You Bring Me Joy
(Like a Best Friend Should)
by Zaen
35. Friday August 1 at work
From: Timberlake, J.
To: Chasez, J.
Security: Private
Time: 11:14 AM
1. I’m really, really, *really* afraid of spiders.
2. When you don’t talk to me all day—like today—it
pisses me off. And it scares me.
3. I can explain about last night.
From: Chasez, J.
To: Timberlake, J.
Security: Private
Time: 11:23 AM
You don’t have to explain. It’s not my business. I’m sorry I left like that. I just didn’t want to get in the way.
From: Timberlake, J.
To: Chasez, J.
Security: Private
Time: 11:24 AM
It’s not what it looked like, really. I’m sorry you felt you had to go.
From: Chasez, J.
To: Timberlake, J.
Security: Private
Time: 11:28 AM
Justin, you don’t owe me an explanation. It’s not like I’m your girlfriend or
anything.
From: Timberlake, J.
To: Chasez, J.
Security: Private
Time: 11:28 AM
Close enough, don’t you think?
From: Chasez, J.
To: Timberlake, J.
Security: Private
Time: 11:29 AM
I’m not a girl, Justin.
From: Timberlake, J.
To: Chasez, J.
Security: Private
Time: 11:29 AM
I don’t want you to be.
From: Chasez, J.
To: Timberlake, J.
Security: Private
Time: 11:30 AM
So,
what does that mean then, Justin?
Justin doesn’t have time to think of
a response, because Joey races into their cubicle area, bursting with news that
Chris has finally, after several years of lusting from afar, asked out Gwen the
public relations hottie. Chris stands on his chair to receive the
ovation from the majority of male programmers within earshot. It’s only when Lance shouts “but did she say
yes!” that Chris’ glee turns sour.
“Technically…she said she’d think
about it,” Chris states optimistically.
“I am so in there!”
Another round of applause breaks forth until Johnny comes out of his
office and the men scatter to their cubicles.
The rest of the day is filled with talk of strategy, wardrobe opinions
and facial hair suggestions. Justin
never does respond to Josh’s last email, but he catches Josh looking at him a
few times over his monitor. Justin
always looks back and smiles.
Justin sneaks out at 4:56 and leans
against Josh’s car door. When Josh shows
up, Justin smiles like usual, like yesterday never happened.
“Hey,” Justin says nonchalantly when
Josh stops in front of him. “Say, you
wanna go out tonight? See a movie or
something?” Josh looks a little
surprised, but then he smiles comfortably.
“Um, I can’t.” Josh scratches his head and says softly, “I
um…have a d-date.”
“Oh.
Oh! Well, that’s good that’s
really, um, well, cool, man, I’m, um…good!” Justin smiles hard, like his life depends on
his ability to look cool and pleased.
Josh smiles and stares at his hands.
“With whom?
If I can ask?”
“Nobody you know.” Josh glances up at Justin’s plastered on
grin, shrugs and mumbles, “Just someone I met at the, um, video store last night.” Justin nods and digs his fingernails into his
palms.
“You don’t want to tell me about
it?”
“Not really, J.” Josh looks off into the distance. “Another time.”
“Is that what you meant when you
said ‘something happened’ last night?” Justin asks timidly. Josh clears his throat and casually glances
at his watch.
“Yeah…but, I better get going if I
wanna get ready.”
“Oh, well I wouldn’t want you to be
late. Goodnight.” Eyes down, throat tight, head swimming,
Justin manages a few steps away from the car before Josh tells him to
stop. “I gotta go, too, C. Have a good time, ok?” Justin says, to the
ground.
“Wait, Justin.” Josh looks up into the sky like he’s weighing
something. “Do you wanna have lunch
tomorrow with me?” When Justin doesn’t answer,
Josh grins and says, “I’ll take you to that health food restaurant you asked
about.”
“Hm. Bean
sprouts. Wow.”
“Or, I could take you out for a
nice, big steak.” Josh smiles that
endearing, genuine smile that Justin hasn’t been able to resist since the
beginning.
“Ok.
But if you change your mind I’ll understand.” Josh cocks his head and peers at his friend
curiously. “You might have one of those
marathon all-night-into-the-next-day dates.
I wouldn’t want you to, you know, miss it.”
“I don’t think that’ll be an issue,
but thanks,” Josh laughs. “So, tomorrow? Noon-ish?”
“It’s a date!” Justin envisions slapping himself upside the
head.
Josh smiles flirtatiously as he gets
into his car. “It’s a date, then.” Justin nods and turns to rush for his own
car. When he’s inside with the windows
rolled up and the stereo blasting, and when he’s sure Josh has left the parking
lot, Justin gives himself a thumbs up and squeals like the teenage girl he is.
**********
36. Saturday August 2 Lunch
“Well?”
“Well, what?”
“Aren’t you going to…I mean…you know. The date last night.”
Justin sips his iced tea and pokes at the appetizers on the table
between him and Josh. “Spill the beans,
man.”
“Mmmph,”
Josh mumbles with a crab-stuffed mushroom in his mouth.
“You look happy,” Justin says with a
forced smile. “So I guess the date went
well.” Josh wipes the corners of his
mouth, returns his napkin to his lap, and shrugs innocently.
“Maybe!”
“C’mon, man. Details!” Josh giggles and Justin even gets a little
giddy himself. If he weren’t insanely
jealous, he’d be genuinely happy that Josh met someone after all these months.
“What do you want to know?” Josh
asks bashfully.
“Well, for starters, what’s the
mystery date’s name?” Josh looks
startled for a few seconds. “Name? Your date’s name, Josh?”
“Um.” Josh hesitates, his face a little pink. He takes a breath, looks down at his lap and
softly says, “
“Ok.
Tell me more.” Josh smiles like
he’s totally surprised. “What? What’s that look mean, C?”
“Nothing, I just…um…I thought you’d
have some sort of…reaction or something,” Josh replies before downing half his
seltzer in one gulp.
“What do you mean?” Justin
asks. Josh shrugs happily.
“Nevermind. So…the date. Ok. Um, it was…it was nice, you know?” Josh nibbles on a roll while his leg bounces
away under the table. “I haven’t been on
a real date in so long.”
“Uh-huh,” Justin grunts and shoves
another mushroom in his mouth.
“It was just nice being with someone
who was, um, interested…in me…like that.”
Justin clucks his tongue and tries not
to take offense at the comment. “Well,
we all want that, don’t we?”
“Yeah, we do, Justin.” How the mood went from eager to inexplicably
tense, Justin doesn’t know. After a
minute of silent nibbling and ice sucking, Justin clears his throat.
“So,” Justin murmurs, “did you
two…you know?” When Josh turns red,
Justin squeaks, “Did you? You did, didn’t you?”
“There may have been some bases
hit!” Josh chirps. His face is totally
red, but he smiles wickedly.
“Well? C’mon, out with it, man.”
“A gentleman never tells.”
“Hmph.” Josh
smiles and hums happily as the restaurant hostess comes by with drink
refills. Justin doesn’t know whether to
pout and fret at Josh’s uncooperativeness or to be thankful that he doesn’t
have to hear the gory details. “So, will
you see this ‘
“I don’t know. It depends.”
“On what?”
“On…well…I don’t know,” Josh says
demurely. Justin nods like he
understands, even though he doesn’t.
“How did you two,
I mean why did you, I mean, um.
Were you looking for…someone?” stammers Justin. Josh smiles wearily.
“I don’t know. Maybe. I mean,
“And what did you say?” Justin asks
calmly, though it sounds meaner in his head.
“The truth.” Justin nods into another awkward
silence. They look around the
restaurant, the appetizers now forgotten and getting cold.
“So…you think
“I couldn’t really say right
now. What I do know is that, um, I want that…again. This has made me realize that I want
someone—the real thing, you know?”
Justin nods, because his throat is so tight that he can’t talk. “I guess I’ve just realized that I’m…ready
for it now.”
“Just now?”
Justin utters almost under his breath.
“What’s changed?”
Josh sighs and looks at Justin
seriously. “I guess I just got
tired. Of waiting for something to
happen that probably never will.”
“Wha—what
do you mean?”
“Nothing, J.”
“No, Josh, tell me. What…who are you waiting for?” Justin asks,
begs, as his heart thumps in his chest.
It suddenly occurs to him that what Josh could be waiting for is his
ex—the ungrateful bitch—to come to her senses and ask him to move back to
“Justin, I—”
“And here we go!” their waiter
bellows as he arrives with main course.
“Who had this gigantic Porterhouse steak?” Justin sighs and points to the table in front
of him. The waiter sets Justin’s entrée
down and then turns to Josh. “And you
must be the Macadamia
nut encrusted Ahi. Excellent
choice!” Josh blushes as the
waiter places his meal down with a huge grin.
“Can I get you two anything else?” the waiter
says with his eyes firmly implanted only on Josh. When both men shake their heads, he says,
“Ok, just let me know if you need…anything,” tucks his tablet into the back
pocket of his tight pants and walks away.
Justin’s jaw drops as he watches the waiter swagger away and smile over his shoulder at
Josh.
“Oh my God!”
Justin grunts as he spears his steak.
“That waiter just totally cruised you, man!”
“I know—what?” Josh laughs. “Did you just say ‘cruised’? Is this a word you use often?”
“Shut up,” Justin laughs, ducking
his head to hide his pink cheeks.
“Anyway, it’s rude. I mean, isn’t
that rude, to flirt with you…when you’re with me?”
“Well, yeah, but—huh? What?
But, um, we’re not—”
“But he doesn’t know
that!” Justin takes an angry bite of his
salad, and Josh smiles sweetly.
“Yeah, you’re right, J. For all that guy knows, you and I are, like,
head over heels in love with each other.”
“Wha—umf!” The water Justin was gulping goes down the
wrong way, sending Justin into a coughing fit.
At first a look of terror shrouds Josh’s face, but it disappears when
Justin raises his hand to indicate that, no, this isn’t like before, and yes,
he’s going to be fine.
“You alright?” Josh chuckles as he stands up to gently pat
Justin on the back. Justin’s eyes water
and his face turns red, but soon it’s over and he’s
clearing his throat easily.
“Yeah…ugh…I’m fine. Just went down the wrong way.”
“Ok, man.” Josh rubs Justin’s cheek before sitting back
down opposite him. “Sorry about that,”
he says guiltily.
“No problem.” Justin coughs a few more times for good
measure, and then slowly drinks more water.
Josh eats quietly, but his eyes fix protectively on his friend across
the table. When Justin finally meets his
gaze, they smile at each other, both of them turning pink.
For a while they don’t say much,
just commenting on their food or the weather.
Every time Justin replays Josh’s comment in his head his stomach
flutters. Eventually the silence is
deafening and Josh lays his fork down.
“All right. You were going to tell me about you and
Britney?”
“Dude,” Justin mumbles, then covers his mouth until he’s finished the last of his
lunch. “She was taking a shower at my
place because she’d just come from the gym.
We weren’t…doing anything. It was
completely innocent.” Justin smiles, but
Josh still looks unconvinced.
“You two were going out last night,
right?” Josh asks bashfully, like he has no right to even ask. “Are you seeing her again?”
“If you had let me explain last
night, you’d know,” Justin chides, and Josh rolls his eyes. “I’ve been moonlighting at the club where
Britney is assistant manager for some quick cash. We were doing the same hours so she came to
pick me up, and she wanted to take a quick shower before we left—that’s all.”
“Really,” Josh utters as he looks at
his fingernails. “Well, what do you do
there?”
“Serve drinks, back up the
bartenders, stuff like that.”
“Hm. I had no
idea.” Josh looks a little disappointed.
“Yeah, it’s not a big deal. I just needed to make some money fast.”
“I didn’t realize something like
that would be so lucrative. The tips
must be fabulous.”
“Um…yeah.” Justin blushes even deeper and Josh’s
eyebrows go even higher.
“Justin? What?”
“Well, um, at first I was doing
tables, drinks, whatever they needed.
But Britney finally convinced me to, um, try a more lucrative
assignment.”
“Which is?” demands Josh.
“Um.” Justin lowers his voice. “Um. Dancing. Dancing on, um, a pedestal?”
“Wait a minute!” Josh flails his hands around, on the verge of
laughter. “What club are you working
at?” Justin swallows hard.
“One-Eyed Monks.”
“Nooooo waaaay! You’re go-go dancing? At One-Eyed Monks? My Justin, a go-go boy?”
“It’s not like I’m stripping or
anything!”
“But you wear next to nothing
anyway!” Josh guffaws.
“Hey, all I have to do is dance
well, take off a few items of clothes, be friendly, and look hot! All stuff I’m good at, and I’m making really
good dough, man!”
“Oh my god!”
Josh laughs.
“It’s only for 3 weeks, while a
regular is on vacation!”
“Too much! I’m gonna pee my pants!” Josh squeals
delightedly.
“Shut up!”
“Oh, I’m soooooo
coming to watch you!”
“The hell you are!”
“Oh, man, I can’t wait!” Josh giggles and claps his hands, which draws
irritated looks from the other patrons.
“When do you work again? I’m
coming to see you!”
“Joshua, if you do I’ll never speak
to you again, I mean it!”
“Aw, c’mon, J! I won’t tell anyone,” Josh coos and bats his
eyelashes.
“No, no, I’m serious.” Justin crosses his arms to prove his
intent. “If the guys find out about
this, I’ll never hear the end of it.”
“Yeah, you’re right.” Josh forces himself to stop laughing, but
then he bursts into cackles again. When
Justin feigns getting up from the table, Josh sighs and says, “All right, I
won’t say anything!”
“And?”
“And I won’t come see you shake your
ass. Jeesh.”
“Good.” Justin sits back in his chair and smiles
innocently at his friend across the table.
“I just don’t see why I can’t—”
“I’m just doing it for another week,
and they money is good, and it’s hard enough for me get up on those platforms
in next to nothing to dance when I’d rather just be at home getting some
sleep. It’d just be that much harder if
you were there, watching me.
Understand?”
“Yeah, I do.” Josh smiles brightly and nudges Justin’s foot
under the table. “I bet you get hit on a
lot, huh?”
“Every freaking
night, man.” Justin shivers at
the thought of the groping hands and lustful gazes.
“By the women or
the men?” Josh asks, his eyes sparkling.
“Um. Both.”
“So…have you taken anyone up on his
or her offer?” Josh asks.
“What?” Justin squeaks.
“Nevermind,
J. Forget it.”
“Anyway,” Justin utters nervously,
“the tips are really good, so I think I can put up with it for another week.”
“Do you put body glitter on? What do you wear?” Josh asks excitedly. “I can’t believe I won’t be able to see
you.” Justin shakes his head firmly, but
with a smile. “I bet you look
great. I wish I could watch you.” Josh smiles, but he looks so genuinely
disappointed that Justin nearly acquiesces.
“I’m sorry, C. I just…it would be too weird.”
“I know, man.” Justin plays with the dessert menu while Josh
finishes the last of his drink. “So, why
did you even tell me? You had to know
I’d want to come see you.”
“I know. I just didn’t want you to think that me and Brit were…I just wanted to tell you the truth, that’s
all.”
“I appreciate that, J. Hm, you think
Britney would hire me, too? I’ll be needing extra cash for my trip anyway.”
“What trip?”
“I thought I told you.” Josh grabs the other end of the dessert menu,
and a half-hearted tug of war ensues.
“I’m going to
“Oh.” Justin wonders why Josh neglected to mention
this trip—he’d have remembered Josh saying he was going back to
“Some old friends of mine,” Josh
states wistfully.
“Friends of
you…and your ex?” Justin asks carefully.
“Yeah.” Justin nods and lets Josh take the menu. He watches Josh scan it quickly, his face
tense.
“I’m sorr—”
“You want to order dessert?” Josh
asks, and the crease in his brow is gone just as quickly as it appeared.
Ten minutes and two more encounters
with the flirtatious waiter later, Justin and Josh share a slice of Chocolate
Seduction Cake. Josh brings up the night
of the basketball game, when they shared a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, when the powerbonding began.
Justin blushes and absentmindedly lets his fork rub against Josh’s. Eventually Justin returns to Josh’s date,
asking for more information about
“Well, I want to meet her,” Justin states plainly. Josh does a double take.
“You want to meet…her?” Josh asks.
“Yes, of course. I want to check her out, make sure she’s a
respectable girl, not just using you for you money and good looks.” Josh chuckles, but it’s a nervous laugh. “Seriously though, C. I want to make sure she’s, you know, good
enough for you.”
Josh sighs and places his hand on
Justin’s on the table. “Wow, you’re
sweet.”
“Mm.” Justin clears his throat and wills the blush
away from his cheeks. “So, um, do you
think you’ll spend your birthday with this
“Justin,” Josh pronounces as he
firmly places his fork on the plate, “look, um, first of all,
“I know, I know, it’s only 1 date, but…I
know you. You seem to like this
person. I haven’t known you to date
anyone the entire time I’ve known you, so you must really…you must really like
her,” Justin says with some difficulty.
“Justin, I don’t—”
“I just want to be prepared.”
“Prepared?”
“Yes.” Justin lifts his hand to his forehead and
melodramatically whimpers, “Prepared to be left alone, out in the cold while
you go out romancing some young fair maiden.
I’ll just learn to knit and live vicariously through you.” Justin sighs loudly even as Josh shakes his
head.
“Justin, you’re kidding right? I mean, even if…and it’s not even like
that…but even if I did…nothing would change…between us. Nothing.” They share a profound stare. “Unless you want it to. Change, I mean.” Justin shakes his head quickly and takes
another bite of the dessert. Josh
follows suit, and they mmm and aaagh around their mouthfuls.
“Anyway, I need to know if you’re
gonna see her—”
“Justin, you are sooooo
off base here!” Josh exclaims.
“I need to know, Mister Impatient,
so I can invite her to whatever we’re doing for your birthday next Friday!”
Justin harrumphs.
“I mean—you’re gonna do something
for my birthday?” Josh asks, surprised.
“Well, yeah, of course.”
“You’d do that for me?” Josh’s face crinkles up.
“Don’t look so surprised, man. Now, we could all go to
“No,” Josh grunts.
“Pool party?”
“Uh-uh.”
“How about…dinner
at the restaurant of your choice, and maybe a little karaoke?”
“You know me so well,” Josh
murmurs. His knee bounces underneath the
table at a rapid pace. Justin knows he
chose wisely.
“Ok, I’ll call the guys and take
care of everything.” Josh’s beaming
smile dims just a smidge. “Unless…you just wanted it to be the two of us.”
“That could work, too,” replies Josh.
“Well,” Justin says around an
unabashed grin, “Maybe we should leave it up in the air, in case you want to do
something with your new girlfriend.”
“Justin,” huffs Josh, “
“I know, but give it time. It’ll happen,” Justin kids.
“No, it won’t!”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m
otherwise…um…involved.” Josh
blushes and lowers his eyes like he just admitted something he was clearly
trying to hide.
“I don’t understand.”
Josh lifts his eyes to his dear
friend’s confused gaze. “I know you
don’t, J.”
That night, as Justin dances in
nothing but high-top sneakers and tight biker shorts for an audience made up of
gay men and a few of their straight gal pals, he wonders what it would be like
to dance for Josh. He looks out into the
dark club, closes his eyes, and imagines that Josh is watching. He’s not nervous—he knows Josh will keep his
word and stay away. Still, the thought
of Josh staring at him, watching him, hungering for him excites him to no
end. He loses himself in the pulsing
dance music, forgetting for once how naked he feels. Even his anxiety over Josh possibly seeing
his ex soon escapes him. Justin dances
with as much abandon as he’s ever allowed himself, the tips stuffed in his
waistband his only consolation.
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