs, “you can help me clean up!”
“Um, wish I could, man. But Lance, Justin and I have tickets to Brady
Bunch on Ice.”
“We do?” Justin laughs.
“We do?” Lance adds.
“Work with me,” Chris snaps under
his breath. “Yeah, Josh is coming too,
right? Nancy Kerrigan is playing
Marsha!”
“Um,” Josh mumbles.
“I invited Josh to come see an old
friend of ours whose band is playing tonight,” Kerrie explains. “Right, honey?” When Josh nods, his mouth full of food,
Justin almost chokes on his beer.
“Weren’t we supposed to go see Terminator 3 tonight?” Justin blurts
out, his eyes lowered.
“Oh…yeah, that’s right,” Josh says,
nodding. “Well, um, do you want to come
with us instead?”
“I only have 2 tickets,” Kerrie
snaps, then smiles condescendingly at Justin.
“Sorry! But don’t worry. This one is nowhere as good as the last two,
so you’re not missing anything!”
Justin’s empty beer can drops with loud thud on the patio. The boisterous party suddenly gets quiet.
“Um, yeah,” Chris says slowly,
looking from Justin to Kerrie suspiciously.
“But, see, that won’t matter to J.
He just wanted to see T3 to
drool all over
“Really?”
Kerrie asks, eyes widening. “Well,
“Actually,” Justin grunts.
“I’ll save you ten bucks. The terminator saves John Conner and gets
destroyed...again.” Kerrie smiles
satisfactorily. “You’re welcome.”
“Right. Beer. Now.” Justin jumps out of his seat and heads toward
the house.
“There’s plenty more beer in the…cool…er,” Joey calls after him, but sighs and flops down in his
chair. The other guests bury their noses
in their drinks, and Kerrie shrugs and asks, “What did I say?”
Justin stands in front of the open
refrigerator, not really looking for anything, not really hungry. Just pissed off. Within a minute Josh is walking into the
kitchen.
“Sorry about that,” Josh says
sheepishly. “She always did have a
problem with giving away endings.”
“Whatever,” Justin snaps. He stares at the food and drink, but doesn’t
reach for anything. Josh approaches and
bumps him playfully with his hip.
“Um…I know we talked about going to
the movies tonight, but—”
“Don’t worry about it, Josh.”
“I haven’t seen Kerrie in years—”
“It’s not a big deal,” Justin
grunts.
“And I really want to see Ryan play
tonight! I’m happy that he’s doing what
he always wanted. You know, music,” Josh
sighs and touches Justin’s arm.
“Besides, we can go see the movie any old time.”
“Do whatever you want,” Justin
retorts. He grabs a beer, slams the
refrigerator door closed, and walks over to the counter to pick up a bag of
Tostitos. Josh looks at him curiously.
“Are you mad at me?”
“Why would I be mad at you, Josh—no,
what was it that Kerrie called you? Oh
yeah, ‘JC’, right? Cute
nickname, by the way.” Justin
stuffs a nacho chip into his mouth and crunches angrily. After a few seconds of silence, Justin looks
up to find Josh scowling at him. “What?”
“It’s just a movie, Justin,” Josh
chides. “It’s not like we don’t go to
the movies all the time.”
“Did I say anything?”
“Why are you acting this way?”
“What way am I acting?” Justin
mumbles into the bag.
“Like a spoiled
brat!” Justin opens his mouth,
but then changes his mind and walks away.
“Justin. Look, I’m sorry, but
you’re being silly about this.” Justin
takes his beer and the Tostitos upstairs into the guest bedroom where his
clothes and keys are. Josh follows him
and closes the door.
“Don’t you have to get back to your
buddy?” Justin sits on the bed and
shoves a chip into his mouth. Josh
frowns at him with his hands on his hips.
“What, I can’t have other
friends? Are you jealous?”
“Don’t flatter yourself,”
Justin snaps, then licks his fingers of the cheesy residue.
“Well, then, what’s going on? You can’t honestly be mad about this
movie. We can go tomorrow.”
“I’m not mad, so would you please
leave me alone and go play with your little high school friend?” Josh’s hands start flailing immediately.
“You’re unbelievable! I haven’t seen her almost 10 years! Do you have to have all the attention all the
time?”
“Fuck you, Josh!”
“What the hell is wrong with you?”
Josh screams. “What the fuck did I do?”
“Josh, just leave me alone,
alright?” Justin barks, and then takes a long swig from his beer. “I just want to be alone for a minute!”
“Not until you tell me what happened
between this morning and now to get you so angry at me!” Justin snickers and thrusts 2 large nacho
chips in his mouth at once. “How can you
begrudge me hanging out with old friends?”
“I don’t, Josh! But—ugh!”
“But what?”
“Nothing!”
“How can you be making such a big
deal about this? It’s only a freaking
movie! Don’t we see enough of each other?” Josh
winces and sighs regretfully. “I didn’t
mean it that way—”
“I’m sorry if I’m taking up all your
precious time, JC. Go play with your friends, I don’t care!”
“Why the hell do I bother?” Josh
sighs angrily.
“Then don’t, if I’m such a burden to
you,” Justin mumbles down into the bag.
“Is that what you want, Justin?”
Josh snaps. “You want me to leave you
alone? You want me to really leave you alone, is that what
you’re telling me?”
“Yes!”
Josh looks out the window for a long
moment. “So this is how it’s gonna be, then?” Josh asks sadly.
“I guess so.” Justin can’t believe what he’s saying. He wants to take it all back, but his pride
won’t let him.
“Just because I
want to spend a little time with someone else? Justin, that’s not fair.”
“Look, I didn’t know being friends
with me was putting such a wrench in your fabulous social life, so just…just
forget it!”
“Fine!” Josh throws his hands up in the air and walks
to the door. “As always, you get your
way, Justin! Fine!” And he’s out the door.
“Fine!”
Justin yells at the door slamming in his face.
His hands start to shake and his feet want to rush after Josh, but
Justin allows his stubbornness to win.
He takes a deep breath—or tries to—and raises the bottle to his lips for
another mouthful of beer. His head
swims, his pulse races, and his eyes start to burn, but Justin only curses and
digs around for another Tostito. He curses again as he pops 2 chips at once
into his mouth. He starts to chew, but
his throat has tightened up from being so upset, and then he freezes. In his inebriation his reflexes aren’t quick
enough to stop a large chip from getting lodged into the back of his mouth.
“Jo—” Justin gasps, then tries to
cough the obstruction from his throat.
Panic starts to set in when Justin realizes that he is, indeed,
choking. His digs into his wide open
mouth for the sharp edged chip, but that only seems to push it down
further. Justin whimpers mournfully as
he tries to cough again, but it’s no use.
He staggers to the window, hoping he can alert the people in the yard
down below, but no one’s watching. He
lifts his hand to bang on the glass, and then the bedroom door creaks open.
“J, look I’m sorr—Justin?”
Justin spins around. The red face and
the hands around his throat send Josh to him immediately. “It’s ok,” Josh whispers as he wraps his arms
around Justin’s waist. Three quick
thrusts to the abdomen and Justin collapses and spits
the food from his mouth. “Oh my God, are
you alright?” Josh asks softly. Justin
alternately coughs and gasps to get air into his lungs while Josh crouches next
to him and rubs his back. They’re both
shaking.
“Justin, please talk to me. Are you ok?”
Justin nods a little, not looking up when Josh whispers that he’ll be
right back and rushes out the door.
Justin can feel the burning in his eyes, but he tries to hold back. When Josh returns a moment later, closing the
door behind him, Justin starts crying before Josh can even offer him the glass
of water.
“It’s alright, J. C’mon, sip some water, it’ll be
alright.” Justin takes a sip before breaking
down into sobs in Josh’s arms.
“I’m…so sorry. So sorry,” whimpers Justin as he buries his
face into Josh’s neck.
“No, I am. I didn’t mean what I said,” Josh
whispers. “I…God, I’m sorry, J.” Justin shakes his head and tries to speak,
but Josh shushes him. “Catch your
breath, baby,” he whispers as he gently rocks the man in his arms. Justin sobs and holds Josh as tight as he
can.
“Saved my life.” Justin looks down at the water, too
embarrassed and scared to meet Josh’s eyes.
When Josh kisses his eyelids, Justin breaks down again. “I was so scared. I didn’t know what I was gonna do,” Justin
whispers with a wavering voice. “Thought I’d never see you again.”
“I was scared, too, baby.” Josh’s voice is just as tremulous. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“I…don’t want you to see me cry,”
Justin admits.
“Aw, J, it’s alright.” He kisses Justin’s cheek, his face, even
though Justin still won’t look at him.
“You’re ok. You’ve seen me cry,
it’s ok.” Justin shivers as his
breathing returns to normal. It takes a
minute for him to muster the nerve to look up into Josh’s compassionate eyes.
“I’m so sorry, C. I’m so sorry,” Justin whispers before sobbing
again.
“Shhh. I’m
sorry, too.” Josh repeats “I’m sorry
too” over and over as he holds Justin in his arms, as he lifts Justin to his
feet and sits them both on the bed.
“You saved me, Josh,” Justin
whispers as Josh thumbs away his tears.
“You saved my life.”
“Justin, don’t.”
“You did.” Justin presses his forehead against his friend’s
and whispers, “I was so scared.”
“Me, too,” Josh whispers back. “When I saw you…God, I was so scared.”
“If you hadn’t come back—”
“Don’t say it,” Josh says quickly,
his hands tightening around Justin’s wrists, his eyes reddening. Justin shakes his head defiantly.
“If you hadn’t come back, I could
have—”
“No…don’t.” Josh sniffs and rubs his eyes. He doesn’t sob, but his eyes fill. Justin thinks that Josh looks almost as
scared and sad as he feels.
“Thank you, Joshua. For coming back. After what I said, I wouldn’t blame you for
never wanting to see me again.”
“No, Justin. I could never. I was angry.
But mostly I was.” Josh sniffs
and nods sadly. “Mostly…I was hurt.”
“I’m so sorry, C. I never wanted to hurt you. I was just so fucking jeal—I’m
sorry.” Justin leans his elbows on
knees, head in hands, and finishes crying, Josh right next to him, rubbing the
back of his neck. The sobs soon turn to
hiccups, and Josh pulls Justin back into an embrace. They hold each other until they both settle
down. Justin lets Josh rub his back as
he tries to think of something to say other than what needs to be said.
“Why, um, ‘JC?’”
Justin asks sheepishly as he pulls out of Josh’s hold. When Josh looks at him questioningly, he
clarifies, “Where did ‘JC’ come from?”
“Well,” Josh whispers as he thumbs a
tear from Justin’s eye, smiling when Justin does the same to him. “When I moved to
“And maybe because they kept
mispronouncing your last name?” Justin offers.
“Yeah, maybe!”
“How come you never told me about
that?”
“You never asked,” Josh explains
with a weak smile. “Besides, I like it
when you call me ‘C’ anyway.”
“You do?”
“Yeah. You’re the only one who does.” Justin looks down at Joshua’s flip-flops.
“So, do you want me to call you JC,
too?”
“You can call me whatever your heart
desires, baby.” Justin smiles and
suddenly feels unworthy of such intimacy.
“You were right, you know.” Justin clears the lump in his throat. “I was jealous…before. I was really jealous, Josh.”
“I see,” is all Josh mutters, but
his eyes suggest that he knew the truth all along.
“I’m sorry about that. I guess I can be really childish when I wanna
be—”
“I’ve been jealous…before…like
that…too…you know?” Josh stammers, his face pink but his eyes smiling. Justin does a double take.
“Jealous? Of whom?”
Josh nibbles on his thumb and
mumbles, “Trace. Joey
at first.” A moment passes, and
Josh whispers, “Britney.”
“Oh, man, don’t be ridic—”
“But you don’t have any reason to be
jealous, Justin.” Josh shrugs and states
matter-of-factly, “As far as I’m concerned…as friends go…nobody comes before you.”
“C.”
Josh gasps when Justin wraps him in a tight bear hug, squeezing the
breath out of him. Justin doesn’t
care. He just smiles when Josh kisses
his tear-stained cheek and whispers, “Nobody.”
Justin fakes a few coughs so he won’t cry again.
“You ok?” Josh pulls out of their
embrace to rest his hands on Justin’s chin.
When their eyes meet, it’s only a second before Justin decides to lean
in. But before he can congratulate
himself for his quick decision, a loud knock on the bedroom door startles
him. The kiss he’d intended for Josh’s
lips ends up on the chin instead.
“Hey, you guys in there? Joey says the ribs are ready!”
“Out in a minute, Chris,” Josh
snaps. His eyes are fixed on Justin’s
mouth.
“You guys still fighting?” Chris
laughs from behind the door. “Whatever you were yelling about earlier, forget it. Never let an argument stand in the way of
barbecue!”
“Yeah, thanks!” Justin squawks with
laugher in his voice, for Chris’ benefit.
It works, and Chris’ voice grows fainter with his retreating
footsteps. “I’m sorr—”
“Me, too, J.” Josh sniffs and runs his hand through his
damp hair. “I must look a fright, huh?”
“You look beau—you look fine.” Justin smoothes Josh’s hair into place and
kisses his temple, letting his lips linger as long as he thinks looks
platonic. He sits back so they can
regard one other squarely and honestly, not too far and not too close. They hold hands between them.
“Let me say this,” Justin says as he
squeezes Josh’s hands. “You saved my—”
“Shh,
don’t.” Josh tries to hush Justin with
his fingers, which are promptly grabbed and held over Justin’s heart.
“Joshua. You…saved…my…life.” Josh bites his bottom lip, looking completely
embarrassed and humbled. Justin wraps
his arms around him yet again. He can’t
let go. Eventually Josh clears his
throat and Justin reluctantly releases him.
Josh keeps a warm hand on Justin’s knee.
“Let’s go get some ribs.”
“Ok.” Before Josh can move, Justin leans over to
kiss Josh’s hand reverently, sweetly, thankfully. “Thank you, C. Thank you.”
Josh stands and pulls Justin up into a short but sweet hug.
“Just don’t do that again,” Josh
murmurs in Justin’s ear, punctuated by a tight squeeze. “If I…If I lost you—”
“Same here.” They smile shyly at the floor, then at each
other and walk to the door, hands clasped.
When Josh opens it Justin grins and teases, “Well, I guess this was our
first real fight. And
a doozie at that!”
Josh gives him a beautiful, knowing grin.
“I’m sure we’ll have many more
fights over the years.”
“Yeah, we will.”
Hours later, Josh and Kerrie say
their thank yous and goodbyes before leaving for
their friend Ryan’s show. Justin fakes a
believable “nice to meet you” and handshake for Kerrie before being pulled aside.
“So, um, are you sure you’re ok?”
Josh asks Justin when they’re out of earshot of the rest of the party.
“Yes!” Justin whines, rolling his
eyes.
“You’ve been kinda quiet…since…you
know.”
“I know.” They nod heads a little sadly. “I’m OK.
I think I might go home now, too.”
“No, J. I think you should stay,” Josh demands as he
shakes his head.
“Are you my doctor now?” Justin asks
playfully.
“I’d feel better if you were here
where people can keep an eye on you.”
“Oh, good grief.”
“Look, you either stay here, or let
me take you home.” Josh crosses his arms
over his chest and taps his flip-flopped foot stubbornly.
“You sound like my mom,” Justin
mutters, a little frightened, but Josh giggles.
“I’ll take that as a
compliment. She’s a great person. She made you, right?”
“Dude,” Justin whispers as he takes
Josh’s hand and squeezes it in his own.
Josh steps closer.
“Seriously…are you sure you’re
alright?”
“Yeah. I’ll stay here with the guys.” Josh smiles and nods his approval. Justin is happy to ease Josh’s worry, even if
he does think it’s silly. “I won’t go
swimming again, ok?”
“OK.
I’ll check up on you later.”
“Don’t.”
“Yes!” Josh squeals, under his
breath.
“Damn.” Justin goes pink as he thinks about his
behavior earlier and how lucky he is that Josh is there for him. “I can’t tell you how sorr—”
“Hush. We can talk about it another time.” Josh smiles at their hands touching. “We can talk about anything. Right?”
“Yeah,” Justin says, though he
thinks almost anything.
“So we’ll talk…tonight.” They smile at each other, and it’s like a
kiss to Justin, because of the way he stares at Josh’s mouth. He thinks Josh is staring at his, too. “Alright then, I’m going.” Josh waves at Kerrie, who is pointing to the
cars and her watch impatiently.
“Have fun with your friends
tonight,” Justin utters with a weak but genuine smile. Josh slings his manpurse
over his shoulder and quickly leans in to whisper in Justin’s ear.
“Remember what I said earlier. Nobody, Justin.” Josh takes a step, but Justin stops him with
a firm grasp around his wrist. It’s just
a few soft words and a short smile, but during them Justin looks at Josh like
he’s the most precious thing in the world.
“Josh. Same goes for you.”
Justin puts his book down and looks
over at the alarm clock on the nightstand.
1:25 AM. He laughs and yawns as
he listens to Josh letting himself in and coming back into the bedroom.
“You’re still up,” Josh chirps as he
kicks off his shoes. Justin tosses the
book to the floor and makes himself more comfortable
under his covers.
“I was about to go to sleep,” Justin
declares. He folds his arms behind his
head and watches Josh take off his watch and empty his pockets on his
dresser. “Um, make yourself right at
home, man. Don’t mind me!”
Josh smiles and sniffs his
shirt. “I
reek of cigarette smoke,” he grunts, nose turned up.
“Yeah, I was just about to say—”
“I’ll just take a quick
shower.” Justin doesn’t even have time to
react before Josh is pulling his hair into a bun and stripping. “How’s your throat?” Josh yells from the
bathroom after he turns on the water.
“I’m fine.” Justin looks down at his hands when Josh
returns to the bedroom wearing only his underwear. “I’m fine, really.” Justin looks up to see Josh nodding at
him. “How was the show?”
“Great, man! Let me tell you!” Josh trails off as he goes
back into the bathroom, leaving the door wide open on his way into the
shower. Justin sits still, looking around
his bedroom at Josh’s clothes folded neatly over the back of a chair, Josh’s
wallet and keys next to his own on the dresser, Josh’s sandals sandwiched in
between his own sneakers. He listens
half-heartedly to Josh yelling over the shower about his friend’s show and how
happy he and Kerrie were for him. Within
minutes the water stops, but Josh keeps on talking. Justin laughs at Josh’s enthusiasm, picturing
Josh gesturing with his hands even though no one can see him.
“I bet you weren’t listening to a word
I said!” Josh charges when he comes into the bedroom in nothing but a towel.
“Sure I was.” Justin lies back and closes his eyes so he
won’t look at the towel.
“Uh-huh.” Justin listens to Josh’s going-to-bed sounds
: brushing teeth, footsteps down the hall to turn off all the lights, humming
as he brushes his hair with the brush he conveniently left in Justin’s bathroom
weeks ago. The sounds seem to go on, and
Justin grows impatient even as he realizes that he could listen to them for
years to come.
“Are you finished yet? Do you need to put Oil of Olay on your elbows
or something?” Justin sighs half jokingly.
Josh clucks his tongue and finally comes to the bed. When nothing happens Justin opens his eyes
and shrugs, waiting. “Well? What are you waiting for? I’m tired, man.”
“Um.” Josh looks down at the bed shyly. “May I?”
“May you what, Josh?”
“May I sleep over?” mumbles Josh,
sounding like he really isn’t sure if he is allowed, like he hasn’t slept over
several times in the last several weeks.
“I think we’re past asking if we can
sleep over each other’s houses at this point.”
Justin slides over and pulls the covers back. “Do I ever ask when I stay at your place?”
“No!” Josh retorts as he turns off
the bedroom lights.
“Don’t bother, just come to
bed.” Justin shivers after he says it,
more so when he notices Josh ducking back into the bathroom and returning
without the towel.
“Just trying to be polite, dude,”
Josh chuckles as he slips into the bed. “Wouldn’t want to overstep my boundaries!”
“So, what, I’m not polite when I
just sleep in your bed without asking?”
Josh giggles, “You said it, not me!”
“Shut up.”
“Make me.”
“Oh, you’re so mature!” They both laugh as they settle on their backs
under the covers. It’s quiet and dark,
but Justin is suddenly very awake and very aware of the naked body laying only
a few inches from him.
“How’s your throat?” Josh asks after
an unusually long silence.
“You asked me already, and I’m
fine.”
“Ok.” After another long pause, Josh clears his throat
and says, “No more large, sharp-edged food items when
you’re drinking. Ok, Justin?”
“Ok, C.”
“I mean it. You…you scared me earlier.”
“I scared me, too,” Justin whispers.
“Don’t do it again.” His eyes adjusted to the dark, Justin can see
that Josh is looking directly at him.
When he looks back, Josh repeats, “Don’t do that again.”
“Yes, sir,” Justin says with a small
salute. Josh smiles.
“I just wouldn’t want…I want you to
stay safe.” Josh turns onto his side,
his back facing Justin, and murmurs, “I don’t want to lose you, Justin.”
“You’re not going to lose me.” Justin sinks his fingers into Josh’s hair,
sighing as he releases the bun and presses his nose into the curls. His hands clutching Josh’s arm, his feet
enfolding Josh’s ankle, Justin kisses the base of Josh’s skull. “You saved me today,” he whispers. Josh inhales slowly as Justin spoons
him. “I owe you so much.”
“You don’t owe me anything,” Josh
stammers. “I just want…”
“What? What do you want?” Justin nuzzles Josh’s neck and pulls Josh’s
naked body closer to his. He forces his
hands to rest on the bed instead of where he wants, on Josh’s bare hip. “You said today…you said I always get my
way? Well,” Justin whispers before
kissing behind Josh’s ear, “I want you to have your way now. Whatever—whenever you want,
JC.”
“Oh.” Josh sniffs quietly, his body vibrating in
Justin’s arms. After a quiet, calming
minute he turns over and the two friends embrace each other firmly. “This is what I want,” Josh whispers. “For you to be safe. And happy. And to be true to
yourself…and to me.”
“I want all that for you,” Justin
sighs into Josh’s neck. They get
comfortable, Josh on his back with Justin in the nook of his arm and
chest. Justin listens to and feels
Josh’s heart under his ear. He smiles at
the steady beat, letting it calm him down, letting him forget that only his
T-shirt and boxers separate him from Josh’s sculpted abs and warm genitals. Justin wraps the covers over them, tucks his
hands under Josh’s hips, and lets Josh’s breathing lull him to sleep.
Justin wakes up smiling. He remembers a short but very sweet dream
where Josh had been laying next to him, stroking his fuzzy head, talking about
something. The only words Justin could
distinguish in the dream were please, don’t leave me, and,
several times, I love you.
When Justin opens his eyes, Josh is
asleep with his lips slightly parted.
Justin watches him sleep soundly for a while before he realizes that
Josh’s hand is cradling his head.
Then and there, Justin decides on
Josh’s birthday present.
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